Song of the WeekIsland Top 11
Picture of the WeekHot TopicsCheese Page

E-MAIL: The Vectis Moocheteers

Produced under licence from the original inventor and developer of this kit, Nige the Sly and Slightly-Fraudulent.

Each kit only costs a staggeringly economical £4.99 and comes with a full guarantee as well as complete instructions on the slippery art of conning and bluffing your way into most major pop festivals in the UK and Europe for free *

Your Revenge of the Lawn Ssh-No-One's-Looking Special Patented Festival Wristband Removal kit contains 3 tools, 1 tube of smearless glue, 1 pack of alcohol cleansing wipes and 1 five hundred page instruction manual.

* This also includes any event that uses the word "Fest" in their name.
   This kit may not work properly in non-European countries.

Removing the wristband from an early returning Mainland punter has never been easier!

And the Award for "the Island Band with The Most Inaccessible, Isolated, Remote Graffitti" goes to ... ?

Most Island bands can point out the dedication of their fans through an example of graffitti shouting their name. But Revenge of the Lawn have been sent photos that show that they can rightfully claim to be "The Island Band with The Most Inaccessible, Isolated, Remote Graffitti" and "The Island Band with the Most Intrepid Fan" (or is that "most Foolhardy"?).

The graffitti was found in one of the sea-level forts, formed in a maze of dark passages dug into the bottom of the cliff at the Needles. Revenge of the Lawn have always had close links with several UK Urban Exploration groups and huge thanks go to Urban Ferret and Metro-Snooper for braving the treacherous journey out to these forts, which are usually inaccessible, because of the tides and sending us these photos. In fact, they tell us that they came from Crawley and the most difficult bit of the whole journey was the ferry crossing, which was delayed. Cheers, mateys.

Photo: thanks to John Madison

Our 2 friends in happier times on top of the roofs of St. Paul's Cathedral.
See more superb photos here.

Crack The Surface - Episode I from SilentUK on Vimeo.

Absinthe Relaunch with Slick TV Advert

Revenge of the Lawn Absinthe

Exclusive Pictures of PyrOlympics 2011 and Log-surfing

Yes, Revenge of the Lawn once again sent a team to the PyrOlympics 2011, which this year was held at Wrexham. Following on from their success last year, the team felt ready to enter the dreaded Log-Surfing Endurance event and, although they did not win [being beaten by several teams who managed to stay on the flaming logs for over two minutes], they did put in a stylish effort and feel they are ready for a more serious challenge next year.

Revenge of the Lawn
at the
Rhythmtree World Music Festival
Saturday 23 July

in the Didge Café

Isle of Wight's Second Pop Festival:
the Bob Dylan one.

Press cuttings about the second Isle of Wight Festival at Wootton in 1969.

Revenge of the Lawn at the Quay Arts Centre
Monday 23 May
8.00 - 11.00pm

The Truth behind the
Georgie Porghie Nursery Rhyme

What is the connection between
  • an Old English word for penis
  • 18th century drug wars
  • nursery rhymes
  • and a pub in Stepney called The Moon?

All is revealed in a new Revenge of the Lawn poem,
"All is not well in Nursery Strife Land."

For a full explanation [Oh, God, no! - Ed.], and the poem.

Song about being a Yoof

Giddy ... And it felt so Good

A first-take recorded version of a song regularly played at gigs.

Revenge of the Lawn Beaten by Norwegians to Summit of Mount Culver, but at least hear the Humming Siren Gatepost of Whitecliff

Although the band are beaten by a Norwegian Expedition in conquering Mount Culver under snow, they do get to hear the deadly Humming Siren Gatepost of Whitecliff without being lured to their deaths. Thanks to modern videoing, you too can hear the deadly marvels of this normally fatal whistling gatepost.

