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Recruiting Officer Set
to Solve Band's Fan Problem

James Ashton, Recruiting Officer for Revenge of the Lawn, seen here encouraging a potential young fan to be more enthusiastic in his appreciation of the band. Ashton joined the Revenge of the Lawn staff in January to fill the new post created because the band felt that the next stage in their development would be seriously hindered without some fans, who have been very slow to materialise. Those, that have been forced into a chair and made to say "I love Revenge of the Lawn", under threat of a good chickening and under the glare of a spotlight in the face, have shown little knowledge or even any concern that the band exists.

Our Fan A poem by Revenge of the Lawn

Ashton, whose favoured style of endearing fans to the cause, is by shouting thuggish threats full in their face, is pleased to be working with the band, and plays particularly well on the spoons. Although his primary role at any gig is to patrol the audience and cajole, threaten, bully people into cheering, he has agreed to come on stage and perform on one song every now and then. If you're lucky enough to catch him on stage, then that's your chance to run out the building before he gets back to what he enjoys most: verbally hurting people.