HOMECOMPLAINBITCHINGDOWNLOADSSHOPPHOTOSFANZINESLINKSCHARTVIDEOSCARTOONS
 
     
 
CATSWALTONSDUSTBINSSMEGGY/BITSFOUR MARYSTHE LAWNIESNAB FUNKOB QUIET
LUKE BUDZDJANGO RATIXTRASH BLANDOTHER
 
                                           
SONGS TO FRIGHTEN YOUR CHILDREN WITH

Title Key * File
Size
(Meg)
Length
(Mins)
Comments
Funny
Old World
B * 3.75 4:05
*New* - 12th May 2009
Ever wondered what it's like? This mix of Funny old world has just emerged from the archives.
Tidal
Wave Dave
B * 4.82 5:15
*New* - 11th May 2009
Finally a vocal version of Tidal Wave Dave (for the instrumental version see below) they say of the song: "Writing lyrics is always the hardest part of writing a song, we tend to judge how hard it was by how much our eyes bleed, suffice to say there were stigmata with this one."
How the
Urination Process
Has Effected
Some of the
Greatest Moments
in History
B * 3.39 3:41
*New* - 25th April 2009
This title was always going to muck up the pagination. This is the song that ROTL entered for the Bestival competition 2009 before withdrawing it seconds later when they realised that they wouldn't be able to play the live final. No explanation of the lyrics is required, it does exactly what it says on the cover.
Manchester
Express
B ** 2.4 2:37
*Even Newer* - 25th November 2008
*New* - 20th September 2008
Once I was on a train. It was back in the days, and the carriage consisted of small compartments with no connecting corridor, so I knew that I would only be disturbed when we came into a station. The compartment was lit by two bulbs in the ceiling, one on either side of the carriage. I was bored and wanted to look out of the window but couldn't because of the reflection on the glass. I wisely decided to take the bulb out of the socket on one side of the compartment and then went to the window. We were going round a bend so I had a good view of lights going out down the entire length of the train. I heard a sinister noise behind me and turned to discover that molten metal was dripping out of the light socket and setting fire to the floor.

Meanwhile Rob was having train problems of a whole different nature. Now listen on....
Oh
Mighty Ocean
(NQR Mix)
B 3.82 4:10
*New* - 9th September 2008
Have you seen that film "The Perfect Storm?" Bit shit wasn't it. It was, of course based on the far superior Ingmar Bergman film "Ooo! Det är lite blåsigt ikväll" What some of you may not know is that before his death in July 2007, Bergman admitted that he was inspired to make the film after hearing an early demo of "Oh Mighty Ocean." He said of it "Vad är detta skit. Jag känner mig oren. Jag måste göra ytterligare en film". It was, sadly his last film and his only foray into stop-frame animation.
Tick
Tock Song
B 2.51 2:44
*New* - 30th August 2008
Featuring the vocal stylings of Mrs. Jones - A torch song for the post-punk generation.
Noddy
Stories
B * 3.4 3:43
*New* - 17th August 2008
Was Noddy a Nazi? This songumentry from Revenge of the Lawn examines the evidence and comes to a startling conclusion. And the subtext: A Nazi English teacher wallows in the bath with the school secetary and argues for the right... You've heard the song, now buy the badge!
Why! B * 2.4 2:36
*New* - 05th July 2008
Revenge of the Lawn's latest foray into the territory traditionally held by Agony Aunts and Holistic Therapists who make a great deal of money by not revealing "The Universal Answers" which are of course:

  • You deserve it
  • Life is just shit
Bill
O'Neill's
Sandwich
C 4.02 3:30
*New* - 25th May 2008
Is this the most obscure song ever written? It concerns the philisophical ramifications of a bit of sandwich heaving that took place at a Smeggy plus the Cheesybits (sic) gig on Hastings Pier in the late '70s. For the full story start here and keep clicking on "Next Sandwich".

