Revenge of the Lawn
revenge c ukonline co uk
Message: Re: song "Bill o'Neills Sandwich". Don't worry, Bill. It's on its way. Temporary set back -the drummer is getting all headmasterish on us.
Tuh..Drummers...
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Mr. Name.
mr_name isp co fu
Message: ....free bill o'neils sandwich with every two sold...
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Sandwich song
billlimosus tiscali co uk
Message: I'm also patiently waiting for a version of 'free bill o'neills sandwich' to appear in revenge of the lawn's download page - come on chaps you saw how stellar bandaid went - what are you waiting for. I must admit my sandwich passion has been recently disrupted by sarah stevens and vending machines.
If this song ever comes into being I would seriously suggest submitting it to the Guiness Book of Records under the heading "Most Obscure Song Ever". Think about it - a song about a sandwich that was thrown at a band that nobody has ever heard of during a concert in a town that nobody has ever heard of (unless you live in Bexhill) written as a result of a conversation between to people that no one has ever heard of on the comments page of a website that no one has ever heard of. What would you have to write about to be more obscure than that?
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Clockwork Bill
billlimosus tiscali co uk
Message: Re - Sarah "sandwich" stevens
Stuff my old sandwich - i think i'm in love sighhhhh
Bad boy. In your bed.
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O.B. Quite esq.
fucketybollock brain wank er
Message: Well here I am, fresh from another successful banjo driven mini-tour of the IOW, comprising of playing Yates open mic night on Monday (You missed a good one Dave)and playing some songs in the Countryman in Brighstone after I got off the bus on Tuesday, then back to Portsmouth for open mic at the Fawcett Inn yesterday, that is to say Wensday.
With reference to Allys somewhat disparaging remarks about my banjo, this friendy little instrument does unfortunately encounter more than it's fair share of unreasonable predjudice but most people like it. A bloke in the Fawcett last night told me that I was the best banjo player that he had heard, I think he meant had heard that day but anyway he was obviously a person of great taste, even if some what under the influence of alcohol. Wait till you hear my banjo version of 'Shena is a Punk Rocker'.....
You missed out your impromptu performance at HOC™. The ukulele has come in for much more stick than banjos ever did and now they are fast becomming the coolest instrument around again (of course I still look like a c**t when i play one) so keep the faith.
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Tony webb
maryjanewarner hotmail co uk
Message: Am i to late to vote???????????????????
Err..to vote on what? if you're talking about "What Tony does next," then you are a little tardy yes.
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Me
blah cheese co uk
Message: porn
...there see. Can I just say that this would have been funnier if the messages were ordered in ascending order of date
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sarah "sandwich" stevens
sstevens hotmail co uk
Message: your spam filter doesn't like the word special with ist on the end - that's what it was blocking.
I'll proove it to you....
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sarah "sandwich" stevens
sstevens hotmail co uk
Message: And now you come to mention it, how about some full-on Pot Noodle prawn?
P.S. I've had to use the word "prawn" instead of p _ _ _ cos your spurt filter won't let this massage through otherwise.
No you can use the word porn, that isn't a problem, of course getting a massage through the spam filter is going to be much more difficult.
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sarah "sandwich" stevens
sstevens hotmail co uk
Message: Part 2
It's somewhat of a niche taste so it's difficult to find.
Hmm...
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sarah "sandwich" stevens
sstevens hotmail co uk
Message: I'll try and send it in bits.
Part 1
Phantom site moderator is right when he says there is sandwich prawn.
Here is some sandwich prawn (soft crust prawn) that I came across on the Net.
I can't wait....no hang on... that's disgusting.
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sarah "sandwich" stevens
sstevens hotmail co uk
Message: Hello, I tried to send you a message but your spam filter blocked it.
That's possible..
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ally2000
I am paranoid.
Message: OB quiet
The reggae is good, the banjo crap. But the tech thats us download is wicked. OB on my Ipod... Cool... Smile. More photos, less teeth, more hair. where's my christmas card.
What the hell does "But the tech thats us download is wicked" mean. How can I send you a christmas card? I don't know who you are.
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Phantom site moderator
billlimosus tiscali co uk
Message: I bet you didn't realise there was such a thing as sandwich porn either - huh?
Any food is porn for me except kidneys.
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Benefit gig
Billlimosus tiscali co uk
Message: I will not be impressed if egg and cress sandwiches are present as fodder at the gig - eggs do contain Salmonella enteritidis and Campylobacter jejuni and would give people the squits.
You're missing the point here - i am bereft of all feelings for any fly by night 2 piece bread products - i just want my darling cheese and tomato back - its been so long - i don't care if she has got green fungi growing all over her crusty edges. Just to feel the gentle squeeze of her tomatoes against the hard cheddar cheese and .......
This posting has been interupted by the sites moderator* {This interuption has been interupted by the sites moderator so he can do this *} - i will not tolerate sandwich porn on my site.
........opps sorry - anyway lets get this straight,
Benefit gig - OK
Ryde Theatre - OK (but Rye theatre is do-able by bus from eastbourne)
Bill O'Neill benefit song - OK (but can i check lyrics first?)
Rev John curtis speech - Defintely but see above re lyrics.
Francis Pickering - God bless him - why isn't he standing as Londom Mayor?
Can i assemble a ninja squad to storm Handbag Nigels place - anyone got his address? Cheesetomatoella i'm coming -
site moderator* - stop that sandwich porn stuff now else your barred!!
Neither of the above interruptions were actually made by the sites moderator, {nor was I aware that there was any moderating going on (other than censoring the occasional "s" word, "f" word or cunt} this is the grossest misrepresentation.
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Revenge of the Lawn
revenge c ukonline co uk
Message: Dear Francis Pickering and the Sandwich Cold Case Squad,
Yes, we would like to offer our services to you. We have therefore started to organise a Free Bill O'Neill's Sandwich Benefit Concert, hopefully at Ryde Theatre. There will be quite a number of bands in the line-up, as well as a rabble-rousing speech in the middle by the tub-thumping Rev. John Curtis, a long-time, close friend of Bill's.
Francis, you will need to produce t-shirts and badges to be sold along with various propaganda literature at the special table. We'll arrange the sandwiches, but please keep Bill away from them. You know what he's like when he's got one in his hand and we certainly don't want a faceful of an egg and cress sandwich, no matter how well made they are, when we're up there playing. Also, might need a few open air rallies in the middle of Newport at some point, but again, don't let Bill near the sarnies!
I think this gig is doubly important, since I see from the e-mail by the Sandwich Cold Case Squad, that there are children involved (Hmm, interesting - sex with a sandwich!). This whole side of this sordid affair will need to be hushed up or we'll have Social Services involved and then all our sandwiches have had it.
P.S. You'll be pleased to hear we've written a Free-Bill-O'Neill's-Sandwich anthem specially for the gig.
I can't wait to hear that. Up to your usual lyrical standard i hope.
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Sandwich cold case squad
billlimosus tiscali co uk
Message: We have been trying to locate this sandwich since Mrs O'Neill (Bills mum) reported it missing possibly uneaten in 1980. If you lot don't stop messing about and give Bill back his sandwich then we'll send Trevor Eve around.
Bill did not throw the sandwich - it involunatarily left his hand after an argument about whether the tomato was a vegetable or fruit. It was only supposed to be a trial separation, there were kids involved he has never looked at another sandwich since, although has been tempted by Subway.
Reunite Bill and his Sandwich now - you know it makes sense - rumours that Bob Geldoff is preparing c list popstars for Sandwich Aid are rife - feed the Bill, do you know its sandwich time?
Is it time to stop sandwich posts yet?
DC Breadmeister (not Bill O'Neill at all)
Hey no, you carry on. Nobody is talking about anything else anyway.
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Francis Pickering
f j pickering reading ac uk
Message: Dear House of Cheese,
This is really for the person called Handbag Nigel. I think you should be ashamed of yourself. I have seen the suffering these decaying sandwiches have to put up with, when they are paraded for auction on the sandwich walk in front of hundreds of slobbering and hungry eyes at the auction rooms. It really is a disgustingly sad sight, as each sandwich (usually with bites taken out of them, for most of their original eaters threw them away in disgust or in jest) shuffle slowly and forlornly onto the stage, as the clients bid madly for them. The degree of sadness of the sandwich is matched by the degree of violence of the bidding, as clients flap paper wildly, hit each other with bidding batons, yell, scream and shout and finally lust noisily and with much saliva, after each dejected sandwich, often disorientated and confused by the avaricious clamour.
You, Handbag Nigel, are no better than a sandwich pimp and should be spat on. Don't give me all that mock righteous charity! Give the sandwich back to its rightful owner, who, after all, seems a decent sort. What he did was a long time ago and he's obviously learnt his lesson. I'd like to suggest a Reunite Bill O'Neill with his Sandwich Campaign. Any takers?