Important Message for the Band

Since the Tory Conference dispute, half the band are no longer talking to us (the management). We are therefore obliged to use the website as a means of communicating this message to the band.
Attention, wanky Gits!
We have a small window of opportunity from 3.30 - 5.30 p.m. on Saturday 6th November to do a gig on your small island which will be dry between those times. You will start the show at 4.00 pm exactly with a full-on epic tune full of pomp and rising crescendos - you will all be resplendent in silver capes. Owen will be available that weekend. At 4.01pm, a vessel will be seen speeding towards the island from Portsmouth and at 4.03pm Owen will arrive in a spectacular gold glittery costume (which will be so tall it will need a red light on the top to warn aircraft off - might even put a radar reflector on it too, just to be on the safe side) on a wildly decorated boat direct from Portsmouth to the adoring cheers of a huge crowd (Don't worry there, Owen. We'll go down Ryde seafront and round up a few spotty youths with the promise of a Bacardi Breezer each if they'll scream like a pre-pubescent Beatle fans for you).

You play a set, gradually retreating with the audience to the centre of the island as the tide comes in and then it's everyone for themselves, except us - that is, you (the band) and us (the management) - we'll leave in a small dangerously over-loaded boat and probably get picked up by French coastguards screaming for help off Les Casquets rocks near Brittany, and get mistaken for illegal immigrants (which in a sense we will be) and end up in a French detention centre, with all our equipment and boat impounded. Julie, Owen and Rob will lose their jobs, Dread will lose several appointments and Dave will lose his cleaner. Our children will become destitute while Dave's child will get dirtier by the day. Our homes will be repossessed or we will lose our tenancies. Our island only appears at very low tides so we can't go and live on that and anyway we haven't got the boat anymore to get out to it. Our families will shun us. We are all too old to make it as models or prostitutes and we won't be able to make it as pop stars (Remember, our equipment was confiscated!) We won't be able to make a living from fishing (Remember, our boat was confiscated! Please keep up!) We won't be able to afford alcohol so being a wino won't be open as a career choice. Disease will stalk us. Misery will jump out at us from dark corners and shout Boo!

But I'm sure you'll agree with us nonetheless, what a hell of a gig. Anyone up for it?

Peepol say we kleer riyte, no hwot i mcene?

Yes, Horray!
Having been assessed as securing the necessary criteria and qualifying stipulations by a linguistic system adjudication service, the collective corporation of our persons have been summarily assigned a conceptual and graphical symbol of this website's appreciation and proficiency in the application of the vernacular English language to communicate in an unambiguous, coherent and unclouded manner.
Cheers, mateys.

Just Say No to Tory Party Conferences

Band members in happier times at a Tory Party Conference in 2009.

"Trouble is brewing", said Cameron back in March. He also reckoned that Tory party conferences would become the third biggest cause of problems for Revenge of the Lawn. And sure enough, the band have recently become paralysed by this issue of conferences. How right he was.

Half the band are violently opposed to attending anything toryer than a village fete, while it is the hobby of several of the other band members to attend party conferences each year. In fact, they have become such regulars that they have got pretty good at working their way to the front at these Tory gigs [in fact, Julie even managed to melvin Mrs. Cameron at one conference - see above].

The simmering friction between the two sides of the band erupted immediately after the Bestival, when several band members were upset by support shown for the Women's Institute, claiming that the WI are "akin to Tory stormtoopers" and that this gesture encouraged people to support the Tories. Also one member of the band was not happy having plungers jammed on his head and said this was typical of "you Tory bastards, always trying smash down the exploited working man". Amid much finger wagging and prodding, two political power blocs have emerged within the band and have become entrenched in a violent digit-based conflict, involving exasperated gesture and seething gesticulation. Woe betide anyone that gets caught between the two sides - an irate finger might just have your eye out. You have been warned.

The band's management have given their verdict and have decided that it's best to "just say no to Tory Party Conferences". All the band have been told to stay away from any conferences whatsoever.

As a result, the mighty earth-moving machine that was Revenge of the Lawn has ground to a dwindling halt for the present.
For more on Tory party conferences, see Independent Political Advice.

Revenge of the Lawn - Bestival 2010

Skiphilister's adventures at Bestival 2010

There are always Pearls Amongst the Swine

Happy Birthday, Skiphilister!

A birthday song for you from Drunken Balordi, one of the best acts performing at Bestival 2010.

Apologies for the quality.
The camera person was trying not to dance too much, but at times, well, you know ... it's infectious.

Buzzcocks Crowd Pull some Great Faces

Let's face it: the crowd were alot more entertaining than the dear old Buzzcocks at Ryde in December 2009.

