Worldwide Wheelie Bin Shortage Shocker
It's a Tick Tock, waiting to go off. People report that their wheelie bins are being stolen at an alarming rate. Everyone agrees that Wheelie bins are scarce, but there are fierce arguments as to why.
As usual, Revenge of the Lawn, never shy about voicing their view, wade into the political and economic turmoil caused by this controversy and offer the answer through song.
Official reasons for scarcity? - Huge demand from Eastern Europe to improve their recycling.
- A wheelie bin factory fire somewhere in either Poland, France or England.
- German government stipulations that every home have a separate bin for paper recycling.
- The high price of oil, raw material of wheelie bin manufacture.
However, the government don't want you to know the real reason for the shortage because it exposes their Law and Order policies as a feeble, empty sham. Can Revenge of the Lawn's latest offering, written by Quaker, really offer the true conspiracy fact behind the reason and lift the lid on a huge scandal at the heart of urban Britain? The Daily Telegraph's Political Correspondent, James Kirkup, thinks it can.
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A Song about an Existentialist Book-related DilemmaRattle-head takes a turn as vocalist to confess through song.
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Power Cuts Pester PerformersRecently, Revenge of the Lawn have been plagued so much by power cuts during their live gigs that they have recruited an acoustic bass player to step in at the unfortunate moment that the electricity fails. Unable to find anyone who could play tea-chest or wash-tub bass on the Island, the band had to go over to Portsmouth, where they came across Mr. K. Copasetic, a sturdy practitioner of twanging the pole [N.B. a lesser website would have made a joke there about him "twanging furiously on his pole", "playing vigorously with his pole", "handling his mighty, vibrating pole with manly expertise", "this member likes playing on his pole", "every winter he varnishes and polishes his pole", or such like, but, as you are only too well aware, this website doesn't go in for such Matron-type gags.]. Suffice to say, having Mr. Copasetic as a reserve bassist has been such a success. Because the rhythm section can now carry on in any situation, the band don't fear power cuts any more. P.S. And in case you were wondering, yes, he does "keep a tight grip on his pole", and also on the broom handle of his bass.
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Pistols Finally Humour Island BandRecently, at the Isle of Wight Pop Festival,
Revenge of the Lawn were amazed to find that The Sex Pistols had finally given in to the band's repeated whinging and whining letters,
asking the Pistols
to do Pretty Vacant in a Revenge of the Lawn stylee
i.e. a bit rickety and jerky with choppy guitar. This is what they got.
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Revenge of the Lawn Launch New Perfume
A new body fragrance specially designed by the band and available only in supermarkets and national branded chemists.
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| Berlin Walls, Eiffel Towers, Vending Machines and Marriage. Revenge of the Lawn's assistant vocalist is not the only one who is
in love with an inanimate object,
but he may be the only one to have written a song about
this strange romantic desire.
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Horticulturalists of Gaiety?Revenge of the Lawn's reply to recent accusations
that they are gay.
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 | Glen Matlock to Join Revenge of the Lawn? Revenge of the Lawn are in confusion over their Management's decision to recruit Glen Matlock on bass. The Band have failed to block this and are thus about to split with their management.
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Revenge of the Lawn's Confession to the World
( well, the Isle of Wight at least)
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Truly Scrumptious, Truly Kippered!Chitty Chitty Bang Bang's musical score claims its first victim. Well, the song looked so sad, standing there in the rocky waste land beyond the true path that leads to the Family Musical. Somehow it had strayed off the track, that we've been following conscientiously for a while now - we couldn't help but succumb. However, it does make us the first band [not just the first Island band - the first band ever] to do a cover of this song. And so here it is:Doll on a Music Box/Truly Scrumptious
by
Revenge of the Lawn
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A Roundabout to Call our Own!In recognition of our sterling work in the field of Local Music and as a token of their appreciation for our promotion of sponsoring a roundabout, the Isle of Wight Council have dedicated a roundabout to our band and have named it the Revenge of the Lawn Roundabout in our honour.Thank you very much Mr. Head of the Council. But don't worry Ratepayers! The Council didn't spend a penny of your easily-conned Council Tax on it.
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Foreigners. Take Note!Unlike all other British bands,
Revenge of the Lawn DO care and therefore we cater for the foreign visitor with our new, improved
International Welcome Page. 
Here you will find a link through to a Home Page written in one of 9 languages. We are able therefore to cover 74% of the world's population. We are currently working on the slav, hindi and punjab languages for the discerning Central Asian customer, and as soon as we find someone who can speak those languages, we'll have almost 100% of world coverage.
ייִדיש איבערזעצונג קומט באַלד
Yidish ibersezung kumt bald.
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OFFICIAL, apparantly!"Revenge of the Lawn, it is the Immigrant Music!"
The band of choice for all discerning immigrants to Britain. Review of Revenge of the Lawn
by Jadwiga Nowicki, our Polish correspondent in Newport.
