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Please note I have removed the @ and any full stops from all email addresses on this page to try and fool the E-mail combines. If you want to email someone you will have to put these characters back in. Click here to see Stats!
Messages for 2005
2005
Jonny Sussams - 12 December 2005
Email : I am paranoid

  Message:  

No. Sorry, Gary, still not connecting with you on this one. Wrist Action was around - then there was Fan Club but and you were definitely supporting Fan Club with Nev and Zoot on the day I asked to join your band as a guitarist (can you imagine?). Nev had a blue bass guitar and I had something from Woolies. What is Tony going to do next? Invade Iran? Extra length (that's ironic) I'm sure John Helmer would count himself as an old pal. Time is running out for all of us. Keep up the good work.
     


I'm not Gary (that was Smeggy) I'm Dave (Cheesybits). I was never aware of Zoot playing with Gary and Neville that must have been before I joined. I do remember the blue bass though. All I know is that Tony is going to take the mystery option. I've no idea what that is. See below but also (possibly) above.
     


...Top...




O B Quiet - 25 November 2005
Email : I am paranoid

  Message:  

Erm.. good point, which songs is it any way?
     


I was goinng to have a link to the song in question here on the words "This one" but even though that would be funny I couldn't get it together! I think it was called Mirage.
     


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O B Quiet - 21 November 2005
Email : I am paranoid

  Message:  

P.S. I particularly want to hear the solo tracks by Me and anything by the Waltons with Me on it. I just been up the Pub talking about religon AND politics...got away with it though...heh heh heh! Right...i'm off to have a granary rool with tahini in it. And a banana posibly.
     


When you say you "want to hear" it are you giving me permission to make it available for download; are you sure the world is ready for that?
     


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O B Quiet - 21 November 2005
Email : I am paranoid

  Message:  

I remember you bangin' on about livin in Walthamstow... not that it's got any thing to do with anything else. Or anything Elsie for that matter. I dug out an old "Loony Tunes" cassette when I was at me mums the other day. Its quite funny:in a low-fi sort of way. What ever happend to Mark-bass-player-refrigerator-enginer? Or was he a refrigerator-player-bass-enginer? (yes I know that "enginer is spelt wrong; but I can't be botherd to look it up...)
     


Rob gave me a Loony Tunes tape the other day that sounds like it was recorded on a cardboard box. He also had a photo of me playing with them down at the Pavilion. I was convinced that I only did one gig with them down at Warner's in Puckpool (supporting the Alarm wasn't it?). P.S. Your signature was reformatted in my mail programme so it looked completely crap.
     


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Jonny Sussams - 20 November 2005
Email : I am paranoid

  Message:  

Get my name right for starters. I'm very impressed by your website and I have encouraged John Helmer (your best friend) and Helen (Mc Chef) to visit it. When I discover what I'm meant to do as a result of your latest email I will sound more coherent unless I'm drunk. Thank you for Nev - he changed my life - but I wish I'd joined the Lemon Boys when I had the chance. Saw Dick Damage when I first moved back to Sussex in 1992 but haven't seen him since. Jez Bird seems to be enjoying a prolonged musical career. Perhaps we could all get together before we die. May your Smeg be cheesy!
     


Why is John helmer my best freind? Are you being ironic? Re: What to do with message. If I've remembered to send it to you in HTML format you click on the link to look adoringly at young girls with 80's haircuts holding sticks (mainly for the people on the island this one). If I sent it to you in Plain Text format you can click on the link under "What's New" on the main page and look adoringly at young girls with 80's haircuts holding sticks. I have some new songs of theirs to mp3 soon. In the meantime you can download 7 songs and wallow in 80's nostalgia. Re: Neville. I've just been reading the Fan Club page on Punkbrighton and you seem to intimate that Neville was Smeggy's first bass player. I thought his name was Russell for the last 20 years or so.
     


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Antony - 13 November 2005
Email : I am paranoid

  Message:  

Re: ...(what the f**k were they called?) Bucks Fizz!
     


I shudder at the mention of their name.
     


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Antony - 13 November 2005
Email : I am paranoid

  Message:  

Nice to read Johnny H's message! Lovely geezer and great sound man. So, Cheesy, you lived in Walthamstow once! That's where Hefner really started. Me and Darren, the singer, used to share a flat, firstly up by the dog track, then we moved down by Blackhorse Road. We used to rehearse and record (on 4 track) up in the loft bedroom, but I think it was a much nicer loft than the one you described! No coal. The highlight of Walthamstow was seeing members of East 17 doing their weekly shop in Tesco! Ps- We were both art students, so I know exactly what you're talking about!
     