Who are the happy pogoers in this video clip? We'd like to know so we can put names to the faces - e-mail us at

Grant Wasted on New Guitar for Bestival Gig
Much to the Anger of Rest of Band

The band have just received this new, hand-finished guitar, bought with a Government Arts and Culture grant, which they managed to blag with a carefully and sneekily worded bid. These grants are expected to be used on projects to edify the community through sports or the arts, which is what we're doing, I suppose, with this guitar. One band member very quickly, and without the consent of the others, rushed out and ordered this guitar. The band member has been therefore "dealt with in a most robust manner" [a warning to others who might cross the band] and they may even be fired. The band will still play the Bestival, but to find out if this guitar-buying spendaholic is still in the band, make your way to the Bandstand for 10.00am[!!] on Sunday 12th September.

The band's name is laquered on the headstock, while a butter knife has been carefully mounted as a tremelo arm. A rare sticker with "Commit No Nuisance" from a wall in Newport adorns the scratch plate. The guitar has been specially commissioned for the band's appearance at The Bestival and will probably end up being dragged around the stage and jumped repeatedly up and down upon by all the rest of the band, who aren't convinced by its beauty. But as the poet Rimbaud once said, "It's the look that counts, not the sound."

Law and Order 19th century style

Actors Sing Band's Own Song Better

The title song from the musical "I'm in Love with a Vending Machine" performed by a teenage acting troupe from the Isle of Wight at Edinburgh Fringe Festival 2010. Here Pantalone sings the song infinitely better than the original by Island band, Revenge of the Lawn.

For a larger size video

Original song by Revenge of the Lawn

Edinburgh Fringe Play Based on
Revenge of the Lawn Song

Revenge of the Lawn have been honoured by an American playwright, who has based a musical play on one of their songs. The play is being performed for a week at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival this August, but you'll be pleased to hear, they have drafted in proper musicians to play the musical score. The play is a commedia dell'arte piece, which includes songs and musical accompaniment.

Hailing from Texas, in the United States, and of American, German and Scottish descent, William "Chuck" Wilson is an American playwright, living in both Brighton and the Isle of Wight. He has several writing credits to his name in New York, where he wrote plays for various theatre companies working in the independent theatre scene. He moved to the UK in 2004 and has switched to producing and directing plays in the Southern region. He has tended to favour musicals, but has also produced successful farces, burlesques and pantomimes. While in Britain, he has written one further play, based on the experiences of the First World War poet, Siegfried Sassoon, called "How to Die". He is particularly adept at adapting existing scripts and encourages improvising in his pieces. Sorry, girls. He is already married to three wives (all in different countires, of course) and has no need of any further marital bliss.

Wilson has chosen an Island drama group to present his play in Edinburgh. The East Cowes Acting Troupe is composed of teenage performers from East Cowes in the Isle of Wight. All have had experience in various productions, mainly musicals, variety shows and burlesques. The troupe comprises straight actors, dancers and singers, who are looking forward to working together in tackling this unusual theatrical genre, commedia dell'arte.

The play is based around an idea from a song by the Island jazzomime junko band, Revenge of the Lawn. Entitled "I've fallen in love with a Vending Machine", the song describes the clumsy, unrequited attempts of the singer to romance a vending machine, with which he has fallen in love. But despite his gauche advances, all his emotionally flimsy moves are frustrated, as expected.

Edinburgh Fringe Festival website

East Cowes Acting Troupe

Revenge of the Lawn
Scoop Unexpected Fire Award

A section of Revenge of the Lawn have just returned from a successful weekend at the National PyrOlympic Games at Thetford, an unofficial and furtive event in the national sporting calendar.

Getting drunk and performing stunts, songs, gymnastic displays, dances or simply holding an interesting pose on burning logs in a bonfire is the name of this game, while all around the fire, the other competitors stand, singing, clapping, shouting jibes, and egging on the pyro-athlete. It is an intimidating experience but Team ROTL did the Island proud. Only one other Island team entered but they were disqualified for coating their feet in wet mud and hoping the judges didn't notice in the gloomy night-time conditions. A sad night for Island Log-Surfing indeed.