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| IT'S HERE NOWRevenge of the Lawn's
new song
about jumping off Ryde Pier. |
| Show your favourite Isle of Wight band
how much you love them with a cyber-rose,
or they might just wither away. |
Revenge of the Lawn have managed to buy a very rare copy of Vera Lynn's tasteless Hits of the Blitz. It was so shameful that only 500 copies were ever pressed before the government moved in and closed down the pressing plant in the interests of preserving national morale. It was recorded as a joke and was never intended to be released. With songs such as "There's a Bugger load of Smoke over Piccadilly", "London's Frying Tonight" etc., it's easy to see why Lynn's management and the British government never wanted this to be available. |
| More Musical Manglings from The Hoo Haas, Australia's Breath of Fresh Air |
| Those lovable Aussie rogues, The Hoo Haas, have done it again and produced another incongruous musical offering, that's pure musical gold. That trumpet does it for us, every time! And if that don't, then the vocals sure will. Don't take our word for it [we're always prone to distortion]. Visit their site and hear it for yourself. We'll let you know as soon as they vomit forth any new ramblings or disturbed country bizarrities. |
| Shock! Horror! Some of Revenge of the Lawn move to West Wight! The majority of Revenge of the Lawn have now moved to an area of the West Wight and are running around in such overwhelming numbers that the Council have decided to change the name of the village to Revenge of the Lawn. As the Highways Department start to change the road signs in accordance, the East Wight contingent of the band are said to be reeling in dismay at the shock move. |
Yes, it's Official!
Contrary to whatever you've heard, Revenge of the Lawn are not chickening out of this year's Birdman of Bognor Contest at all. No way, mateys!Revenge of the Lawn would like it known that
they HAVE SUBMITTED an entry for this year's competition.
Read all the excitement now. |
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The Sorry Saga of Trying
to throw a
Vending Machine
off a
Multi-storey Car Park. |
 Revenge of the Lawn are a 2 piece band but intend to grow into a 23 piece combo soon. It has taken 14 years to become two but they are on a roll so they should multiply fairly quickly, seeing as they have now mastered the art of regeneration and are quietly confident they know how to make extra people without electricity or any of that sort of early 19th century bio-physical nonsense. Who are Revenge of the Lawn? As if you're interested! ... no, no! I really don't think you are ... I think you only stumbled on this site by mistake ... What's that? ... No, you don't convince me you genuinely want to know who they are ... No, now you're just trying to humour me ... No! You're just a hyperlink addict, who can't help clicking on any link you see - you're really not bothered about knowing who the band are, and quite right you are to ... Oh, you are! Oh, OK. Revenge of the Lawn are this or this [for Asian visitors only] or< REVENGEoftheLAWN WIDTH=70% ALIGN=a bit that way CELLPADDING=ample BGCOLOR=pale FONT SIZE=well-endowed [honest] >. The band are very keen to take over, hijack, subsume, buy out or absorb any other fully-formed Island bands that might have had enough. Failing that, they are certainly interested in mergers with other bands. Finding the whole business of writing, playing and singing " a bit of a shag", they are desparately eager to find others to do it for them. They are particularly lazy like that. They come from Sandown in the Isle of Wight but have connections all over the Solent region, except for the West Wight, which they abhorr like the Pharisee avoiding your typical Saducee.
Although the band reluctantly and grudgingly accept its findings, the Official Isle of Wight Local Entertainment Poll rated the band as 26th best band on the Island, coming in many places behind such combos as Capo Regime, The Tin Lids and Jackson Analogue! [God,what is this Island coming to!?] This is why they have started their own Top 11 Best Island Band Chart, in the hope that they can rig it to become No. 1. Revenge of the Lawn are not just a third-rate band; they are also superb athletic machines, who have got their collective eye on vigorous outdoor events (as well as any biblical rough-and-tumble exertions). Stay alert - Revenge of the Lawn could be coming to a foolhardy traditional sporting event near you!
As all the best boy bands do when their careers are flagging, the band would like it known that they are soon changing their name by deed poll to Isle Blow and U Finger. The band would also like it known that they form a part of the THIS GHASTLY MENACE™ group of bands. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
Revenge of the Lawn are listed in Gig-Guide.Co.UK
Gigs, Bands and Music Venues at Gig-Guide.Co.UK
Revenge of the Lawn particularly recommend the following albums: 
[Columbia A2589]
[Brunswick 3307]
[Verve 016723 ]
Guarantee of Veracity:
All informations on these web-pages have been authorised, produced and certified by the franchise operator holding company, This Ghastly Menace™ , and are correct at time of publication and to the best of the company's knowledge, which is vast. Any claimed inaccuracy cannot therefore be possible and we urge any contestors to thoroughly review their own information sources: in almost all cases, you will find your own knowledge/experience/self-awareness is at fault. After careful and sober reflection as well as honest self-investigation, most people or organisations realise they are not who or what they claim to be after all. This Ghastly Menace™ do not bear grudges, unlike Revenge of the Lawn, and will not hold it against you, if you turn out NOT to be who you say you are. This Ghastly Menace™ know you better than you do yourself! |
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