You've heard the song, now buy the badge!
Shoobaloo B 1.72 1:30
*New* - 19th April 2008
A stripped down version of Revenge of the Lawn's foray into lounge music. The much noisier (and therefore more fullfilling) version will be posted at a later date.
Shoobaloo B 1.68 1:27 The fully mashed up brass version.
I've
Fallen In
Love With
A Vending
Machine
C 6.63 5:47
*New* - 12th April 2008
After two years on the operating table and several months recuperation (tinkering), Revenge of the Lawn have finally managed to come up with some kind of mix of their "mediocris opus". A tale of "The Love That Shall Not Be Named"...Well actually it shall be named; it shall be named "being a scum-sucking-pervy-jiz-drinking-automaton-f**ker"...but that doesn't mean that you can't write a song about it. Astonishingly (well at least I'm astonished {but then I don't get out much anymore[mind you I did meet Joolie down the pub last night and only managed to insult two or three of her freinds] }) this isn't the bands albatross by any means - comming soon{ish} "How the Urination Process Has Effected Some of the Greatest Moments in History",
At the End
of
Old Ryde Pier
(Single Mix)
B * 5.2 3:47
*New* - 10th March 2008
This is the version of Old Ryde Pier that Revenge of the Lawn entered in the IWCP Live wired Competition (we'll explain more later).
At the End
of
Old Ryde Pier
(WWW Mix)
B 7.5 5:27
*New Again* - 10th March 2008
The return of the extended version of Old Ryde Pier (we'll explain more later).
Matelot B * 5.9 4:17
*New Again* - 8th Feb 2008
The return of Revenge of the Lawn's klezmer sonnet (we'll explain more later).
*NEW* - 5TH MAY 07
Meanwhile in the dark, twisted, red light district corner of a sailor's mind. A mix of Revenge of the Lawns' klezner sonnet.
Sailing
Away
B 3.94 2:52
4th FEBRUARY 08
Imagine a small island in the sea (I know it's difficult isn't it) a rickety autogyro hoves into view. Hurrah! Now we can have tea.
Four
Minute
Smile
B * 6.46 4:42
29th JANUARY 08
In a moment of weakness Revenge of the Lawn are caught practicing.
Truly
Scrumptious
B 5.62 4:05
13th JANUARY 08
Revenge of the Lawn's take on the childrens classic. I wasn't scared of the child catcher.
Mrs.
Jones
B * 3.75 4:05
*Even Newer* - 27th November 2008
16th NOVEMBER 07
This is the song that Revenge of the Lawn chose to enter in the Platform 1/IWCP Live Wired competition. They really scuppered any chances of getting any votes at all by initially submitting a version that ran 10-20% slower than this one and sounded even stranger (I know it's hard to imagine isn't it). The song features a scintilating trumpet solo from Malcolm (Mista Mushroom), but do you know the film?
Electricity B 4.99 5:27
5th MAY 07
A sombre offering from Revenge of the Lawn. Was it a Wednesday or a Tuesday?
Tidal
Wave Dave
(Inst)
B * 8 5:49
5th MAY 07
A rambling instrumental version of Revenge of the Lawn's epic morality tale on love lost and the female condition. Hear the vocal version here.
I
F**king
Hate
the W***
W****
B * 1.01 1:06
*CERTIFICATE 18*
The aforementioned "thunderous racist diatribe from the unacceptable face of regional bigotry". Is actually a quiet, introspective tale of life in the rural idyll

You've heard the song, now buy the badge!
I
Jolly Well
Have Ambiguous
Feelings About
The
W*** W****

A 2.37 1:02
*CERTIFICATE PG*
After complaints from parent groups, trading standards and The Isle of Wight Tourist Board Revenge of the Lawn have been forced to release a censored version of their parochial nazi anthem.
Get
a Job
Now
(Brev Mix)
B 2.43 1:45 Ever wanted to sit around on your arse all day? I know I do but there's always someone hovering in the wings waiting to machine-gun you with the "mummies mantra".
Get
a Job
Now
(Spoon Mix)
B 1.52 1:54 As above, but with spoons.
Extract
From
Gonk's
Blues
A 1.5 0:39 Gonk is a little shitter. He does it everywhere.
Bum
Banditeers
B 5.18 3:46 This has been available via the Main page and the Bitching page for ages so it might as well have a link here. Somebody has been downloading it. It tells the tale of Handbag Nigel and his cronies' attempt to overthrow the unstable local government on a small island in the south (seas).