Full Story

New Brass Section
Unveiled at Festival

Revenge of the Lawn's new brass section promises to add that heavy monster sound to their rickety style. Here seen at the Isle of Wight Festival, looking comfortable. This is sure to change, when they are issued with glittery matching band outfits.

Revenge of the Lawn's New Tactical Amphibious Assault Team Allow Coastal Gigs in Enemy Territory

Once again, Revenge of the Lawn have scored another first in the Island Rock World:

they have not only become the first Island band to boast that they have a Tactical Amphibious Assault Team (any band can say that) but they have actually formed one and undergone training.
For full story.

Some drunken bum down the seafront told us that "The End of the World is Nigh, very soon, honest ... I love you ..."

Fed up with all the Indie-Shite?

Vote for Revenge of the Lawn


The Isle of Wight County Press LiveWired competition page.

Band's Growing Array
of Musical Kitchenware & Polyphonic Plumbing

Revenge of the Lawn's Procurement Officer has been busy over the last few years visiting weird back-street music shops to buy new instruments to delight audiences. So far, she has managed to get an Ammopafpifpuferpavski, a P.I.S.S., a Launumba box, a bludgeophone, a Musopian Tube and various types and sizes of saw.

Vote for VAMPIRE

Two-time cancelled heat finalists, Revenge of the Lawn, have returned to submit the same song as the previous heat to check it really is as good as they hope. With help from Owen's desparate howling and Dread's pantomime percussion, and fortified with strange bass quaverings and moving trumpet wailings, they think it's quite good. Vote for it below.
Vampire was recorded live at the High Park Tavern, Ryde, and includes contributions from the regulars. The pub participants are entirely fictitious and any voice resembling the voice of a living real person is entirely unintentional and the band are not responsible for any similarity and cannot be held liable in a court of law. Thank you.

VAMPIRE    by    Revenge of the Lawn

Vote for it now at
The Isle of Wight County Press LiveWired competition page.

Revenge of the Lawn Forget to Plant Flag
So Sent Back up Mount Ashey


Revenge of the Lawn
Conquer Mount Ashey

in Blizzard and Win Snowball Fight

At exactly 10.50 this morning, Wednesday 6th January 2010,
Revenge of the Lawn became the first Island band to conquer the "unclimbable" treacherous East Face of Mount Ashey and plant a flag at the summit.

As if this was not enough, Team Revenge of the Lawn then went on to defeat three other teams at Ashey Seamark Snowball Pitch in the Grand Island Snowball Fight.

Full picture story

You are Invited to a Snowball Fight

Revenge of the Lawn offer a challenge to any other organisation on the Island to a snowball fight on Ashey Down. We will defeat any comers. Particularly welcome are challenges from other Island bands. We are desparate to show that we are the best at snowball combat, since all our musical ventures always seem to slip up on the ice.

This goes out to any organisation, group, band or workforce:

You are hereby formally invited to
a snowball fight
against Revenge of the Lawn
to take place at the seamark on Ashey Down
at 15.00 today (Wednesday 6th January)
and may the best team grind the faces of the losers in the icy snow.

This contest in not open to any professional snowball-fighting teams or snow athletes.
Snow-shoes, skis, and chains not permitted.
Oh, and did we mention that the snowball fight will be in the nude? Remember, no pain, no pleasure.

LiveWired Final Abandoned

Once again those Masters of Tease have pulled out of the final of the LiveWired competition, having convincingly swept almost all before them with their song,

Some say it's because the drummer is playing drums in a Musical show in Freshwater on the night of the final. Some even crueller gossips say that he's taken on the part of a pantomime dame in this musical and that's why he can't make the final.

However, we believe this is just a clever smokescreen, a cowardly ruse, to hide the fact that the band are just too darn scared to go up head-to-head against proper bands and musicians. After all, in the West Wight, they ARE known as Revenge of the Spineless.

To make amends, here's a short video of Belch-Harp playing the bludgeophone at the Quay Arts Centre.

Whinging about the West Wight
from the safety of the East Wight

The band moan on about the West Wight in song.

VAMPIRE    by    Revenge of the Lawn

Vote for it now at
The Isle of Wight County Press LiveWired competition page.

Not convinced?

Fair enough.
Watch the video of the song played live
and then go and vote for it.

Still not convinced?!

