The original lawn abuser.
| October 25 - Lawnicide Day! The 25 October must be recorded as one of the most disgusting, horrific dates of the Calendar in the history of the World. It leaves lawns everywhere shuddering in uncontrollable terror.The sheer inhuman wretchedness of that day is almost too horrible to contemplate, let alone write about in coherent, unemotional words. But, it has to be attempted nonetheless. For on the fateful day of 25 October 1830, Edwin Beard Budding was issued a patent for what was laughingly and pleasantly described as "a new combination and application of machinery for the purpose of cropping or shearing the vegetable surfaces of lawns, grass-plats and pleasure grounds." Oh, it sounds so sweet, doesn't it? Well, let me tell you mateys, that in short, it meant that the wholesale rape and mechanised murderous mangling of areas of grassland would become legal and infinitely speeded up. Yes, the machine that dare not speak its own name was born. Let it be noted also that you will not find the word written anywhere on this website, for we feel it is an abomination and a travesty of all that is decent in the horticultural world. We feel great solidarity with lawns everywhere, for they must be the most abused entity on this planet and yet they continue to thrive. No matter how much you try to control or kill grass, you can never get rid of it at all. After a nuclear holocaust, just about the only thing that will survive will be grass .... oh, and maybe the odd West Wighter and a rat or two. |