Okay..I'm a bit disturbed now.
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Handbag Nigel
handbag_nigel btinternet com
Message: Dear Bill O'Neill,
I am sorry to hear that you have not eaten since 1980. Perhaps I could arrange for some food shipments to Hastings or possibly some soup kitchen vouchers for you. I say this to somehow alleviate the bad news that I will not be returning your sandwich to you for the following two reasons:
Reason 1.
I am now legally the owner of that sandwich and have a Certificate of Ownership from Christies to prove it. Also, recently, there has been a huge growing market for sandwiches in the Art Collector's World, especially amongst Arab oil sheiks and East Asian businessman. Sandwiches from the period between 1978 and 1982 are particularly sought after. So much so, that a peanut butter sandwich, thrown at The Sex Pistols in 1977, did not even reach its reserve price of £3, whereas a crustless strawberry jam sandwich made from Cranks wholemeal bread with a light smattering of poppy seed, that caught Elvis Costello full in the eye in 1980, exceeded even the most optimistic expectations when it sold for £3,700 two weeks ago. So you can see that the trend in recent auction prices laughs at the £530 I paid for your sandwich. Nonetheless, I paid alot of money for that sandwich and consequently I am not willing to part with it. If I were to sell, I don't think you'd be in a position to buy it back.
Reason 2.
I have spoken to the sandwich and it says it does not want to go back to you. It is prepared to meet up with you for a short chat, but you must realise that you were quite beastly to it back then, and it is very nervous, even intimidated, about meeting you again. I will try my best to get it see you for longer and maybe spend the day with you, possibly on the South Downs with a nice pub lunch thrown in, but much more than that, I fear will be impossible. It is clearly so unhappy about seeing you again that it has insisted that, if such a meeting were to happen, that I be present to oversee matters.
My big question though is: Why? Why did you have to throw it? I mean, all you had to do was eat it. But, oh no, you had to go and throw it, didn't you? And by doing that, you essentially undermined the whole psychological fabric of that sandwich's existence - basically you called into question its sandwichliness. You made it feel insecure about its sandwichuality, leaving it doubting it was a real sandwich. You made it feel inadequate, prompting it to ask itself, "Was it really not good enough to eat?" And you induced a full collapse of its self-esteem, causing it to the reach the crushing conclusion that it was not worth anything in culinary or nutritional terms. And here, it must be said that the target of your sandwich assault, the band, Smeggy and the Cheesybits, are also partly responsible for this sandwich's self-loathing. Having been thrown at this noisy puking outfit, the sandwich landed on the floor, only then to be totally ignored by the band, causing arguably more emotional damage to the sandwich's self-worth than you had already caused.
No, I can understand why that sandwich does not wish to meet you, let alone go back to you. You see, by throwing that half-eaten sandwich at some flea-bitten band from Brighton, you really were causing that sandwich a great deal of psychological trauma. A sandwich's raison d'etre is to be eaten. To put it more philosophically, I am edible therefore I am.
Now, you start launching a sandwich as a projectile and you set up an incredible, but mouth-watering mixture of mental confusions, contradicting emotions and psychological tensions within the psyche of that sandwich. Its primal urge tells it to prepare itself to be eaten, and yet there it is flying through the air for the purpose of mirth and merriment at the expense of some band. It has essentially become a clown, whose only purpose is to make people laugh.
This is all very well and is very funny, I agree, when the thrown sandwich connects with a member of a band and causes them some inconvenience or, even better, some hugely embarrassing discomfort (in fact, in this sort of case, the throwing is fully justified, even required, especially if it results in a temper tantrum, since the damage caused to the sandwich is outweighed by the vastly greater pleasure of a large number of people on seeing the huge embarrassment damage caused to the band).
But a sandwich's self-esteem is built on its awareness of its more worthy function of providing sustenance for human beings. If this purpose is denied, the mental imbalance in the sandwich's psyche causes what psychologists call a Self-Oozing Breakdown, where all its self-respect and potency seeps out of it. A sandwich is a simple being and cannot cope with the philosphical contradiction. Essentially, in clinical terms, you have 'negated' it, which always leads to a total malaise. A sandwich in this state will not pick itself up or stand up for itself. It will just lie around allowing itself to be stepped on continually by the customers of the pub or dancehall. Fortunately, Lord Exeter managed to rescue this one and add it to his Fine Art Sandwich collection.
What I'm trying to say in a very long but justified way, is that, in 1980, by that simple act of hurling that poor half-eaten sandwich, you did untold damage to it and it really would not be a good thing for you to have the sandwich back - not good for the sandwich, and, I think deep down, you know it would not be good for you. I mean, could you really cope with all the deep feelings that would be unleashed in you, if you were to be reunited with your sandwich? I mean, the guilt alone could be very dangerous, but the feelings of longing and pleasure would be so overwhelming that I fear for the safety of Hastings. If you quickly nip upstairs and fetch your copy of The Psychiatric Rehabilitation of Light Snacks Journal [ Number 5 / August, 2006. pp. 245-307] and reread the 2006 case, when an estranged ham and mustard sandwich was returned to its owner John Stratton, after a separation of seven years, you will no doubt remember that Stratton had a total breakdown, after massive euphoria turned into self-loathing. And all he had done was mislaid the sandwich seven years before. He never used it as a weapon of jollity and amusement!
In labouring the point, I don't think you can understand the stress and emotional strains that you caused in that sandwich in that simple act of throwing it.
A SANDWICH IS NOT MEANT TO FLY; IT IS MEANT TO SLIDE.
I know that, God knows that, everyone knows that - except for you, it seems.
Since then, the sandwich has had to deal with crippling schizophrenic issues, but after much therapy, has managed to pull through. I've had to pick up the pieces. Do you know how tedious it is listening to a sandwich pour out its rage, traumas, fears, insecurities and feelings of inadequate confusion hour after hour, for months on end? I sometimes wish I hadn't bought the bloody thing, and therefore I really do want people to understand that:
SANDWICHES ARE FOR LIFE, NOT JUST FOR A QUICK FLING IN A PUB.
P.S.
I am not interested in finding a culprit to blame (other than you, Smeggy and the Cheesybits, Hastings Pier and all the punters who attended that gig]; all I want to do is publicise the fragile psyche of the common sandwich and prevent this sort of sandwich abuse in the future.
All my love,
Handbag Nigel.
P.P.S. Clockwork Criminals had a good jangly sound - great classic stuff. You should've done some gigs in Portsmouth - I never went outside the city limits, you see. Do you remember a shop called Bondage in General?
Hey guys! Get a room!
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Peter Collins
pcollins virgin net
Message: Hi, Pat,
hope this gets to you, but some of the forms on the office webpage are meesing up at the moment. I've been away working in Germany and got back last Thursday. the bag was confiscated by border police and so all that stuff was lost. think they missed the concealed dustpan and brush though - you did a good job there! Are you still at the same address? Did you manage to feed and let the cat out? don't matter if you didn't cos there's plenty of leather in the house for it to eat. Albanians weren't satisfied with the quality of the furnishings and said if the corners were Spanish cut and in a beige we'd have a deal. Beige??!!! I think this deal's a non starter. I refuse to deal in beige - what do you think?
Let me know & then i can get cracking on taking out the writ against you know who.
???????
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Bill O'neill
billlimosus tiscali co uk
Message: If anyones interested you can here more delightful southcoast punk gems at myspace.com/clockworkcriminals - yes revel in the only southcoast punk concept EP for free - go on see if you can match the songs to bits in the book. Answers on a postcard to Bill, winner will get a half eaten sandwich if handbag nigel(la) ever gives it back.
Ah yes! Clockwork Criminals, Hastings, funny story. Must..write..funny..story..
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lukebudz
lukebudz hotmail co uk
Message: sweet, you've put my music on the net. will send some new music and photos soon. love luke budz.x
The more the welcomer. But don't go sending me massive emails will you.
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nur
I am paranoid.
Message:
EAR Al said that Rob said, that picture of Quintin is Pete Singelton, and the other two are Bob the Violinist and Bruno's wife.
We showld the picture of us to Sam........... Love nur x
Who the hell was Bob the Violinist? Come to that who the hell was Bruno (I know who his wife was, its that girl in the picture), and who the hell is Sam?
Thankyou for the info I will doctor the pictures sweet tooth.
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Bill O'Neill
billlimosus tiscali co uk
Message: Handbag Nigel- can i have my f**king sandwich back pleeeze i haven't eaten since 1980. Anyway i think i personally made that sandwich and thus deserve any royalties from future sales - ask cliff richard.
There are rumours that Handbag Nigel is now known as Handbag Nigella, I'm sure we'll know soon enough.