My main memory of Walthamstow was what a depressing shit hole it was. The only good thing about it was that it was within walking distance of the Lea Valley where I spent a lot of time. I remember that Cheryl Baker's sister had a shop down the high street and when her band...(what the f**k were they called?) won the Eurovision song contest she (the sister) put some speakers out of the top window and played the single non stop all day. The first time I lived there was in Spruce Hills Rd (which was the shit hole described below), later when I was a (blesth) Co-op Milkman in Crouch End I lived in Orford Rd, which was a palace compared to the other place, it had bedrooms, a bath and a kitchen. Sean and I spent most of our time being drunk and breaking into the cinema to watch films for nothing. One day they had "The Klansman" on and we were so disgusted at it that we got up on the stage infront of the screen and made a speech. "Ladies and Gentlemen we find this film so below par that, even though we didn't pay to get in we are going to have to leave. It's been a pleasure meeting you all etc etc." I have vivid memories of walking home from one of these trips with Sean wearing a large cardboard box. he kept going up to people and saying, "Hello. I'm a performance artist." I think that was his way of picking up girls. Mostly it was just desperation and frustration though. The second time that I left Walthamstow was to go back to Brighton (well Shoreham any way) to join "The Hot Gates" which, to be frank, was the only band that I ever regretted being in (that includes my short stint with "Dick Damage and the Survivors"). It was probably the most proficient though. We practiced every day for a year and then did one gig (at Legends in Bond St) and then I left. It nearly killed me, but it did make me realise (or at least remember) that being a good musician is probably the least important factor in a good band (I mean look at "Yes"). So when I came back down to the island I was looking for fun and found it in the Waltons (to begin with any way). For those of you who come here from the Punk Brighton site, "The Hot Gates" included, Pete Beeson (Executives), Bernie Richards (drummer from Smeggy and the Cheesybits), Roger **** (Slaves of Janet {and The Executives I think}), and some twat on keyboards (later replaced by Sean Ha! Ha!). They are actually mentioned on the same flyer from Dingwalls in the Waltons Clippings if you click on the right hot spot.
     


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John Haskett - 10 November 2005
Email : I am paranoid

  Message:  

So Mr cheesybits, I don't exist on the Isle of Wight any more. No surprise really, as I wasn't very popular. Used to hang around with Jed at happy daze, still bug Rick and Paul in ottakers when I come and visit me mum. Saw many a waltons show over the years, think I did your sound at Ports Poly in the 80's. Was known as rat tickler in sprog mag. Played in damage for a while, the band Ant remembers is Ad-Nauseam a Portsmouth band. Still doing sound. Do bump into Owen Lee every now and then. So anything good happening on the Island? Good to see some great island stuff on the net.
     


There is always something good going on on The Island; I just don't know what it is. Mr Mushroom have just gone of to University en masse, The Bees are probably around, I saw Paul DJing at the Winter Gardens the other day, but everybody else is unknown to me (I don't get out much any more). I remember the gig at Portsmouth Poly, the sound on stage was appalling but I was told that it was good out front. That was the gig at which......hang on I'm repeating myself here. Yes I like to bug Rick in Ottakars as well.
     


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Adrian Baldwin - 09 November 2005
Email : I am paranoid

  Message:  

ah smeggie are you regretting the day you left brighton and going to london I remember seeing you at the centre and art colleage years ago with simon thomas remember him we are still mates I am not to sure but I think that might be him in that photo with you on stage down the pub also who is going to get ther head kick in tonight.
     


I'm a little confused. Are you threatening me? If so I have to advise you that email is not the best medium for doing this. With a letter you can at least write in blood, or dogshit or something. But really, threats like this only really work verbally and then of course you need the physical presence to back it up. Or, and this is much more intrigueing, are you making a reference to the song, "Somebody's Going to Get Their Heads Kicked in Tonight". We never did that in Smeggy and the Cheesybits did we? I did it with Nab Funk but I don't remember doing it with SATCB? Did you ever see Nab Funk? Or, and I suspect this is the most likely scenario, it is late and you are pissed/stoned/poorly educated. Please explain.
     


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Jonny Sussams - 09 November 2005
Email : I am paranoid

  Message:  

I'd just like to thank you for being so inspiring that you gave me the guts to try to make a noise for a living (with Fan Club). Unfortunately, I never got further than a demo tape. But there's always hope. I'm thinking of taking up football at the age of forty-seven. You and Neville and Dick Damage made me realise that life was worth living. Keep on plugging the cheese.
     