Then take yourself down to the Quay Arts Centre
on Monday 23 Nov. and see them live
and then go and vote for it.

    Quay Arts Centre Acoustic Originals

Queen's Harbour Master Portsmouth
Warns off Revenge of the Lawn

As in the good old days of British swashbuckling derring-do around the world (when you could turn up at any bit of land around the world, stick a flag in it and claim it as your own), Revenge of the Lawn
found a small island off the Isle of Wight coast in August and claimed it as their own (following the example of Columbus, de Gama, Sir Walter Raleigh and others).

This annexing was met with spiteful and unprovoked howls of protest from the Queen's Harbour Master Portsmouth.

The band have now received an ultimatum.

In response, the band are preparing a marine expedition to erect a large anti-vandal iron fence around their island. This will take place at the next low spring tides 17th - 19th October, and all are welcome to come and watch. We might make a party of it, eh?

Revenge of the Lawn Buy Island
with Earnings from Gig

On Friday last, Revenge of the Lawn earned £25 at a gig.
They have already spent it:
Full Story

August  21 Friday:
St. Cyriaca
High Park Tavern,
Marlborough Road
September  5 Saturday:
St. Capitanus Sensibilius
The Simeon Arms,
Simeon Street
October  2 Friday:
St. Gerinus
High Park Tavern,
Marlborough Road
October 16 Friday:
St. Maxima
The Solent Inn,
Monkton Street
October 25 Sunday:
St. Daria
The Rose,
Pier Street

Revenge of the Lawn Member in
Architectural Adultery Case

A Revenge of the Lawn band member has been sacked, after being caught committing adultery with the spouse of Mrs. Erika La Tour Eiffel, wife of the Eiffel Tower.

'Musician', trumpet player for the band, was snapped by an over-zealous private eye, who Mrs. La Tour Eiffel had employed to spy on her husband, Mr. La Tour Eiffel, who she suspected had been having an affair for the last four months. Musician was photographed getting creamy with her husband, but he insisted it was only a casual, opportunistic grope and that the Eiffel Tower could have moved away if it hadn't liked it.

He also claims that the Eiffel Tower lead him on, inviting him to stroke its "long, slender but strong metallic legs", while deliberately splaying open all four of its legs to give him a view into its intimate interior. "It teased me saying, 'Do you think you can handle a large 1,000ft iron public monument, big boy?'" said Musician in tears."It then invited me to stroke its metal rivets and sleek iron girders."

Erika La Tour Eiffel has declined to comment, but the Eiffel Tower has been closed for cleaning.

Revenge of the Lawn's Rain of Drizzle

Here is the only known photo of Revenge of the Lawn's most recent gig on Ryde Seafront. The picture is blurred because the photographer was running for cover in one of the many slightly torrential downpours during the evening.

However, they managed to photograph this stalwart spectator, who is seen stubbornly braving the rain, as she does the Umbangi Stomp to "The Sun Shines East".   For dance purists, please note how she has insisted on doing this dance correctly with an umbrella, while dancing around a sacrificial chicken with a child positioned at two o'clock - now THAT is dedication.
Hats off to you, whoever you are.

Pampered, soft-as-shite Revenge of the Lawn can be seen dry and smug under the marquee in the background.

VentnorBlog's Seal of Approval
for Revenge of the Lawn

Referring to their most recent gig, VentnorBlog said, amongst other things, that the band "delivered everything they promised and more". Not difficult, as they only promised NOT to fall off the stage or to vomit in anyone's lap.

VentnorBlog Review

Isle of Wight Festival Special

Exclusive Pictures

Beverley Knight's

Revenge of the Lawn have always admired Ray the Bodyguard's work. When we heard he was coming to the Isle of Wight Festival, we sent our only ticket-holder, Prick-Ear, to photograph him in action. Only we hadn't expected it to be so difficult getting past dear young Beverley Knight!

Yes, I want to see Bev's Boy.

A Tribute to our former only Fan,
who has been sacked after holding the position for many years

After last night's gig at the Simeon, we now have a few new fans who are alot more animated, agreeable and complimentary.

So, matey, we won't have to put up any more with your sighs, frowns, rolling eyes, grumblings, mumblings, raised eye-brows and "When are you lot gonna be finished?".