Remember that the adventures of Handbag Nigel are chronicled in the song posted recently by Revenge of the Lawn (available for download here and here for abolutely nothing {and while I'm nesting brackets can I just say what a sublime final third that song has - beutiful slide guitar playing}).
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Derry Le Ach
I am paranoid.
Message: I haven't got cable though !
OK so you dudes had your chance, shame you cannot make 100 Club on 21/06, I have got Little Barrie to take the slot I held for y''all. Maybe my hope of another gig was naive and silly. What happened to Dread does he still drum ?
Was listening to the Dead above the Neck tape a couple of weeks ago - lerv the Scrounging Song, reminds me of a few folks on IOW that I knew at the time.
All the best, respek to the Waltons !
Del.
PS-anybody in London on above date check above band night it will be a cracker.
Yeah sorry about that Derry but it was never really on the cards. I'm sorry I don't know what happened to Dread, I haven't seen him since yesterday afternoon when he was playing the drums in my front room. I do know that he has handed on the rhythm gene to the next generation and that this can be seen in action at Ryde Castle this evening (I think) playing with The Hoops (I also think).
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OBQ
I am paranoid.
Message: Well I did the open mic. on monday but because they had a band on as well I only got to play three short songs. Apologies the anyone who came eager to hear me but I had to go and get a bus. The band were called....er...can't remember..they had a very good fiddle player and a complete lack of memorable songs.
Sorry I forgot all about it. What's the idea of having a gig on a Monday anyway?
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John
I'mreallypissed thepub com
Message: Hey Cheesybits. This top ten...it isn't for real is it?
I swear it's absolutley kosher. Well except for the index of indifference which is pure bollox (I can't even remember how I worked that out) but even that is automatic I don't interfere with it. The chart positions and the top ten songs are based on real downloads. Cats Like Plain Crisps are the most popular band by a considerable margin and have been since I started recording the downloads (though you've got bear in mind that their songs are probably being downloaded mostly by girls who obviously don't realise that you don't have to download a song everytime you want to listen to it [it's genetic don't you know {even if you are an Online Teaching and Learning Manager and responsible for online pedagogy(sic) in its broadest sense (there I go, nesting brackets again)}]). But all joking aside Cats Like Plain Crisps get downloaded every day which is more {a lot more} than you can say for some bands [Rob]. Though to be fair to the Be-Bop Dustbins I have just realised that their download page hasn't been working for the last I don't-know-how-long [and to be fair to the downloding massive, either nobody told me or nobody knew]. the only underhand dodgyness I'm aware of is the fact that Rob keeps producing more and more Waltons tapes but refuses to let me post any more dustbins tapes. This is an obvious ploy to lower the Waltons' average downloads to a point where they drop below the Dustbins [it's working].
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Mr Angry
f**k off and die once com
Message: You want opinions? My opinion is that nobody really gives a shit.
True. Concise and to the point.
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Derry le Ach
derryleach aol com
Message: are Waltons gonna play again or would they consider it ?
If so I have a slot for you at the 100 Club in London on Sat 21/06.
Also ThunderClap Newman are playing and some other cool bands.
cheers,
Del.
The chances are slim frankly. Ask Mista Mushroom or I Heart Audrey they'll do it.
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Cerys
avottak gmail com
Message: Cerys is a new treatment for male erectile dysfunction (ED). Cerys is an almond-shaped yellow tablet and is swallowed. Cerys
Damn! you guys are just too clever for me.
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Anne Fan
I am paranoid.
Message: The Four Marys - Shocking
Finally! Someone with an opinion.
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Jim
jimproudfoot2 aol com
Message: Hello.
I am researching a book about the popular music scene and youth culture in Hastings, 1956 to present.
I understand that you played on the pier at the Flesheaters Ball and wondered whether you have any memories of that gig or playing in Hastings generally.
Do you remember Clockwork Criminals?
Thanks
Jim
Yes I do remember playing at the pier though I don't remember the Clockwork Criminals even though they played with us on at least one occaision (according to their web site) and yes I do have a good story about playing at the Carlisle (as mentioned below). I will try and write it down for you.
The name Jim Proudfoot is very familiar.
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Handbag Nigel
handbag_nigel btinternet com
Message: Your a bloody liar, Mr. Bits,
I bought that sandwich at an auction last year and it cost me a ton cos unfortunately there were alot of sandwich collectors there cos the Annual World Sandwich Collector's Fair was being held in London that Spring. For details of the Lot, see Christie's Lot Archive. I will willingly post a picture of it in its mahogany presentation case if you wish, or else you could visit my Travelling Sandwich Museum, when it comes to Portsmouth later in the year.
Always happy to oblige,
Handbag Nigel.
I'm sorry I can't type I'm laughing too much. Don't worry it's just because I've been taking the 5th (or was it the 7th) most dangerous drug in the world
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Bill O'Neill
billlimosus tiscali co uk
Message: Can i have my sandwich back please?
Ha! No sorry I ate it!
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Sean
sean ridler fsmail net
Message: David, I forgot to ask, who the f**k is this Tony Cornell bloke, looking to thrashhhhhh my boy. Did I know him at some point? Or did I perhaps arrogantly ignore him on some occasion, when all he was trying to do was be friendly and all I could think about was what a great STAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR I was, daaaaaarling!!!!
Yeah, thinking about it, that may well have been what happened. Anyway, I don't care who he is or what I did............except, who IS he (and do I care?)
Tony is only trying uphold standards in written English I'm sure that there is nothing personel intended in his comments made about your son. He is, however, a raving homosexual.
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Sean Waggabanjo
sean ridler fsmail net
Message: Hello David,
I'm afraid I'm a little tired, and so feel unable to tackle the marking of your work until tomorrow, however I thought it only fair to let you know that, even after the brief readthrough that I've managed, it's quite clear that substantial rewriting will be neccessary. Notwithstanding this, please be aware that any and all further material that you submit to us will be defaecated upon with all due diligence and haste.
Yours etc.
J. Waggabanjo
Senior Partner, Waggabanjo, Yeti, and Frooom
Thank you for your prompt reply. I will pass it on to our re-cycling department immediately.
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Sean
sean ridler fsmail net
Message: No David, that's a Cabal - C-A-B-A-L...........your command of English grammar, spelling, and syntax is sadly little better than that of my youngest son Ralph, who I understand corresponded with you on this "website" on a regular basis. No more, however. Last week, Ralph was sentenced to death by our Ridler Family Court and executed, for walking upon a flower bed in the garden, and his sister Hermione imprisoned in the family dungeon for life, for having wantonly spread too much butter upon her scone. Their Father has spoken.
PS. Has your life REALLY become THIS EMPTY?
Dear Sir, If you had read my comment carefully you would have noticed that I suggested two alternate spellings for your "son's" mumblings. Firstly C-A-B-L-E and secondly C-A-B-A-L. the first I spelt directly and the second I referenced by it's definition. Both words differ by one character from "Ralph's" scrawlings and yet you seem to simplemindedly focus on the second whilst ignoring the first. Is this because you are a stupid talent less c**t?
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Tony Cornell
lordcornell ukonline co uk
Message: Dear Mr C-Bits,
I'd like to be the first to support you wholeheartedly in your sending of the young Ridler to his room. The sooner he's sent upstairs to think about his literary naughtiness, the better. All those in favour, say Aye.
Aye
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GUESS WHOO
Message: comfortable playing with each other by this time and the line up is unusual in that both OB Quiet and Sean "the" RiDdler are playing. If you have to listen rock music you might aswell listen to this.
Y CAN NO-ONE SPELEL THE NAME
R-I-D-L-E-R
1D
1D
1D
1D
1D
1D
1D
1D
1D
1D
1D
1D
1D
1D
1D
Thankyou Mr Riddler.
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me again
I am paranoid.
Message: I STILL HAVE CABEL
ARE YOU GOING TO THE BESTIVAL THIS YR . I AM , GIVING UP ON FESTIVAL .
HOW ARE HE KOOKS SUNDAY NIGHT LIKE B4 THE POLICE ,
OH WELL
BYEEEE
That's Cable C-A-B-L-E or do you have a small group of secret plotters, as against a government or person in authority.
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RALPH RIDLERRRRRRR
like-you-care hotmail com
Message: I HAVE CABEL ITS GREAT
HAVNT LEFT AN OBSCENCE COMMENT FOR A WHILE
we saw you in sainsburys
i have told dad yo uses his new pc too come on here and get in touch because all he does is listen too genisis ALL NIGHT EVERYDAY on YOUTUBE , he uses it more than me........
ohh , aprently he phoned some-one yesterday
HELP
I LOVE CABEL
Ralph. If you don't learn to write I'm going to send you to your room.