Deeply confused now. Are we talking of the same Fan Club? I thought they were going before Smeggy ever took to the stage (or maybe their genesis was simultaneous). Anyway Fan Club were the band that got me into Punk. Let me explain...... I'd spent a miserable few months in Walthamstow trying to get the imaginativly named The Unclean off the ground. We were living in a house with no bathroom, an outside toilet and , bizarrely,no bedrooms! It was cold and unpleasent. Sean and I tried sleeping in the attic for a while; this was unconverted and had been used to store coal by the previous occupant (I kid you not)!! There was only a layer of slate tiles between us and the outside world and this was in January. So needless to say, when I got an oppertunity to move in with a freind in Brighton (warm cliamate, nice flat, nice town) I naturally jumped at the chance. The only downside of this arrangement was that everybody I knew in Brighton was an art student (it's a cross I had to bare). I was eager to check out the local punk scene and so my flatmate took me to the vault to see The Depressions who were a bit dull, and I thought, "is this really all this town has got to offer?" One night I was sitting with all the art students watching a Tom and Jerry cartoon. When it finished I realised that I was the only person in the room that had been laughing. I turned to somebody and asked if they didn't find it funny and he said he only watched it because of the "good graphics". That was it for me. I thought there has got to be more to life than this. I left the house, in Hove, and walked along the sea front into town. It just so happened that as I passed the Alhambra Fan Club had just started playing. They even sounded good out on the street; so I went in and listened. This was what I had been looking for, they were an excellent band. After the gig I talked to the singer, (Pete was it?) and found out that they were playing at the Richmond the next week. So the next week I turned up at the Richmond full of anticipation. I think that I took one of the art students with me promising them an excellent night, and so was a bit depressed when The Satelittes took to the stage. They seemed to have got their idea of what a punk band was from "How to be a Punk Vol 1" (published by Tabloid Papers Inc). I remember at the time thinking, "if this is Punk I don't wnat anything to do with it". Everybody was standing around the outskirts of the room trying to look like they were enjoying themselves (unsucessfully for the most part) as the band lurched into their finale "God Loves Punk" ( I really hope it was all irony). Then a strange sneering hunchback wearing a Beret came onto the stage with a base player and started throwing insults at the audience. I watched in amazement as everybody in the room moved to the front of the stage, and then realised that I was doing the same thing. What mystical power had this tuneless mutant exerted over me? Was he some kind of wizard or necromancer? No, it was Smeggy and Russel doing their second gig. It was spellbindingly awful. I seem to remember that they only had one song which they did three times. It got worse and worse with each rendition. It was the most astounding thing I had ever seen, I suddenly realised what punk had to offer (what you could get away with anyway). As soon as they had finished I went and offered my services as a guitarist. So don't give me that inspiration bollocks. If it wasn't for Fan Club, Smeggy and the Cheesybits would never have existed and I could never have been able to say that I played at Ronnie Scott's, or met Tom Baker for that matter......hmmm. Now I come to think of it you've got quite a lot to answer for!! So let's hear it for Fan Club. As tuneful as The Piranahs ever were, but a lot more interesting! One last question. Who's Neville? I'm sure I should know but I can't quite place the name.
     


...Top...




T. Walton - 18 October 2005
Email : I am paranoid

  Message:  

In reply to previous contributors - I can not enlighten you. I can not enlighten myself. I don't know what I'm doing. I never did. It is unlikely that I ever will. That is the way things are. You may see me wandering the streets. But that is not me. I am not me. I never was. Sometimes I think I was. But say hello anyway. Even though I probably won't remember who either of us are.
     


Hmmm....so after all this effort and speculation it turns out that the 'Mystery Option' is as much a mystery to you as it was to us. I never saw that comming!
     


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Sally Compton - 10 October 2005
Email : I am paranoid

  Message:  

Re: Martino's song. I think you should know that the song by Martino that you put on your website is a complete rip-off of a song done by a band called Inselaffe back in 1980ish!!! You'll find the original here: http://web.ukonline.co.uk/sally.c6/ins/home.htm
     


I'm shocked! No really!
     


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Darren - 26 September 2005
Email : I am paranoid

  Message:  

G'day Dave. This is darren, Ex Bebop Drummer. Have checked in, and out, of your website over the last couple of years since finding out about it from Rob. I was stunned to find the MP3's this time round but it didn't stop me from downloading the lot! Listneing to them was great, I laughed like mad. Fuck we were crap!! The Walton's still rock though. I wonder why we never made it big. Curious! Thanks for the site. If I find any photos or any other crap I have floating around from then I'll be sure to forward it on.
     