You've heard the song, now buy the badge!
ROTL ON THE RADIO AGAIN

Revenge of the Lawn on Headfunk (Vectis Radio) 18th June 2010
Title Key * File
Size
(Meg)
Length
(Mins)
Comments
Gettajobnow C 4.05 4:25 These two tracks are "behind the scenes" recordings of ROTL's session.
How
the
Urination
etc
etc...
C 6.77 7:23
Revenge of the Lawn on the Radio

Title Key * File
Size
(Meg)
Length
(Mins)
Comments
Pre-amble B 0.34 0:25
*New* 3rd December 2009 -
These three files are of Revenge of the Lawn's first radio interview on Glyn Taylor's Live and Local programme on I.W. Radio (Broadcast 23.11.2009).
Interview
Part I
B 8.15 10:10
Interview
Part II
B 10.28 12:49
Live
Wired
2011
B 7.24 7:54
*New* 25th April 2011 -
ROTLare interviewed on Glyn Taylor's Live and Local programme on I.W. Radio (Broadcast 25.04.2011) as part of Live Wired 2011.
Ventnor
Blog
Listings
B 1.67 2:05
*New* 3rd December 2009 -
Ventnor Blog are very nice about Revenge of the Lawn during their listings slot on I.W. Radio.
ISLE OF WIGHT FESTIVAL 2010

Revenge of the Lawn Play the Kashmir Café at The Isle of Wight Festival 2010 and, for the most part, get away with it. Yes the sound balance is pretty dodgy on most of the songs but it’s probably the closest we’ve ever got to doing a whole set well. Most of the banter and barracking between the songs has been included this includes a performance of Hey Jude specially for Sir McCartney on the Triple Shielded Impeller Driven Filtration Unit from a Bosch XL-4721-EM.
The line up for this gig was (in order of weight):
  • Dave Cheesybits - Bass, Ukulele and Vocals
  • Dread Jones - Drums and other approriate noises
  • Rob Martin - Guitar, Vocals, Triple Shielded Impeller Driven Filtration Unit
  • O B Quiet - Banjo, Penny Whistle, Gob Iron, Sax, but definately not the urinal
  • Mrs Jones - Trumpet, Melodica, Accordian, Clarinet, Keyboards and Vocals
  • Louis Webb - Trumpet, Keyboards, Accordian and Bass
Dave Cheesybits would like to point out that he was on some fairly heavy painkillers at the time after discharging himself from hospital so he has got an excuse.
Title Key * File
Size
(Meg)
Length
(Mins)
Comments
Opener/Why C 5.25 5:44 Including the Health and Safety announcement
Matelot C * 3.65 3:59 Featuring the Bogata All-Stars on rickety brass.
Mrs
Jones
C 4.86 5:18 Trying to get Owen to play the urinal and much maligning of the people from the west.
Five
Year
Plangela
C 5.68 6:12 Rob decides to have a coffee break in the middle of this song
Rat C 5.08 5:32 Awful bass playing, I can only sat in my defence that the painkillers had really kicked in by then. Also contains some truly atrocious vocal harmonies. the audience must have been listening to something else
Embarassed C 4.98 5:26 Featuring a bloke called Ben on the violin who did a pretty good job but completely drowned out everything else on stage.
The
Tick Tock
Song
C 4.8 5:14 Including the aformentioned tribuite to Sir McCartney
Tidal
Wave Dave
C 5.73 6:15 A bizzarre Television (the band)/Rogers and Hamerstein cross-over. This song should not be able to be performed live. There's just something very not right about it.
Giddy C 6.82 7:27 Rob explains how we grow Swans and many other things.
I
F**king
Hate
the West
Wight
C * 2.53 2:45 A hilarious rendition of Revenge of the Lawn's comment on the human condition.
LIVE WIRED 2011

Just so you can see absolutely why Vanzatti won here is Revenge of the Lawn's attempt to wow a paying audience at Medina Theatre on 28th April 2011
The line up for this gig was (in order of weight):
  • Dave Cheesybits - Bass, and Vocals
  • Dread Jones - Drums, and Vocals
  • Rob Martin - Guitar, Vocals
  • O B Quiet - Banjo, Gob Iron, Howling
  • Mrs Jones - Trumpet, Clarinet, and Vocals
  • Louis (the Work Opportunities Trumpet Player) - Trumpet, Keyboards, and Accordion
Title Key * File
Size
(Meg)
Length
(Mins)
Comments
Mrs
Jones
C 3.71 4:03 Everybody's playing goes down hill when somebody (I wonder who that could have been) belches into the microphone during this song at the end of the second chorus (it was really loud through the fold-back).
Giddy/Gettajobnow C * 6.43 7:01 Micturition and National Monuments slickly segued into The Mummy's Mantra
Vampire C 4.56 4:58 Including the inevitable merchandising break.
Joolie's
Song
C 3.21 3:30 Mrs Jones (no relation) rants about trendy Shoreditch wankers.
ROTL ARCHIVE MATERIAL

Title Key * File
Size
(Meg)
Length
(Mins)
Comments
Pass
the Grass
Please
Duchess
C * 2.45 2:40
*New* - 24th September 2008
The song that introduced the concept of the pop-art dustman to the world.