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Bill O'Neill
billlimosus tiscali co uk
Message: Only recording was the Brighton college gig, and i think only one photo of Smeggy in the anchor pub Hastings. The venue you mention was probably the Carlisle pub - i remember that one and when you nearly didn't turn up for a gig on Hastings pier. Happy memories.
No we turned up for the gig it was Smeggy that was late. Fortunately Nicky and the Dots kindly made way for us. I remember that gig as being the first time anybody threw a sandwich at us, it was half eaten too, cheese and tomato.
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Bill O'Neill
billlimosus tiscali co uk
Message: I too have eaten most of my sticky out bits after discovering cheesey page. Being the ripe old age of 47 and hailing from Hastings we use to regularly follow the smeg gang loaded up with flour, eggs and foam. There was nothing better than a smeggy gig - i think other bands on at the gig wondered what the hell was happening as the venues took the appearence of a huge cookery programme as flour n eggs were liberally spread on everyone - in fact if we had brought milk i'm sure we could have had pancakes apres-gig.
i went on to play bass for Charlie and crims (Clockwork crims) and for a laugh have a look at the myspace page.
Anyway i too recorded the art college gig on my old amstrad tape recorded (it weighed a ton) but i think the quality is equally e or f - shame.
Its great to be able to download some of the songs - cheers.
I have fond (if slightly bizzarre) memories of Hastings. Especially playing at that upstairs club in a carpark on the front. Where Smeggy was so pissed that he only made it half way through the first number. I don't spose you've got any other tapes do you? Or photos of the Cheesybits?
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Henry Bollocks
arse upwards co uk
Message: Just when I thought life was strange and weird with just a dash of HP sauce I discovered Cheesybits and have now eaten my toes.
Thankyou (I think).
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kevin dean
lockquay aol com
Message: sorry about that, I just wanted to know if you had any django stuff & thanks for standing in ,you were better than that Anderson bloke.
Yes Rob's got a tape of that first gig but he seems reluctant to let me post it on this site (too embarrassing he says) but I'll talk him round. He said he would do you a copy though. I've got some Django ratix stuff which I will post eventually (honest). Re: Standing in - don't be silly.
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Kevin Dean
lockquay aol com
Message: Have got ant Django ratix stuff from the first gig at Brooke House? Rob wrote the lyrics on the same night of the gig in the Fleming Arms.
Love Kevin
I don't understand. What's an ant got to do with it? I can't help thinking there's a pronoun or two missing from your message as well. If your'e saying you have a tape of Django Ratix's first gig then give me a copy and I'll put it up. But what I would really like to hear is a tape of the gig when your guitarist didn't turn up and you roped in a certain Mr Cheesybits to play for you.
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Teija Siltala
I am paranoid.
Message: I was very annoyed to find my name and letter appear in this site. Please remove it immediately. I am respectable, elderly member of society and if Google public search shows my name in this type of connection it is very harmful.
I did wrote that inquiry in a good trust, believing I could finally find my old friend. It was not meant to be published. Do you understand that?
Oh hi Rob. You had me going there for a minute.
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throatwobblermangrove
I am paranoid.
Message: re xmas eve photos, kim fuller should read kim fautly, fots gig pic of rog & sarah in castle man on left is mick sivell. please try harder!!
All has now been corrected.
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Revenge of the Lawn
thelawn btinternet com
Message: Dear Dave,
You've been hosting our website for nigh on 4 months now and we realised we haven't thanked you. So, thank you.
Revenge of the Lawn.
Fuck off you bunch of cunts.
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Rob Martin
rob martin1 btinternet com
Message: There. Are you happy now?!
Malarious
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OBQ
whydouwanttoknow ny way co uk
Message: Semi automatic? so you still have to cock the hammer back from time to time then...
Yes but feel the speed. Response time measured in hours, not days. Hang on... it's jammed...
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Teija (Andersson) Siltala
I am paranoid.
Message: Hi,
I noticed You have got some material of the band Django Ratix. Do you have any idea where to find Craig Anderson. I am not a fan, he was my very close friend 22 years ago, but I have lost contact. Can you help?
No I can't. We were speculating about the whereabouts of the Anderson brothers just the other day. I'm sure this message will get a response eventually though. Is this about maintainence payments?
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Richard Sleep
Message: Hi Dave
This isn't a complaint I'm simply too dumb to figure out how to post anything on your site.
Yes the Grosvenor Road Reunion was surrealistic. Very nice to meet you anyway.
She who cannot be named (Tina C) gave me a hug and said "Richard" - Weed believes this to be a record.
Later three people who I didn't know from Adam ordered me to sit down and this girl snapped "Do you work in a circus?" "er no" "well you look like a clown" and proceeded to berate me for about 15 mins to my utter confusion. Finally the pissed-off looking guy growled at me "I remember you, you ripped me of for a quid deal in 1972" - luckily you turned up to ask "Is this true" - Like I'd have a clue!
Danny and Janet stayed at my place the next day, which was a lot of fun, since we could bitch about people!
I turned up and asked is what true?
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OBQ
ihavenorecolection@all.co.what?
Message: Thats funny...I don't remember writing that last email...still it must have been me 'cos I do have a stiff leg and an imposter wouldn't have known that would they?
Anyway thanks again to all the person who has been listening to my songs.
OBQ
Keep sending them in and I'll keep putting them up.
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O B Quiet
bloodystiff.leg@.leg.com
Message: I have a bloody stiff legg.
been up pub tho...got a free pint...thanx to all the people wjho ha ve downloaded my songs, I love u all..OBQ XXX
We aim to plaid.
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Rob Martin
rob martin1 btinternet com
I've tried not to rise to f**king Tony Cornell's bait and I've stayed silent for long enough, hwile f**king f**king Tony Cornell babbles insane, jealous crap about us. what a f**king f**ker - hes just a shit for brains.
Re the picture in his e-mail - what did he expect us to f**king look like in that buggering year - everyone looked bloody thin in that year!!!!!! We'd just had the spaghetti famine of '81, after the Brussel Sprout shortage of '80, following the semolina blight of '79 and you mustn't forget that taking Do-Do's was the height of fashion. course we were all f**king thin then - is it any wonder? . And then in 1981 came catastrophic Lean Wednesday. I did f**king well just to get those two girls just to look at my muscles - most people then just had skeleton arms to look at. SO piss off Cornell. Here's a picture of my shockingly muscley arm today just to prove what an adonis I am normally.
Yeah! You tell him Rob! Tony has always been sensitive about his arms since he had them both in plaster after that terrible wanking accident in 1980. He never should have watched that documentary about the sea otters.
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Tony Cornell
lordcornell ukonline co uk
Dear Mr. C-Bits,
It's been a while since I've written and I've become aware that a number of people believe that much of what I wrote about The Bebop Dustbins was exaggeration, distortion or down-right lies. They say that no band could be that inept or vacant, especially when it comes to the opposite sex. Au contraire, my little disbelieving puddin's, and I have the photos to prove it.
This one shows the pathetic lengths the band would go to try and impress girls. The photo shows one of them displaying his pallid, puny biceps to two female passers-by. Limp-wristed and believing that muscle display in swimming trunks would have them swooning, our poor, deluded fool actually believed the girls were interested. In fact, the reason they were staring was because they were amazed at the stringiness of his muscles, and both commented aside to me later that they hadn't seen such stringy limpness since the previous winter when confronted with a plate of very late in the year runner beans. I do have more shameful photos of the band. And you know me, Mr. Bits, I'm not one to shy away from humiliating The Bebop Dustbins, whenever I'm given the chance. Expect new photo releases in the future.
Yours exposing-charlatans-for-the-public-good as ever,
Tony Cornell
I've always found Rob to be muscled, full-bodied and sleekly toned. This picture must have been taken during the dreadful spaghetti famine of '81.
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Handbag Nigel
Message: Why, oh why, is there no information on O.B. Quiet? It's a crying scandal and a screaming-out-in-frothing-rage disgrace! Please can we have a potted biography immediately, especially now that cold, winter evenings are almost upon us.
P.S. I feel that I might qualify for Legend status owing to my legendary shennanigans on the CB radio in Portsmouth in the early 80s, which are a legend and which left me with a legend-sized reputation as the legend who thankfully killed off CB radio. Just ask anyone in Portsmouth. Do you become a Legend by using the word 'legend' as many times as you can get away with it in a sentence? Cos if you do, I think I might be one.
There will be biographical information as soon as some one can be arsed to write it. And since I am sensing that you know absolutely nothing about Mr Quiet you may be just the person for the job. This would have the secondary {a|e}ffect of cementing your existence in the physical world and thereby increasing your chances of acquiring legendary status to the nth degree.
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T. Walton
Message: I don't wish to be a legend. Let O have that distinction.
Tony
A: You are of course presuming that you'd qualify.
B: I bet you'd soon change your mind if there was a badge or a t-shirt.