Our ex-Fan

It's Here!

Spanish toilet paper giants, Papel Higiénico del Andrez, have finally agreed to sponsor Revenge of the Lawn's latest song.

That's why it's been so long in coming - negotiating with these corporate conglomerates takes time.

Anyway, the Spanish company have agreed to produce a Galería de Arte [that's 'art gallery' to you and me) to launch the song and help make it more understandable.

Art Gallery

Statement re: LiveWired heat
issued at 14:05 Monday 23 February:

It is with deep regret that I have to inform you that Revenge of the Lawn will not be able to participate in the Heat Two round at The Studio, Newport on Wednesday 25th February.

As I foresaw in the write-up on the band, the majority of members are otherwise engaged on that night, and even my estimate of two being ill was slightly optimistic. Two are presently incapacitated due to "slight colds" ('trivial' is the word I would use, but they don't seem to think so); one is in hospital; and one has a broken wrist. One is on holiday in Devon. One lives in London and has to give a music lesson that evening. One is on call that evening and has not been able to change their shift at such short notice [We only found out we were in Heat Two on Friday).

And so that leaves us with the mainly disreputable section of the band: trumpet, saxophone and trombone players and one single bassist. We certainly can't give the audience the performance they deserve with just that bunch, so we will have to reluctantly withdraw.

Thanks anyway for your time and attention.

Revenge of the Lawn.

P.S. Please rest assured that when those wastrel-malingerers get back, they will be reprimanded in the severest of terms, for inconveniencing you and the LiveWired team.


the Programme for the First Ever Garlic Festival

on the Isle of Wight in 1985.

Vending Machine Studied Daily by Motivated Man

A man from Sapporo in Japan photographs the same vending machine each day and notes down the changes that have occurred. He even draws little diagrams to show these changes. Mad, some would say. Dedicated, we say. Ryuichi Ikeda has got a dated archive of all his pictures down the right hand side of his web page. The name of the blog is "I take a picture of the vending machine every day (or so). I’m very sorry."

... Now that is weirder than falling in love with one , writing a song about it and then creating a video to go with the song.

Revenge of the Lawn Merchandising:
something for all occasions.

A range of Revenge of the Lawn badges
available at
The Obscure Badge Shop.

Noddy ain't so Nice

The continuing saga of Noddy and his issues.

Worldwide Wheelie Bin Shortage Shocker
It's a Tick Tock, waiting to go off.

People report that their wheelie bins are being stolen at an alarming rate. Everyone agrees that Wheelie bins are scarce, but there are fierce arguments as to why.
As usual, Revenge of the Lawn, never shy about voicing their view, wade into the political and economic turmoil caused by this controversy and offer the answer through song.

Official reasons for scarcity?

  • Huge demand from Eastern Europe to improve their recycling.

  • A wheelie bin factory fire somewhere in either Poland, France or England.

  • German government stipulations that every home have a separate bin for paper recycling.

  • The high price of oil, raw material of wheelie bin manufacture.

However, the government don't want you to know the real reason for the shortage because it exposes their Law and Order policies as a feeble, empty sham.

Can Revenge of the Lawn's latest offering, written by Quaker, really offer the true conspiracy fact behind the reason and lift the lid on a huge scandal at the heart of urban Britain? The Daily Telegraph's Political Correspondent, James Kirkup, thinks it can.

A Song about an Existentialist Book-related Dilemma

Rattle-head takes a turn as vocalist to confess through song.

Power Cuts Pester Performers

Recently, Revenge of the Lawn have been plagued so much by power cuts during their live gigs that they have recruited an acoustic bass player to step in at the unfortunate moment that the electricity fails.

Unable to find anyone who could play tea-chest or wash-tub bass on the Island, the band had to go over to Portsmouth, where they came across Mr. K. Copasetic, a sturdy practitioner of twanging the pole [N.B. a lesser website would have made a joke there about him "twanging furiously on his pole", "playing vigorously with his pole", "handling his mighty, vibrating pole with manly expertise", "this member likes playing on his pole", "every winter he varnishes and polishes his pole", or such like, but, as you are only too well aware, this website doesn't go in for such Matron-type gags.].