"Crap" is such a dysphemism. Surely words like "unusual" or "musically challanged" would be more appropriate! Personally I always thought you were brilliant. Whatever anybody said about you (and they did often) you were never anything less than extreemly entertaining. Any photos would be greatfully received.
     


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You Know Who - 25 September 2005
Email : I am paranoid

  Message:  

Hello my dear, Lovely photos...looks like fun. Am still waiting for my sister to upload holiday photos, would have sent you them otherwise. Have just got home from curry orgy! Did recording go ok yesterday? Was good to talk to you.
     


Hmmm.....Curry Orgy!
     


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Jane (nee Doris) - 20 September 2005
Email : I am paranoid

  Message:  

..and another thing, these stats are only interesting to you. I know because I produce similar shit at work and no-one cares. Really. And I'm paid to do it.
     


Actually I was trying to be funny! But I did find them strangly interesting.....
     


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Jane (nee Doris) - 20 September 2005
Email : I am paranoid

  Message:  

Dave, you can't be surprised so few of us on the Cheese Board (I'll let you have that one for free) are female. Do you have any idea how long it takes to straighten hair? With best wishes from Doris
     


That's strange it only takes Beyonce the time it takes to click her fingers.
     


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Handbag Nigel - 20 September 2005
Email : I am paranoid

  Message:  

Dear Rob, I don't remember you at all on or off the CB radio. However you are both right and wrong! right cos I never have carried a handbag but wrong cos I am gay. true - I wasn't in the 80s when I was CBing. I was straight. A song about little me? I'm touched even if it is a bit rough!!![a bit rough? Did I say that? I meant fuckin' *#%***!!!] Winding up macho straights?! Oh, happy days! How we laughed in the hopital with smashed mouths and broken teeth! Regards to all those who remember me.
     


Well I for one am totally convinced that Handbag Nigel is a real person and not some figmaent of Martino's imagination. But I'm still not going to record that song!
     


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Antony - 20 September 2005
Email : I am paranoid

  Message:  

Re: 'Err...you said it twice, not that I'm counting' I'd like to complain. I only said it once! Honest! The other Anthony (with an 'h' 20 June 05) wasn't me and I resent being associated with him! I opted for recording 3 times, mystery option twice, and I don't care just the once, and that was only because you ignored my first message and I felt snubbed! And while I'm feeling hard done by, there's no 'h' in my name! I mean, is this how you treat those loyal fans that risked life and limb walking the length of Shanklin Pier on dark cold nights to sit huddled nursing one pint of Orangiboom up in the shadows of the unsafe balcony, just to watch their favourite IOW band! Antony (without the h). Grumble, grumble...
     


My abject apologies. And I'm sorry about your first message I just missed it for ages in the rush.I can't help but notice that one of Derry Leach's messages have disappeared now. The sooner I automate this process the better.
     


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Rob Martin - 19 September 2005
Email : I am paranoid

  Message:  

Picture the average visitor to this website (all three of them, that is) Sitting there, bleary-eyed, vacant and haggard in front of their televisions. The urine has now soaked through into the sofa, such that the resulting ammonia has left an oily film so thick that it has glued them to the cushion. Even if they could move, they would not, for they are transfixed in longing to discover an answer. They haven't eaten for weeks, such is their desparate eagerness and yearning to know ... who Handbag Nigel is. Well, Handbag Nigel is neither gay nor carries a handbag. Remember CB radios in the 80's? He was a CB radio ham based in Portsmouth. He delighted in winding up macho, homophobic CBers (which, let's face it, most of them were) over the CB radio frequencies. He even arranged a fight once outside a Gosport pub over the CB when he invited a bunch of reactionary rednecks to take him on. As you might expect, he never turned up but delighted in taunting them into a frothing rage for weeks after that over the CB. If they ever caught up with him, he is probably dead. Not only a great laugh, Handbag Nigel was a gent and one of the most articulate and witty wordsmiths around. So lay off him, Dave!
     


If that is true why was his "rent in arrears" and why does he know so much about "pork swords" and why does he "leer at tight male buttocks"? Don't say that it's poetic license either! Also I think you will find there are slightly more than three visitors to this website. 44 at least And not everybody leaves a message so we can probably double that figure. Hang on. I think I'm stuck to my chair..........
     