We were talking about what criteria would be required to be a legend (a House of Cheese™ legend anyway) and we would like the "people" to submit them. I'll make a form eventually but would be interested in any early suggestions. I think Owen probably qualifies on the basis that he is the subject of "The Scrounging Song" though it would have been a lot more certain if someone else had written it. The thing that probably swings it for me is the "Owen Going Home" track on "Dead Above the Neck" (that and the fact that we were constantly taking the piss out of him and he probably deserves a break). But we can't have people being legends just because they played in a band otherwise every Tom, Dick and Harry would have to be included. I wouldn't argue with Dread being a legend on the basis of his amazing musical CV but mainly because he played on "Magpie" and did a lot to provide well decorated housing in the Ryde area. Razzle I wouldn't argue with either mainly because I've heard loads of stories about him but never met him (isn't that what a legend is?). I think I'd have to award Weed legendary status as well for starting the whole "Cats Like Plain Crisps" thing.
So here are some early suggestions for "Legend" criteria. I think you would probably have to qualify in more than one criterion:
-
You could be the subject of a song, but it's got to be a good song and probably deeply ironic (Matt Turner would probably get this one).
-
You could be in a legendary band, but it would have to be something massively different (Joy Division maybe).
-
You could be a character in a book or a film but again it couldn't be just any film.
-
I think leading a Mongol horde and/or founding a civilisation would probably still qualify.
-
Being suspected of being an alien life-form would probably count (Pete might get this one).
Suggestions on a postcard please.
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Mrs Oogle Boogly
Message: Ola says what's your email address Lanky's bro, and your song words were UUUrghhh making
p.s you were obviously impersonating someone Mrs Oogle Boogly knew at the reunion
x
I've sent my email via Weed. Would you like to be more specific about the lyrics?
PS I've got no idea what your PS means.
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Weed
weed wussu com
Message: bad internal links on home page "What's New - 24/09/07"
links to "Weed" and "Richard Sleep" point to -
http://www.cheesybits.com/page5.html#weed4
http://www.cheesybits.com/page5.html#sleep2
and arrive at "This Page Has Moved"
Thanks for that. They should be working now.
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Dr Phibesl
Message: The Time of the Jelly Bosomed Squid will return and you will be forever haunted by the verbal gattling gun and the Legend of the Burning Sock.!
Beware of the Stained Trousers of Avalon lest they catch you unawares.!
"Cats Like Plain Crisps" but they like urinating in your shoes more and remember the old fable that Farting is Fun and to play blow football with your bottom is a cause for admiration.!
Nab Funk - the band from the Abyss !
Okay I've decided now. Hello Si.
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Tony Cornell
lordcornell ukonline co uk
Message: Dear Mr. C-Bits,
I think that if you and Owen Lee are going to become Legends, then I also merit the honour of becoming a House of Cheese™ Legend too. Please send me forthwith further information and an application pack. I look forward to being called before an interview panel to state my case. Will reading your brochure "How to become a Legend in your own Lifetime" help my submission or do you have to be dead to qualify for Legend status?
Yours, the ever hopeful Legend applicant, Tony.
Do you know what? That isn't a bad idea. If we could reduce it to a simple online form I could set it up here at The House of Cheese™ website. Anyone could apply to be a legend. But what would be the yardstick by which we judge and who, pray, would be de judge. And what would be the benefits of legendary status? You would definitely deserve a star by your name when you post here. It could be like Ebay you could have a different colour star depending on how legendary you are. But what would the benefits of being legendary be? There would surely have to be some tangible advantage? I draw the line at sexual favours, especially as the only person with legendary status thus far is Owen. Perhaps there could be a badge? After all it worked for Blue Peter.
Answers on a postcard please.....
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T. Walton
Message: Enjoyed the old pics. I was obviously at Penny's party but have no recollection. There probably won't be any photos of you at parties because there was a silent conspiracy not to invite you. When everyone you knew said they were going home for a quiet spliff and a cup of cocoa that was code for, 'don't tell Dave about the party 'cos he'll look too uncool on the photographs and anyway he always breaks something like he did at Rod Gammons'.
I saw you on the telly. I'd just finished watching some dreadful vampire movie on the Horror Channel and in switching off the TV I accidentally flicked on to a minute or two of the Bestival and there you were, all in red, gazing lovingly at Suggs.
Tha'sallfornow
I bet you didn't teach me the real Walton's Secret Sign either!
Re: Telly does that mean I get to be a legend now?
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thebeesthebees gmail com
Message: Hellloooo,
I was like, Cheesy peas, oh cheesy pie, oh its something with cheesy in, then I saw your post on the bestival site, thanks loads. Please may I nick one or 2 of your pics for my facebook? only the ones with me in ofc :P bestsat202 & a few b4 that 2? I wonder who that photographer who got shirty with you was, there are some links to 'pro's' sites that have some very arty but highly naff pix on...they'll be his. We had a wicked bestival (as ever) roll on next year Besti wishes Lisa x
Praise the Lord! Somebody remembered. I must have recited the website address 3 or 4 hundred times over the weekend and you are the first person to visit (well the first person to visit and admit it). Help yourself to any pictures you want I'm sorry I didn't pay more attention to cleaning the lens/not pointing the camera directly at the sun at the time. I would appreciate a link or at least a mention of where you got them when you post them.
The shirty photographer was probably being shirty because I pushed him of his perch so you can't really blame him (for being a c**k). If someone had said they were only going to be in the way for the first two songs I would have been more tolerant. Also if somedody gave me a nice camera and a press pass I would probably........no what am I saying I'd probably be standing in the audience, mashed, taking pictures of people's feet. See you next year.
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Sean Bolger
Message: Hello!
Just surfed into The Waltons section of the site, saw your collection of MP3's and wondered whether you want to add another couple of tracks to the pile?
I've got the original Brown Rice/Pain killing Time 7" single from 1985 and although it's not 100%, it's not far off in terms of quality.
I used to be a DJ at Southern Sound Radio in Brighton and received it as a promo copy when it was released.
Having first seen the band on Anika, I was a big fan of the track and remember playing it on air many times
- those were the days when we could still choose our own records. ;-)
Anyway, you may still have it yourself but just let me know if you do want me to dub you a copy and I'll get on the case.
It might take me a week or two to find a studio quality gram I can use, but I'll do my best.
Cheers for now,
Yeah I think I do still have a copy somewhere but find it very hard to listen to. The reasons I've never posted it are:
a)I'm not sure who owns it, and being a law abiding citizen etc etc
b)I can't stand it.
I think the band all feel pretty ambiguous about it. That whole signing a record deal thing was done after we had decided
to split up and so we all had a "we've got nothing to lose" attitude to it all. We should have died a natural death in the beginning of '85,
instead we were kept alive with intravenous drips and dialysis machines. It was sad really. Once we found out that the record company saw us as the
next "Black Lace" we knew it was doomed to failure. No body was prepared to argue. We even talked about whether it was worth causing trouble at the
recording sessions, you know, nicking the master tapes or something but nobody could be arsed.
Hats off to Steve Kellet though. When we first
heard about the record deal he said that we should make absolutely sure that we didn't release "Brown Rice" as a first single or we would be forever branded
as a comedy band.
What I'd really like to hear is a recording of "Brown Rice" from '86 when we used to do a long jam in the middle of it. I've never suffered that!
Southern Sound Radio? You don't know Kairen Kemp do you? I was supposed to be keeping her abreast of what was going on on The Island but lost her
card (and the will to live) once I sobered up.
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Weed
weed wussu com
Message: (flood warning imminent?) -- and it came to pass that Rick Blair played guitar in short-lived Grosvenor Road Street Band "Burning Sensation", with Andy Anderson on drums (who became professional session and touring drummer... yep, one of those who got paid for it) and Keith the Bass on er... bass (who hooked up with emerging festival band "Here & Now" at the legendary (aren't they all?) 1975 Watchfield jam, and was still with them when they played the Astoria a few weeks ago), and maybe Jack Neate on sax (who also later played with "Here & Now") -- by the by, a wake was held a couple of days ago following the death on 19th August 2007 of Suze the Blues (singer/dancer in "Tribe", "Here & Now", "Planet Gong" and "The Androids of Mu") -- anyway, then Rick & Julie got together, moved south to Brighton (where Julie had been at college in the mid 60s), Rick's band "Attrix" recorded the excellent "Hard Times" / "Lost Lenore" (RB01), and so the label/shop was born
Harry said WHAT? and he's still alive? retroactive retribution can't be ruled out by she once known as T... C...... (aka T... Fink) whose ex-name must never be spoken aloud, and whose current name i dare not mention on the same domain -- o me miserum (GCE Latin, failed, twice), i fear i've said too much already... rather it be hordes of wild axemen than the anger of she who can not be tamed... Ave, cheesybits, morituri te salutant
Blimey. It's still a small world isn't it. I remember being at a party at Grosvenor Road where a band played (drums, bass, guitar and vocals). The bass and guitar had massive amplifiers and the vocalist had bugger all. He was screaming until the veins stood up in his neck and we couldn't here a thing. I was aware of the fact that there were connections between Gosvenor and Here & Now but was never quite sure what they were. All the Brighton punks went to see them when they came down and they were much liked (the fact that we didn't have to pay was probably a factor). I remember everyone being extremely impressed by their drummer who was manic. I never saw Gong which I regret. I saw Steve Hillage once but thought he was a self indulgent toss-pot. Then a couple of summers ago Da(e)ve Allen came and played at The Winter Gardens in my home town of Ventnor (IW) (don't ask me how that happened) and that was a full on, in your face brilliant gig (though I nearly passed out from the heat). I played at the same venue once with The Waltons it had an awful acoustic. There seemed to be a two second echo on everything you played it made it very difficult to keep in time. I think Da(e)ve Allen got round this by turning everything up to 11 so what with the heat exhaustion and the bleeding ears I had a great time. He also came on and played with the support band Kangeroo Moon who I thought were a local band but having seen their website I think not. I don't know what their connection with The Island is.