Suffice to say, having Mr. Copasetic as a reserve bassist has been such a success. Because the rhythm section can now carry on in any situation, the band don't fear power cuts any more.

P.S. And in case you were wondering, yes, he does "keep a tight grip on his pole", and also on the broom handle of his bass.

Pistols Finally Humour Island Band

Recently, at the Isle of Wight Pop Festival,
Revenge of the Lawn were amazed to find that The Sex Pistols had finally given in to the band's repeated whinging and whining letters,
asking the Pistols
to do Pretty Vacant in a Revenge of the Lawn stylee
i.e. a bit rickety and jerky with choppy guitar.

This is what they got.

Thanks to Revenge of the Lawn's song, At the End of Ryde Pier, Island inhabitants are that bit wiser about the dangers of throwing themselves of Ryde Pier for fun.

But what about
throwing yourself off the ferry as it comes into dock at the pier?
That's a new one on us.

Revenge of the Lawn Launch New Perfume

A new body fragrance specially designed by the band and available only in supermarkets and national branded chemists.

Berlin Walls, Eiffel Towers, Vending Machines and Marriage.

Revenge of the Lawn's assistant vocalist is not the only one who is
in love with an inanimate object,
but he may be the only one to have written a song about
this strange romantic desire.

Horticulturalists of Gaiety?

Revenge of the Lawn's reply to recent accusations
that they are gay.

Glen Matlock to Join Revenge of the Lawn?

Revenge of the Lawn are in confusion over their Management's decision to recruit Glen Matlock on bass. The Band have failed to block this and are thus about to split with their management.

Revenge of the Lawn's Confession to the World
( well, the Isle of Wight at least)


Truly Scrumptious, Truly Kippered!

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang's musical score claims its first victim. Well, the song looked so sad, standing there in the rocky waste land beyond the true path that leads to the Family Musical. Somehow it had strayed off the track, that we've been following conscientiously for a while now - we couldn't help but succumb. However, it does make us the first band [not just the first Island band - the first band ever] to do a cover of this song. And so here it is:

Doll on a Music Box/Truly Scrumptious
Revenge of the Lawn

A Roundabout to Call our Own!

In recognition of our sterling work in the field of Local Music and as a token of their appreciation for our promotion of sponsoring a roundabout, the Isle of Wight Council have dedicated a roundabout to our band and have named it the Revenge of the Lawn Roundabout in our honour.

Thank you very much Mr. Head of the Council. But don't worry Ratepayers! The Council didn't spend a penny of your easily-conned Council Tax on it.

Foreigners. Take Note!

Unlike all other British bands,
Revenge of the Lawn DO care and therefore we cater for the foreign visitor with our new, improved
International Welcome Page.

International Welcome Page

Here you will find a link through to a Home Page written in one of 9 languages. We are able therefore to cover 74% of the world's population. We are currently working on the slav, hindi and punjab languages for the discerning Central Asian customer, and as soon as we find someone who can speak those languages, we'll have almost 100% of world coverage.

?????? ??????????? ???? ?????
Yidish ibersezung kumt bald.

OFFICIAL, apparantly!

"Revenge of the Lawn, it is the Immigrant Music!"
The band of choice for all discerning immigrants to Britain

Review of Revenge of the Lawn
by Jadwiga Nowicki, our Polish correspondent in Newport.


Revenge of the Lawn's
new song
about jumping off Ryde Pier.

Show your favourite Isle of Wight band
how much you love them with a cyber-rose,
or they might just wither away.

Revenge of the Lawn have managed to buy a very rare copy of Vera Lynn's tasteless Hits of the Blitz. It was so shameful that only 500 copies were ever pressed before the government moved in and closed down the pressing plant in the interests of preserving national morale. It was recorded as a joke and was never intended to be released. With songs such as "There's a Bugger load of Smoke over Piccadilly", "London's Frying Tonight" etc., it's easy to see why Lynn's management and the British government never wanted this to be available.

More Musical Manglings from The Hoo Haas, Australia's Breath of Fresh Air

Those lovable Aussie rogues, The Hoo Haas, have done it again and produced another incongruous musical offering, that's pure musical gold. That trumpet does it for us, every time! And if that don't, then the vocals sure will. Don't take our word for it [we're always prone to distortion]. Visit their site and hear it for yourself. We'll let you know as soon as they vomit forth any new ramblings or disturbed country bizarrities.

