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Glen Matlock set to Join
Revenge of the Lawn

Revenge of the Lawn split with Management
over Matlock Fiasco

Amid much bitter accusation and counter-cajoling, Revenge of the Lawn look set to part company with their management after the band found out that Glen Matlock had been approached and has agreed to play bass for the band without their knowledge.

The management have claimed that the band's bass player, Baptist, is not fit for purpose and also maintain that the rumours, that he has been receiving acupuncture for a severely arthritic hand, are true and have not been started by them. They did not deny that Glen Matlock had agreed to play bass for Revenge of the Lawn.
[Left] Baptist's sadly arthritic bass-playing hand. Has it seen better days?

The news has left Baptist inconsolable, sobbing erratically on the kerbside, his knees tucked up tight under his chin. Revenge of the Lawn, although not opposed in theory to Glen Matlock playing bass for them, are not prepared to discard Baptist, who has been in the band for several generations now, and although somewhat past his sell-by-date, is considered a solid wrinkled family retainer. The band issued a statement saying that they do admire Matlock's bass playing, especially for The Sex Pistols, but for the present would stand by Baptist. They feel that Matlock's style of bass playing would fit their music perfectly and would definitely be an asset to their band, but they are unable and unwilling to heave Baptist off that musical cliff [at the moment - ed.].

Matlock agrees the deal at the band's Newport management office. Photo contributed.
With face screwed up and teeth clenched hard, the band's management have made it threateningly clear that Revenge of the Lawn are contractually bound to accept any band change that they deem fit and suitable, in the interests of the band's health and safety. Accordingly, they have given Baptist a month's notice to vacate his position and under-the-stairs bed, in advance of Glen Matlock taking over. Matlock is said to be excited about this new challenge and is looking forward to playing bass at a small-town, local level again.
For their part, the band have declined to comment, although still cannot believe the plan has any substance. A source close to the band said, "Revenge of the Lawn are confused, but don't seem to have any intention of putting Baptist out to grass. He's like a family pet. I mean, would you put your pet down if it was grossly arthritic, mis-shapen, almost comatose, terminally diseased, horribly damaged and in great pain all the time?"

And so the band are now left wondering, should they accept Glen Matlock as their new bass player? After all, he does have a healthily good head of hair [the main criteria for being in the band]?