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Rob Martin - 19 September 2005
Email : I am paranoid

  Message:  

Statistics on a rock band webpage!!!!! Brilliant idea!!! Gorgeous graphs, delicious number grids, even enticing sideways graphs! And a delicious use of numbers everywhere! All backed up with worrying revelations about the correspondents themselves! It's all there! More please! I think more band web pages should concentrate on this sort of thing instead of information about the bands! May I make one suggestion? No - well, I'm going to anyway! How about a "Latin-Words-We-Have-Loved" page?! Or "A Treatise on the Modern Perverse Over-use of the Exclamation Mark"? Keep up the statisticizing!!
     


Well I can't speak any latin but I'm a sucker for those mistranslations of modern phrases. You know like "Cannis orchids" and "Sic bisquit disintergratum" [sorry about the spelling].
     


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Ally2000 - 19 September 2005
Email : I am paranoid

  Message:  

I deny that I'm Owen. I have a complete personality of my own. I'm also happy to hear that Owen is playing the sax again. He was so cute. I've got a clarinet he can have cheap.
     


Owen cute? That just prooves that you've never met him! I'll buy your clarinet! I've always wanted one. I'm not cute but I am egotistical and self centred. I'm glad to hear that your personality is completely your own.
     


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Antony - 19 September 2005
Email : I am paranoid

  Message:  

Sorry I said 'I don't care what Tony does' once, I didn't really mean it! What is he doing by the way??? There's a guy called Tony walton working for Wikepedia... not him?
     


Err...you said it twice, not that I'm counting, but you sugested recording three times and the mystery option twice so I think you come out ahead with an overall positive response. Vindicated! I don't know what he's doing. I'm extreemly bad at keeping in touch with people. Especially ones that I have shared really important parts of my life with. Im hoping he's going to email us and tell us what he's going to do next, though all things considered he probably did it about eight months ago!
     


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O B Quiet - 17 September 2005
Email : I am paranoid
Subject :
Tony: I don't care what Tony does. Who is he anyway?

  Message:  

WEell I just checked out the website of this band Mista Mushroom thst you keep going on about but it made me feel ill 'cos the coulers were so
     


Shit Owen! It must have made you really ill! You've forgotton how to type! BTW they are playing at the Wedgewood Rooms soon so you should go and see them. Take all your freinds and vote for them! You can get tickets by emailing: mushroom hotmail com or you could subscribe to their newsletter at their website.
     


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Antony - 09 September 2005
Email : I am paranoid
Subject :
Tony: I think Tony should consider doing some recording with Mr Cheesyballs

  Message:  

Hi Cheesybits Yeah I can give the Mushrooms a couple of contacts. There's a great free gig in London on a Saturday afternoon run by Rough Trade called ROTA at the Notting Hill Arts Club (no fee but a good place to play especially if you have another London gig that day or weekend..) this is the email for Matt the guy in charge: courtesanx yahoo com Also there's a couple of guys under the name of Track And Field who put on cool gigs in London you could try them. Email Steven at: stevenm.drew btconnect com and they might be able to give them something. They sometimes do all dayers with loads of bands. Other than that the Camden venues are probably the best bet (Dublin Castle, Bull and Gate, Barfly...) They do gigs every night of the week. Or Upstairs At The Garage is another one, in Islington, or the Hope and Anchor... John Haskett, is an ex IOWer who played bass in a punk band, big guy, big mohican, the bands name began with an A, I forget now...
     


Thanks for that. I will pass it on. Mista Mushroom were excellent at the Bestival last weekend and it would be a real shame if they didn't go further than the island. Still they are all moving to the mainland soon so you might see them playing at a venue near you soon. Johnny Haskett??? No! Still doesn't ring a bell. Still if you've spelt his name right he will probably write in and introduce himself eventually (or is it just me that is vain enough to do searches on my name).
     


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Ian the B - 06 September 2005
Email : I am paranoid
Subject :
Tony: I think Tony should take the mystery option

  Message:  

Back in June 2003 Rob and I confessed to having achieved success by recording a gig at the Consort. But, but...did we do anything about it. Its a grade E or F on your scale but we'll sort it out and get it to you somehow, for what its worth. Where too, sir? Love the emental - holesome
     


Get in touch with Rob. He'll get it to me. He's promised me lots of other tapes as well which will eventually make their way on to the website. Ah...I see. Different Rob. I'll email you my address!
     


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Antony - 04 September 2005
Email : I am paranoid
Subject :
Tony: I think Tony should take the mystery option

  Message:  

Re: have Hefner ever played the IOW? Alas no. We headlined at The Wedgewood Rooms a couple of times and did the Pyramid once on a Billy Bragg support tour and played in Southampton once, but I forget the venue... perhaps Joiners? They served us a rather dodgy rice meal which ended up ruining the rest of the tour! You might know our old tour manager/sound man, Johnny Haskett. He's now doing very nicely for himself touring with that Aussie band Jet. God bless him! How much is my Brown Rice 7" worth ???
     