Shock! Horror! Some of Revenge of the Lawn move to West Wight!

The majority of Revenge of the Lawn have now moved to an area of the West Wight and are running around in such overwhelming numbers that the Council have decided to change the name of the village to Revenge of the Lawn. As the Highways Department start to change the road signs in accordance, the East Wight contingent of the band are said to be reeling in dismay at the shock move.

The band's impressive result in the 2007 cheese-rolling races
at Cooper's Hill, Gloucester.

Yes, it's Official!

Contrary to whatever you've heard, Revenge of the Lawn are not chickening out of this year's Birdman of Bognor Contest at all. No way, mateys!

Revenge of the Lawn would like it known that
they HAVE SUBMITTED an entry for this year's competition.

Read all the excitement now.

The Sorry Saga of Trying
to throw a
Vending Machine
off a
Multi-storey Car Park.

Revenge of the Lawn are a 5 piece band but intend to grow into a 23 piece combo soon. It has taken 16 years to become five but they are on a roll so they should multiply fairly quickly, seeing as they have now mastered the art of regeneration and are quietly confident they know how to make extra people without electricity or any of that sort of early 19th century bio-physical nonsense.

Who are Revenge of the Lawn? As if you're interested! ... no, no! I really don't think you are ... I think you only stumbled on this site by mistake ... What's that? ... No, you don't convince me you genuinely want to know who they are ... No, now you're just trying to humour me ... No! You're just a hyperlink addict, who can't help clicking on any link you see - you're really not bothered about knowing who the band are, and quite right you are to ... Oh, you are! Oh, OK. Revenge of the Lawn are this or this [for Asian visitors only] or< REVENGEoftheLAWN WIDTH=70% ALIGN=a bit that way CELLPADDING=ample BGCOLOR=pale FONT SIZE=well-endowed [honest] >.

The band are very keen to take over, hijack, subsume, buy out or absorb any other fully-formed Island bands that might have had enough. Failing that, they are certainly interested in mergers with other bands. Finding the whole business of writing, playing and singing " a bit of a shag", they are desparately eager to find others to do it for them. They are particularly lazy like that.

They come from Sandown in the Isle of Wight but have connections all over the Solent region, except for the West Wight, which they abhorr like the Pharisee avoiding your typical Saducee.

Although the band reluctantly and grudgingly accept its findings, the Official Isle of Wight Local Entertainment Poll rated the band as 26th best band on the Island, coming in many places behind such combos as Capo Regime, The Tin Lids and Jackson Analogue! [God,what is this Island coming to!?] This is why they have started their own Top 11 Best Island Band Chart, in the hope that they can rig it to become No. 1.

Revenge of the Lawn are not just a third-rate band; they are also superb athletic machines, who have got their collective eye on vigorous outdoor events (as well as any biblical rough-and-tumble exertions). Stay alert - Revenge of the Lawn could be coming to a foolhardy traditional sporting event near you!

As all the best boy bands do when their careers are flagging, the band would like it known that they are soon changing their name by deed poll to Isle Blow and U Finger.

The band would also like it known that they form a part of the THIS GHASTLY MENACE™ group of bands. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Revenge of the Lawn are listed in Gig-Guide.Co.UK
Gigs, Bands and Music Venues at Gig-Guide.Co.UK

Revenge of the Lawn particularly recommend the following albums:

[Columbia A2589]

[Brunswick 3307]

[Verve 016723 ]

Guarantee of Veracity:
All informations on these web-pages have been authorised, produced and certified by the franchise operator holding company, This Ghastly Menace™ , and are correct at time of publication and to the best of the company's knowledge, which is vast. Any claimed inaccuracy cannot therefore be possible and we urge any contestors to thoroughly review their own information sources: in almost all cases, you will find your own knowledge/experience/self-awareness is at fault. After careful and sober reflection as well as honest self-investigation, most people or organisations realise they are not who or what they claim to be after all. This Ghastly Menace™ do not bear grudges, unlike Revenge of the Lawn, and will not hold it against you, if you turn out NOT to be who you say you are. This Ghastly Menace™ know you better than you do yourself!