Re: Your comments on she who must not be named. I'm a bit worried about this whole reunion thing. If everybody turned up won't it just turn into a massive knife fight (or at the very least a pie fight). I'm sure there are some people from those days that won't want to be in the same room as other people from those days. Is there going to be security? Will we have to check our axes at the door? Will Harry Potter be there?
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Weed
weed wussu com
Message: PS cross-reffing Brighton punk scene and Cats Like Plain Crisps (the graffiti), Rick Blair lived in house opposite at the time of the original writing, and Julie (who i knew from North Lincolnshire way back in the early '60s) had moggie (from which i caught the most fleas ever) that i think was amongst those helping (or hindering, can't remember which) with the original research
Blimey. It's a small world isn't it. Again I have to say that I don't remember Rick or Julie but I saw The Parrots on at least a couple of occasions. I had no idea they were from Grosvenor. Harry came down to see me in Brighton when I was in Smeggy and the Cheesybits and said that he bumped into Tina Chapman while he was there so maybe that explains what she was doing there.
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Weed
weed wussu com
Message: hi Dave / Harry / anyone else,
more Cats Like Plain Crisps stuff ... there's a Grosvenor Road reunion to be held in Twickenham on 22nd September 2007, "for those who lived there, those who passed through, those who visited, and those who were friends of people who lived there" (and of course it would be churlish to exclude anyone associated with bands of the same name) -- more info (+ list of who's likely to be there) on message board (nothing like as colourful as cheesybits) at http://www.wussu.co.uk/grosvenor/wwwboard
also there's a new GR gallery just been added (including pics of some extremely wasted early 70's hippy squatters) at http://www.wussu.com/squatting/joelle_gr.htm (identities in process of being revealed via alt text) -- however, back to the nub of the affair, there's still no photo of the original CLPC, tho tantalisingly, several of the pics were taken within a few feet of it... surely it can only be a matter of time before one appears... with a bit of luck no more than a couple of reincarnations -- on the other hand (as Fermat might have said to his missus) leaving it semi-shrouded in mystery can't harm people's imaginations :)
all good things
It would be nice to drum up the IOW contingent to attend this function though the chances are I wouldn't recognise anybody there. You've got to bare in mind that I was probably only about 14 or 15 when I used to come round there and I only visited about a dozen times and a couple of those times were parties so I don't remember much about anything. Then you have to factor in that I was having a relationship with some one who's ex-boyfriend either lived there or was a frequent visitor and had a reputation for threatening people with an axe so I never felt particularly relaxed when I was there. Anyway I will pass the word on and see what happens.
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OBQuintecent
stickitupyour@rse.colon.ky
Message: I did of course mean NO ONE not none. And it wasn't a ploy to get more links to my music. In fact it didn't even occur to me that there was the remotest possibility that links to my music would be in anyway forthcoming. But thanks anyway.
We aim to plead.
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O B Quiet
notaf**king@chance.mate.co.ok
Message: I would just like to remind anyone who is reading this that there are three tracks of mine available for down load, seeing as none seems to have noticed yet.
What do you mean "none (sic) seems to have noticed yet"? You surely weren't expecting anyone to comment on them were you? Some of this music has been available for months/years and usually the only comments I get are people complaining when the links don't work or, more usually Mr Quiet, when they have set up their browser incorrectly or don't know how to right click on a link. If you are willing to trawl through this page I would be interested to know if anyone has ever said anything nice about any of their music on this site. Or is this just a ploy to get extra links to your music. Well let me tell you, that ain't gonna work.
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Tony Cornell
lordcornell ukonline co uk
Message: I believe your witness, Tony, is under a misapprehension when he says "there was only ever one guy that clapped" at Looney Tunes gigs at the Crown. I well remember going to those gigs with several mates and clapping on the odd occasion - well, on quite a few, in fact. One of my mates has a very, very poor, hissy tape of a gig at the Crown and you can hear alot of clapping. I think Mr. Tony is as guilty of hyperbole as I am of bathos.
In fact, wishing to appear pedantic, I would go on to say that most Looney Tunes gigs were noisy affairs and that those that did not clap were probably too preoccupied watching the new fangled video jukebox, but I do remember at least 73% of the audience clapping [with a Standard Deviation of only about 6%] - I feel it could be argued that, at times, it dropped to near 50%, but certainly no lower. The Medina Borough Council's Leisure [Pub Music] statistics for the Year 1982-83, as published in their yearly report "Social Trends 1982-83", records a lowest recorded clapping rate for a Looney Tunes concert as 39% (as opposed to 62% for Sigma, a typical band of the time), but I believe this figure is erroneous.
I feel that Mr. Tony has over-exaggerated the poor applause for dramatic effect.
My! What a wonderful band Sigma were (Jason King on Lithium). Many was the time etc I can't think of anything decent to write while Rob is talking in my left ear. I'm sorry.
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Jessica
Message: Hey, you forgot to mention that the other reason the tape cases were so poorly assembled was that you were using child slave labour! I think I got RSI from colouring in so many red eyes...
Apart from that...I like the site and I hope you're well
Hey Jessica! I remember you (though I suspect you've changed a bit since last time I saw you). You did stirling work with the DATN covers. We were torn between using child labour or slave labour in our sweat-shop but then we realised you would encompass both.
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Richard Sleep
richardsleep mail com
Message: re my January post, it was indeed weed that invented the slogan "Cats Like Plain Crisps" - I was pretty much there in Grosvenor Road (Twickenham) when he did it. We were talking about market research, and we had these cats, and these crisps, and one thing led to another...
but who the hell is Harry? How does he know who I am (he is right) - it sounds like you had an amazing scene on IOW - sorry I missed it (there may be alternative theories I understand)
That's pretty much how I heard it happened. Harry was known as Lanky at the time.
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Ian from Strings
stringsgc aol com
Message: Yes it is true.I (as of this morning) do have a good watchable version of "Annika" on DVD ....du dah!!.All three episodes (although there is only Waltons footage in the episdoes 1 & 2). Not bad for £7 and less than 24 hours p&p.Never realised there was almost three full Waltons toons + a few shots of Mr.Bits lurking at Ryde St.Johns train station looking like he wants to disembowel someone foreign.As this is in the public domain and not available hardly anywhere I shall attempt to burn said discs and pass onto those who show enough enthusiasm. Let me know.
Is this in the public domain? What makes you think that? If it is I'd like a copy, if not I couldn't possibly accept one.
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T. Walton
Message: It would be easier for me to phone you than keep doing this.
Your turn.
I can't think fast enough to use a phone anymore. It would be like talking to somebody on the moon.
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T. Walton
Message: I can't find a way of flipping between the Bitchin' page and this one and my short-term memory ain't good enough to remember all the points you raised that I was gonna reply to but I'll have a go go...
Try Alt and Tab
I was talking about Rob's cardi.
I don't think Rob's cardi is a sad reflection on either this site or you.
You are right - I don't remember. But I doubt if you do too.
Fortunately my long term memory is spot on - my short term memory however is......Hedgehog......Rastafarian tea cosy......Biggleswade...
It seemed to me that this site was only going to include stuff up to the time you left and I wanted to archive stuff right up to the end, my beautiful friend, the end.
No not at all. I need to post the stuff after I left the band so that it's even more obvious how much better the band was when I was in it (ha ha). I even went round to Tony's ages ago and interviewed him about the Holland debacle trip but failed to record anything he said or write anything down and consequently forgot everything. In a years time when my long term memory kicks in I'll be laughing (or is that when senility sets in?). When I used have that old history page I always meant to continue it up to the bitter end but was sincerely hoping that somebody else would do it. It was based on that article I wrote for Wight Vnues so I put very little effort into it. I actually find it a bit boring when compared to something like the info on the Be-Bop Dustbins which manages to be both quiveringly pompous and informative.