I don't know, but considerably more than the 12" which I find extreemly embarrassing! Mista Mushroom played at the Wedgewood Rooms lat weekend. They have just got through to the final of some kind of battle of the bands competition. They are a great band. Catch them if you can or even better tell them where they can get a gig in London. Johnny Haskett???
     


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Antony - 04 September 2005
Email : I am paranoid
Subject :
Tony: I think Tony should take the mystery option

  Message:  

Hi Cheesybits, and hi Ian! Yes it's all true. The BDMs were the first real band to emerge from Sandown High, cutting a path for bands like Ian's Rattling Bones to follow, turning the Sandown High School music room into a hive of activity after 4pm. I briefly played drums in the BDMs, then guitar, despite not knowing a single chord! How punk rock is that! The BDMs career highlight was supporting The Be Bops at one of the legendary Palmerston Hall Gigs in Shanklin (which was reviewed in the Happy Daze fanzine) and yes we did indeed do a rather good version of Umbrella Attack!!! We split up many times and I didn't feature in the final lineup as I had left to form The Mighty Flads (who lasted one gig), Madonna And Sean Penn (who lasted 2 gigs) and The Ant Hill Mob (one gig). Alas we never managed to break away from the Sandown High School East Hall and Shanklin Palmerston Hall circuit... despite dreaming of one day supporting The Waltons and the Be Bops at Shanklin Pier (those dreams cruelly dashed by the Hurricane and The Waltons making it big by starring in Anika!) Ian, I seem to remember you did a great cover of Hanging Around. Sorry It took me 3 years to reply to your email!
     


You dreamed of supporting the Waltons at Shanklin Pier? Where we often played to a collection of white plastic chairs and could see our breath it was so cold? You should have set your sites a little higher!
     


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Ian @ Strings - 02 September 2005
Email : I am paranoid
Subject :
Tony: I think Tony should take the mystery option

  Message:  

Antony of Hefner and now antpop !!! , meant to get in touch ages ago but it took him over a year to find the email I sent him, so there! maybe he'll read this. Antony was a member of a certain high school band that went by the name of "The Mighty Flads" and then "Madonna & Sean Penn". This must have been around 1986-88 and followed on from the forming of "The BDM's" (Bouncing Doc Martens?)But I can't remember if Ant was in the BDM's?. These guys were the first REAL band to come out of Sandown High (other than The Shadows cover band "The Mellow Yellows"). Any how this lead to several people borrowing "Umbrella Attack" - a la BeBops (using various different time changes and beats). This also lead to my own high school band "Rattlin Bones" covering "Mighty Flads" cover of "Umbrella Attack" pretty messed up I can tell you, considering Bones had never heard the original. Apparently James Clayton (RB drummer) has a few tapes of RB/MF & BDM gigs with at least two said versions of "Umbrella Attack". One of these is "Live at Palmerston Hall, Shanklin" a gig which offered 4 bands for 15p entrance fee and as much toast and smarties as you could collect from the floor. Shall attempt to recover said versions and mail them on. I'd love to see someone do an IOW bands family tree ha
     


So let me get this straight. Your band covered a cover of a song that quoted a Waltons song and you're complaining about lack of accreditation? Ha! I was never aware of any bands that came out of Sandown High having never attended said establishment but I'm surprised to hear the Mighty Flads were the first. Wasn't Nick Turvey in a band that went to Sandown? Or was that a covers band? In which case I would agree that that doesn't count as "real". All badly recorded music is greatfully received (keep the file size small though....I'm still on dial-up).
     


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Tony Cornell - 29 August 2005
Email : I am paranoid

  Message:  

Dear Mr. Bits, I received the attached picture today from an anonymous Russian e-mail address! I send it to you with the original file-name. I am sincerely worried that someone is trying to revive the hatred and violence of the Ice Cream War days! It would be interesting to know if any other Isle of Wight Italian people have also received it?
     


