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Straight Ahead
for
Revenge of the Lawn


Suffice to say, that although the East Wight and West Wight sides of the band are tending to growl at each other across a metaphorical cultural curtain [located somewhere near Rookley], the two parties will continue to work amicably together, although the different functions of music will be divided out with composition and song titles going to the East Wight group, while arrangements, harmony, lyrics, melody, chordal structure, accompaniment, sound recording, instrumentation, recording technology, video editing, inspiration, catering, greetings cards and all other celebration-related media will all be allocated to the West Wight branch of the band. This Ghastly Menace, the franchise parent, said, "We look forward to a highly creative period, especially when the East Wight branch divide and a new diagonally-slightly-down-from-the-centre-and-quite-a-bit-over-to-the-right Southern branch is formed."

The move has arguably caused the biggest split in the band, since the haunting of a pair of trousers belonging to Ranter, when most of the band were convinced [rightly, as it turned out] that the trousers had become possessed by a melancholic spirit. This was countered by several of the band [who were violently opposed to all belief in the supernatural] accusing Ranter of just being too lazy or pervy to zip his flies up. A night at a pub arguing over "the spiritual condition of trousers" ended in a bloody brawl after chucking-out time on St. Helen's green, after which the band agreed to test the supernatural content of the said trousers.

A terrifying night vigil, when the trousers were observed by all the band to cavort unaided round the room, before trying to strangle the smallest member of the band, Quaker, resulted in an exorcism performed by the Bishop of Winchester. Although the trousers have remained quiet ever since, the trauma of what the band witnessed that night has become a deeply buried experience that they are unable to deny. So much so that the non-esoteric members of the band have left and have now formed their own band, Guardians of the Lightbulb.