I agree, MySpace is a load of crap. But I spent weeks looking for free websites with enough space to do all the shit that I am doing on MySpace. At the time I couldn't find anything, not that I could understand anyway. It had to be easy. I can't cope with techno-despondence. If you have any suggestions for alternative set-ups, I will consider them but remember I do not have the computer gibberish knowledge that you have.
Myspace is crap but I bet you get a lot more hits on your site than I do on mine so I think it's a necessary evil.
I think that I can track down the Loony Tunes video.
Good. We should set up a Loony Tunes site. If you can find it I can digitize it and post it (unless it's on Betamax). The public has a right to know.
Perhaps Owen will send you all his latest recordings from now on instead of coming 'round here and forcing me to play them while he eats my food, (some things never change).
Owen is like history. Relentless and a little bit dusty.
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T. Walton
Message: I will reply in full to all that but I don't have the energy today except to ask, "What money"?
The money to buy the pizza of course!
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T. Walton
Message: Can I really have been the last person to post on this site? Is this a sad reflection of your site or of me?
Love the Dustbins filums especially Rob's red zip-up-cardi-thingy with the white stripes down the sleeves, I remember it well, it was the height of cool at the time and I always gazed upon it with envy. I have the original recordings of Annika too. You could have asked me for them and then I would have been able to have the satisfaction of saying, "No Sodoff", now that I sense this competetive edge creeping in since I started the MySpace site. I didn't know that they were recorded on a Nagra, I thought that the Nagra were a warlike tribe of people from the mountainous area of Eastern India who carried spears and lived on a diet of rats and berries. Shows how much I know doesn't it? As far as film of the Waltons goes I have no idea. I remember that there was filming done at somewhere-or-other and at somewhere else but its all a bit of an amphetamine blur, as if we did it all underwater, which has now gone under the bridge along with the pooh-sticks of my happily misspent youth and not-so-youth.
I don't remember ever watching any film of us. Do you? 'Cos if you did then I probably did too. And if you remember then I can tell myself that I do too. Memory... it's a bit like a colouring book. You just need someone else to draw the outlines so you can fill in the the detail and then tell youself that you painted a picture. None of this makes any sense to me. But then it's many years since I expected anything to make sense. STUFF JUST IS. That's about as wise as I get. I don't know why I bother. Although, actually, I don't bother very much. I am glad you allowed OBQ to lay his offerings on your altar. I am sure it means a lot to him. And now we have proof that he is not dead nor is he Elvis and neither are we.
1. I don't think it's a sad reflection on anyone. I think it's an accurate indication of what minority appeal this site has for the general populace. Also I'm beginning to believe that a whole generation of people believe that the internet consists solely of Myspace, Youtube and possibly Facebook. If I was a better self publicist I would attract more people to the site but then I would have to deal with more correspondence and post things more often and I really can't be arsed.
2. The stuff you said about Rob is all lies. You never thought he was cool, you thought he was a talent less twat. We used to have long arguments about which was the biggest waste of time and energy - writing songs about unfair political systems that would have no effect whatsoever and ultimately end up sounding like someone having a good whine, or writing songs that were completely mental that would ultimately end up sounding like they were written by someone who was completely mental. This is an accurate and true account of the situation - you've just forgotten.
3. Can I have copies of any Waltons related material that you posess that I don't have.
4. There was loads (by the standards of the day) of film of us. There was our entire set at the Sandown Pier gig, also (I think) the entire set at the Song Festival, there was all the stuff that they did during Annika and that entire Looney Tunes gig at Puckpool. Also I remember someone showing me some footage of a gig that they took which may have been the King Kurt gig at the college (but may not have been). This all stuff that should be available for download, somebody must have it sitting in a box somewhere which is fairly pointless when it could be shared with the four or five people that regularly come to this site (also my son would love to see it {whether he likes it or not}).
5. You sense there is a competitive edge creeping in? I thought this was just a continuation the competition to have the best scrapbook. But seriously the only thing...well actually two things that disturb me about your site is that it dilutes what would only ever be a limited audience for this stuff anyway, and that it's on Myspace. The good thing about your site is that it's just about the Waltons (and presumably you are prepared to update it occasionally) and that it's on Myspace. The House of Cheese™ was just meant to be an archive. I never really meant it to be even as interactive as it is but that said I enjoy being able to disem...dissemm....disseminate music that would otherwise have no audience at all, post the occasional stupid photo and give a home to the lunacy that is the Revenge of the Lawn (bad name) site. I was even considering having a 10 year anniversary party but I doubt if anyone would come. Getting back to the "competitive edge" thing - I was considering changing my Waltons site to be the "Official Waltons Site". But then I thought it would be cooler to be the "Unofficial Waltons Site" and then I couldn't decide which was best and realised that I only wanted to use the one that you wanted to use. I briefly considered using "The Unofficial Home of the Official Waltons Site" (or visa versa) but then I sobered up and (as usual) realised that I didn't really give a f**k one way or the other. Ultimately (barring sudden death) I will post everything I have on the Waltons as I will for all the bands I've been in it's just a matter of finding the time. I still think we should be releasing a CD of Dead Above the Neck mp3s are all very well but they are shit when compared to a CD (even one that has been recreated from dodgy cassettes through a hybrid analogue machine onto a hard disk recorder and then onto a PC). The only thing that I find off putting about this idea is the inevitable arguments that will arise when we have to decide what to do with the money (we could buy a pizza {ha ha}).
6. Yes Owen. Why wouldn't I post his stuff? Send me some of your stuff and I'll post that too.
7. Nargra good.
8. Err
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T. Walton
anarcholoko yahoo co uk
Message: I can't answer either of those questions.
I am still looking for Sean. The last sighting I have of him is in Cowes about a year ago. He is the keeper of some fine recordings done in Holland that I would love to get my sweaty mitts on and he also has my copy of the unreleased, unmixed Waltons album.
What I am doing now is putting up a new fence in the garden with shocking electrickery and razor-wire to keep them all out. All who? (you may utter and you will sound not unlike an owl). All them people like wot went to the (so-called) IOW Festival corporate sponsored alcohol-fuelled sheep-pen drug-searched mass-karaoke knees-up. I watched a bit on the old tele and thanked myself for not being there. God, I hate people. Especially when there are lots of 'em all together. I am happy with the fence though. It's not perfect. But then I didn't expect it to be. After all, it's only a fence.
I saw Sean and Ralph in Sinsburys a couple of months ago so he hasn't disappeared that much. You've got to remember that he probaly doesn't have a computer. I'm pretty sure that I have a copy of the unreleased un-mixed Waltons album, I've been meaning to mp3 it for ages. I might have a copy of one of the gigs you did in Holland as well.
The real question is, "What happened to all the video of us?" I know I sent my last copy off to Asgard or somebody. That would have been the gig at Sandown Pier, but what happened to the tape of the Song Festival? Did we ever have a copy of that? And what about the Looney Tunes gig at Warners? Have you got a copy of that?
On a brighter note, Rob has just unearthed a copy of the songs that we did for Annika. its a mono recording but I seem to marimba that that was how they recorded it. It may be mono but it was recorded on a Nagra (queue heavenly quires of angels ).
Yes the festival.....I wasn't even prepared to pay £30 for a dodgy wrist band this year. Is it worth it to sit in a field watching telly for three days? No wonder people are driven to drink.
Yeah.....fences......Yeah!!!
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O B Quiet
notaf**king@chance.mate.co.ok
Message: Occupational hazard lights are those ones that you turn on when you're busy doing something else, so that other people don't bump into you.
Antibiopics were invented by Sir Ian Fleming by growing mould on something during the war. They are used mainly by dairy farmers and NHS doctors to help sickly bacteria get stronger.
Whats gone wrong with the bitching part of the site? a lot of it's covered in black stuff that makes it very hard to read. I'm not joking.
Very good. I wonder how much time and rescources will be wasted sending spam to that address. If the bitching page still looks weired when you read this (if you can) send me a screen print so I can see what it looks like. The most likely reason is that it's something to do with your browser but I could have missed out a tag somewhere last time I uploaded it. Well done for reporting the problem though, otherwise I would never know.
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O B Quiet
Message: I agree with Tony the conv. at the start of fool is funnny in the extreme.
You just have to accept, my dear Cheesy Bits that I just am a legend, it's not my fault, some men are born grate, others have cheese-graters thrust upon them...
I will console myself with the knowledge that I was the good looking one...