I realise that you could interpret this attachment as a threat. But just how seriously you should take it? The Ice Cream Wars are a thing of the past. Anybody who thinks that they can rekindle old enmities between families that have, for the most part, left the Island and/or left the ice cream trade is sadly delusional. Take heart also from the graphic itself. It has obviously been done by a retard with no artistic talent. What kind of simpleton would send a badly drawn graphic rather than a text message? Unless his intellectual ability has also effected his writing ability? Should we read any significance into the fact that the ice cream in the graphic is scoop ice cream rather than Mr Whippy? Anyway it is obvious to me that this is from someone that has no real grasp of what went on in those terrible days or they would not be so flippant with their threats! And why would they send this threat to you? I didn't know you had any Italian connections? Surely the most obvious target for this kind of rubbish would be Anthony Mingella? It would be nice to hear from him on this subject but I'm sure that the scars run deep in his family and I quite understand his reluctance to contribute. By the way, there is a very camp gentleman that wishes to get in contact with you. See below.
     


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Handbag Nigel - 29 August 2005
Email : I am paranoid
Subject :
Tony: I don't care what Tony does. Who is he anyway?

  Message:  

Dear Mr. Bits, Ooo, you saucy bitch you!!! I wrote you an e-mail a month ago and it's taken you all that time to put it up, matron! And, you brute, you have failed to send me Tony's e-mail address! As for this Rob character, I really don't know what or who you're whittering on about. How I come to be in one of his songs, I do not know. He's certainly NOT one of my ex-boyfriends! And I certainly can't hold a note, let alone string a load together to make a tune! Please send me the e-mail address, or I will be forced to slap you lightly but firmly on your well-formed, pink, rosy, perky cheeks [Matron! No!] with my handbag! To paraphrase dear departed Charles Hawtrey, I do not object to the jiggery of your usually most amusing comments, but I do take exception to the pokery of your false allegation here!!! Big kisses, Nigel Stevens.
     


My apologies Mr Nigel. I am obviously totally mistaken. I can tell from your message that you totally serious in what you say. For Tony Cs address see his message below. Don't forget to put the @ sign and the full stops back in. I hope you are very happy together.
     


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Antony - 19 August 2005
Email : I am paranoid
Subject :
Tony: I think Tony should consider doing some recording with Mr Cheesyballs

  Message:  

Hi again Mr Cheeseybits, I remember seeing the Waltons one time later on in your career and your good self had disappeared from the line up, replaced by some geezer with his bass strap up to his chin and doing the odd bit of slap bass! We were gutted to see such a sight. What happened there? And was the new basser Mark King's little twin brother?
     


Don't get me started on the subject of slap bass. I can't stand the stuff, it's almost as irritating as flangers. As to how this came about maybe Tony can enlighten us - I wasn't there! I know Mark Kings nephew, he's a nice kid (a bit mental - which is a good thing) and shows no tendancy to hit things with his thumbs, so it isn't genetic. I also saw the Waltons one time later on in their career (sic), it was an enlightening experience and I really enjoyed it. It maybe a strange thing to get your head around but it was the first time I'd ever seen them! When you are playing in a band it is a completely different experience to watching them. Quite often (especially when you are using rubbish equipment but also when you are using good equipment but the sound engineer/accoustics is/are rubbish) you can't even hear the rest of the band or if you can you are just concentrating on the bits you need to hear to keep in time or get a cue from. I remember thinking that Ambition had gone down hill but that was probabley the slap bass that did that. I also remember that there were really obvious bits in the songs that they were a bit uncomfortable with but which sounded fine out front. I think that was the first time that it struck me that we might have been a good band after all. I always wanted to be in the Be-Bop Dustbins! P.S. Have Hefner ever played The Isle of Wight?
     


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Ralph Riddler - 31 July 2005
Email : I am paranoid
Subject :
Tony: I think Tony should increase his medication

  Message:  

hi just wanted to know if therevis any chance of a reform ,phone dad he is losing it
     


Hello Ralph aren't you a little young to be hanging around dodgy websites or have I completely lost track of time. The last time I saw you I had to berate you for chucking rubbish on the floor when you were standing right next to a bin! I hope your sense of civic responsibility is better developed now! Don't worry too much about your dad losing it, he's always been like that. I don't have his number so can't ring him and no - there's no chance of a reform, not with me anyway (unless you have inherited a huge fortune in the last couple of years)!
     


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Handbag Nigel - 28 July 2005
Email : I am paranoid
Subject :
Tony: I don't care what Tony does. Who is he anyway?

  Message:  

My good friend Woofy Poofy told me that you mite no of the where-abouts of my other, long-estranged good friend, Tony Cornell. Is this corect? Do you have an e-mail contact address for her? Thanks alot. Handbag Nigel.
     


Rob if this is an attempt to lend some credence to the dodgy lyrical content of your songs, you are wasting your time! I'm still not going to sing backing vocals to that song. Uphill gardening seems to be a recurring theme in your lyrics and it just makes me nervous about being in a studio with you for long periods of time! So setting up a new email address was a bit of a waste of time then?
     