The management would like to make clear that the sentiments expressed in this song are not necessarily those held by The House of Cheese™.

Stomping
(Down at
the
Consort)
C 2.45 2:40 Another one from the archives (circa 1986). A strange 'omage to the Prince Consort and the characters that gathered there.
The
Weekly
Post
C * 3.06 4:27 One from the archives (circa 1986). The Weekly Post is no longer with us but please feel free to substitute the name of your local newspaper. The biting satire still applies.
JINGLES

Title Key * File
Size
(Meg)
Length
(Mins)
Comments
Shop
at
Strings
B 0.64 0:27
*New* - 14th June 2008
As far as I can ascertain the "facts" are these. Revenge of the Lawn, fully expecting to win the recent Bestival competition (a reasonable assumption when you look at the competition) were faced with having to play live without some fundamental equipment (guitars, amps, nose flutes etc.). To solve this shortfall they entered into a sponsorship deal with Strings Guitar Centre who provided them with the equipment that they needed in return for certain advertising rights. Revenge of the Lawn are now required to pepper their live set with advertisements for Strings Guitar Centre. Part of the agreement, as I understand it, and I'm sure the band will tell a different story, is that they are required to provide 30 seconds of advertising space for every thirty minutes that they play live. As far as I know this is a first in the music industry. I can see this as a way for the music industry to make up for lost revenue due to falling CD sales so it may well become the norm, but do you really want to witness Radiohead interrupting their set to play an advertisement for sanitary towels or bleach? We here at the House of Cheese™ say, "No to This Kind of Thing!"
JAMS

Title Key * File
Size
(Meg)
Length
(Mins)
Comments
Embarassing
Jammy
Deposit
B 9.26 10:06
*New* - 14th April 2010
This is an overlong jam based around ROTL's new song 'Embarassed'. I think it's the dog's, but if you only desire polished professionalism and so much compression that silence screams in pain it's probably not for you.
Womble
Marmalade
B 1.77 1:55
*New* - 05th April 2009
Revenge of the Lawn celebrate the furry little f**kers of Wimbledon
Mrs Jones
(On Speed)
B 3.27 3:34
*New* - 30th March 2009
Mrs Jones on speed - the first person to fuck it up has to make the tea.
(Jam)
Sandwich
B * 5.34 3:53
*New* - 27th April 2008
For the second time Revenge of the Lawn are caught practicing.
If you don't like poorly conceived rambling slightly out of tune badly recorded jamming don't download this (unless you're mental).
Nuddajam B 3.54 3:51
*New* - 15th June 2008
Martino plays the shrinking violet in Revenge of the Lawn's atempt at playing "Mostly Drum and Bass"
Drumboner C 2.36 2:34
*New* - 9th July 2010
The Revenge of the Lawn offshoot jug-band play this lazy jam on Drumbone, Banjo and 5 String Guitar
CHRISTMAS SONGS

Live at Quay Arts 21st December 2009
Title Key * File
Size
(Meg)
Length
(Mins)
Comments
The
Alternative
12
Days of
Christmas
C 10.6 11:34
*New* - 8th Jan 2010
Revenge of the Lawn perform their highly crafted and well practiced Christmas Songs written in response to Mike Smith's (Director, Quay Arts) threats and lascivious innuendo at their previous concert appearence.
The
Forgotten
Unwise
Wise Man
C 6.11 6:40
STUPID

Title Key * File
Size
(Meg)
Length
(Mins)
Comments
Recording
Techniques
Revealed
B 0.74 0:48 Or at least intimated at (or of or by or something).
OTHER STUFF

This is random unfinished ROTL stuff that I've found on my 'puter. It has been mastered 'as found' so I take no responsibility for the final mix.
Title Key * File
Size
(Meg)
Length
(Mins)
Comments
Know
I Deer?
C * 2.03 2:13
*New* - 15th Nov 2012
I seem to remember that this is all Rob playing guitar to a drum sample (possibly Dread). I repitched some of it to make it sound like a bass (and used effects on some of it to make it sound like a guitar). It was in a folder called 'dd' but I've got no idea what it was meant to be called or what it was intended for (or for what it was intended).
Father
Said
C 3.13 3:24
*New* - 15th Nov 2012
We never finished recording this one. Mrs Jones had to rush off and have a child or something so some of the vocals are a bit rough.

...TOP...