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T. Walton
anarcholoko yahoo co uk
Message: The conversation at the start of 'Fool' ( in the dodgy live recordings section ), is the funniest thing on this site. I laughed until I stopped. Do you know who these guys are? We should make them famous ( but not rich ).
Changing the subject... Sean, where are you? I am still here. Call me if you are able. I will be in the usual place at the usual time. Usually.
Yeah I know who they are, though it turns out only one of them is a bassist. However, I feel their identities should be protected on the basis that somebody probably has a tape of me saying something equally embarrassing when pissed at a gig.......... Hey hang on......I used to do that all the time on stage didn't I.
Quetions:
Can you work out what we are shouting about at the begining of Johnny?
What is that strange noise at the begining of Under the Thumb?
What are you going to do next?
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Rob Martin's Lawyer
abba freak btinternet com
Dear Mr. Bits,
I don't think you understand. My client is very furrow-browed and even eager in his intention of taking out a writ and pursuing you to the full extent of the law.
And to show how serious he is, he has instructed me to put the severed head of your favourite pet pig in your bed as a warning. Since I can't sneak out to your address in the dead of night for a good week or so, I would be most grateful if you would accept a picture of your beloved and beheaded porcine beauty by way of a threat.
Yeah sure! F**k off Rob!
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Rob Martin's Lawyer
abba freak btinternet com
Message: Dear Sir,
A propos the recent internet publication of 12 recordings of compositions, captured on audio tape during April 1983, of the popular musical ensemble known as The Waltons from the Isle of Wight, my client has instructed me to inform you, The Waltons, and you, Mr. Cheesybits in particular, as the webmaster of the site, that it is he, my client, that holds the copyright to the said recordings, according to the Copyright Act, c. 15, 1997, which states that any artist or owner of original material that, knowingly and freely, allows their work to be recorded, whether by photography or by sound recording, is deemed, in the eyes of the law, to have surrendered any right of propriety in the said photographic or musical recordings per se and, ipso facto, the copyright for these recorded compositions have now passed into the ownership of my client.
Although The Waltons legally own the copyright on the arrangements, lyrics and music of the compositions, this does not transfer to a nisi prius deus recording made by a third party with the connivance of the said ensemble, as is the case here. My client has directed me to inform you that, unless these are immediately removed, he will be taking severe legal measures against The Waltons, and you, Mr. Cheesybits in particular, as the webmaster of the site.
However, before this most unfortunate and reluctant step is taken and in between bouts of most pitiful and anguished weeping, my aggrieved and tearful client states that he is willing to come to some sort of an inamicable and bitter arrangement with you. He does not ask for large sums of money at all (such is the generous and fair nature of my client). No, all he wishes is for you to undertake some humiliating task, to be arranged in the future, when he has decided on the right level of shame and disgrace, and that you video yourself performing said task, which must then be published along with The said Waltons compositions within one calendar week of the videoing. I do believe that you will concur with me that my client is offering The Waltons, not only an easy way out of this legal dog-turd, into which you have stepped, but also very reasonable terms, and that you, being a person of most large foresight, will see the sense in agreeing to my client's requests.
Yeah sure! F**k off Rob!
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Jonathan Sussams
topcopy123 hotmail com
Message: I liked Gary. I'll let you know if I like you should we meet. I like cheese – so you have half a chance of being my best mate but keep the smeg to yourself.
I wonder what happened to Gary? I last saw him in about 1986. I heard he went to Canada. When I new him he had trouble making it down to the pub.
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Jonathan Sussams
topcopy123 hotmail com
Message: Please settle my mind about the Smeg big cheese. If you were not Gary, who were you? And who was Gary - a figment of my imagination or an unsung hero?
What? I thought we sorted all this out months ago! Voici Smeggy aka Gary Cayton(I think) Voici Moi Dave Cheesybits not to be confused with Boaty Dave, Red-Tie Dave or Wanky Dave who, confusingly, also played with the Cheesybits for a while.
Now what would be really funny is if you wrote back and said, "Oh you! I never did like you!"
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T. Walton
anarcholoko yahoo co uk
Message: The first bunch of pics on the Waltons photo page were taken by Stephan Goldsteinburger. If I remember correctly he had an office in one of the Pavilion's towers, (such laughable delusions of grandeur).
If I had known then that I was actually going to live this long I would never have given myself some of those haircuts.
No, I didn't put the clip from Annika on YouTube.
Thasallfornow.
One of us has a really bad memory (it's me). I remember it being some youngish bloke in a leather jacket.
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Wadda Wewan(t)
Message:More of owen please...a legend.
What is this "Owen is a legend" bollox? Where? In his own lunchtime? Why don't I get to be a legend? Was there some form I did'nt fill in?
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Richard Sleep
richardsleep mail com
Message: Weed is and was good friend of mine - re - "Cats Like Plain Crisps" - that was weed did that lol back in Grosvenor road wher I lived too.
Apparantly it made it's way into novel by Tony Parsons - funny - I never liked the guy. Was he there too?
Love and peace,
Richard Sleep
Now that's a familiar name but I don't remember you (hardly surprising). Harry tells me that you were the the guy that was into computer programming at an incredibly early stage.
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Stuart Hanson
THE_MANSON_FREAK hotmail com
Message: Hey.
No Complaint here.
Just saw the site thought it was good.
specialy the page on the dustbins.
Darren Rich is me uncle you see.
He, and me mum (his sister) and me gran and me grandad.....
have talked about the band and stuff before but i'd never herd any of there music or anything so thanks.
I made him a Cd out of the songs for crimbo.
thanks again.
Glad to be of service, though I'm a little disturbed that a whole new generation of impressionable yoofs are being exposed to the Be-Bop Dustbins.
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O B Quiet
Message: To the chap who wanted to cover 'the scronging song'...Feel free. it would be nice to think that someone some where was still playing it. Apart from me that is. I still play it ocaisonially.
Wasn't that request posted 18 months ago?
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Ralph Ridler
Message: hi mr c___-b______,
Im now going to write in perferct english although
some off those big words where rather too big for me to understand and im
not actually year 7 im year 8 and nearly 9. But i cant write out something or other one-hundred times because to be honest i have KNOW idea what they mean at all .And what have i said that annoys you
because i have just checked and i havn't yet sweared!(hehe) so explain.
I think this is the longest email i've ever written!
bye-bye
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Ralph Ridler
Message: hi,
is it u or any1 U no thats writtin "whos tony jones "everywere ?>?
i fink itz funni .HOOS TONY JONES IF YA NO TELL ME I WANNA NO ,
bubibiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii,(deep breath)iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii(and breath )iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii me !
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Nick and Claire
nick elderfield gmail com
Message: No complaints! Just found the website - looks great. Just a note to say the Calendar works....happy birthday for today (your time) yesterday (our time)?!
Cheers Nick and Claire
Somebody remembered! This message qualifies as our first antipodean correspondance, The House of Cheese™ has gone global. See you next year, have a good Christmas.
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Waggabanjo, Yeti & Frooom
Subject: Counter- Litigation
Message: Sir,
Hmmm...well I'm totally convinced that this message is from a real legal firm.
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Handbag Nigel
Message: So, talk to me about The Hot Gates.
I can't. I'm still too traumatised by the experience.
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Antony
ant antpop com
Oops, and I also love the anti West Wight song!
When I lived in Shanklin I never ever bothered going west.
Ha! You wait till you hear the Shanklin song then......
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Antony
ant antpop com
Hej Mr Cheesy
I enjoyed the R O T L's song. Very nice, reminded me of The KInks a bit.
Any more songs coming...?
And how did you get that Frank Sidebottom style head in the video? ;)
Yes more songs in the pipeline. I'm glad to hear the video worked. as for the frank sidebottom reference - you (sniff) obviously havn't heard of the terrible allergic reaction I had a couple of years ago.
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Revenge of the Lawn
Message: Earl Mountbatten of Burma got the name of our song wrong!
The song is called: "I F**king hate the West Wight!"
We are not be confused with that other band "Resuscitate the Lawn", who are mainly crap, or with The Retreat of the Lawns, which was a historical event that took place in 1811, when large acreages of beautifully manicured Prussian lawns were forced to retreat across Eastern Poland in the face of Napoleon's advancing armies.
Please get song titles right - it's so important!
P.S. Is it my imagination or is inbreeding getting worse in the West Wight?
The message below makes no mention of your song title. He was mearly expressing an opinion. If you are trying to make some clever comment about the use of symbols to censor expletives then you are wasting your time. The censoring of expletives is carried out automatically (which is fine unless you mention Sc***thorpe) as is the removal of symbols and unnecessary symbols and white space (the only thing I can't get to work is the spull czecker)!
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Earl Mountbatten of Burma
Message: Finally some one is saying what we've all been thinking for years.
I F**king hate the West Wight too!
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