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Neil - 25 July 2005
Email : I am paranoid
Subject :
Tony: I think Tony should take the mystery option

  Message:  

Chavs? On sticks or not, surely this must mean the IOW is no longer twenty years behind the rest of the UK. Where are your standards. Or is there another Pyle Street, in Essex maybe? Anyone there know Lucy Tucker? (Various IOW waitressing, mid 70's. God I'm old.) At last I know the truth behind the "Cats like plain crisps" graffito, I recall John Peel mentioning it. (God, I'm old.) Neil (Eating the leftover snacks from my 50th birthday party.)
     


The IW used to be so far behind the rest of the world that sometimes (given the cyclic nature of fashion) it appeared to be cutting edge. Nowadays given advances in technology (I hear there is a telephone cable at the bottom of the atlantic that allows us to make calls to America) the delay is smaller. Re: Lucy Tucker - I was still at school in the 70s. It was very strict. We weren't allowed to talk to waitresses.
     


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Bob - 19 July 2005
Email : I am paranoid
Subject :
Tony: I think Tony should go back into psychotherapy

  Message:  

I'll lick her anywhere she wants me to!! Sandown, Rookley, Ventnor... anywhere really.
     


Look I never meant this to turn into a swingers dating page.
     


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Antony - 13 July 2005
Email : I am paranoid
Subject :
Tony: I don't care what Tony does. Who is he anyway?

  Message:  

Is it true Shanklin Pier blew away after a particularly loud Waltons gig? Antony, Malmo, Sweden.
     


It is true to say that but it is also true to say that the pier blew away after a particularly fierce gale. I don't know why but I missed out your previous message, this has now been included below.
     


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Ob Quiet - 01 July 2005
Email : I am paranoid
Subject :
Tony: I think Tony should take the mystery option

  Message:  

I'm off to work soon so I ain't got time to write much... just to "bigup" (as I believe people say these days) the ever faithfull Ally for demanding more of me, thus saving me the trouble...I had a go on a mates daughters alto sax the other day, first time in years, and I can still do it! to some rudimentary level about....which is about all I ever could do as I remember...anarchy in the toilet...smash the cistern...proper tea etc...Char Lee Parker...over and out!
     


I'm loathed to say it...but....you were actually quite a good sax player but stop trying to fool us we know you and Ally are the same person!
     


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Anthony - 20 June 2005
Email : I am paranoid
Subject :
Tony: I don't care what Tony does. Who is he anyway?

  Message:  

Hi there, Looking for a copy of the mini series Annika from 1984. I noticed someone called Maggs had saved them to DVD. Any chance Maggs or anyone could email me confirmation as I would love to get a copy as havent seen for over 20 years. Thanks. Anthony, Ryde, Isle of Wight
     


Maggs's email is below. You can email her! You're not Anthony Mingella are you? If you are we would love to hear your version of events Re: The Ice Cream Wars. I don't want to reignite old feuds but I think this is an important part of IOW history and I think a version of events from your family would be valuable.
     


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Derry Le Ach - 02 June 2005
Email : I am paranoid

  Message:  

Sorry I lost this message.
     


I do apologise.
     


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Paul Wayman - 22 April 2005
Email : I am paranoid
Subject :
Tony: I think Tony should take the mystery option

  Message:  

If there are enough of the Waltons still alive, is there a possibility of a gig? And is contibutor Holmes my ex brother-in-law?
     


Re. Gig: I don't know. If you are an excentric millionaire that likes squandering fortunes on a whim then I would say that the chances are quite high. Re. Holmes: I don't know. You could ask him. Who's your sister?
     


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Ant - 21 April 2005
Email : I am paranoid
Subject :
Tony: I think Tony should consider doing some recording with Mr Cheesyballs

  Message:  

Hi Mr Cheesybits I still have a copy of the Brown Rice 7" and I remember fondly the days of The Waltons/ Bee Bops/ Cats / Chuff Trains/ and that rockabilly band? at the Shanklin Pier (before the hurricane blew it away!) when I was a mere 15/16 yr old! What you guys up to these days? Ant (ex IOWer who ended up playing drums in a London band called Hefner).
     


I've heard of Hefner....aren't you famous? Any band that uses ukuleles is alright by me!
     


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Baron Nomore - 13 April 2005
Email : I am paranoid
Subject :
Tony: I don't care what Tony does. Who is he anyway?

  Message:  

Hey Dave, how come there are no photos of your legendary sax player, Toot Nomore? Bogey On Lord Toot xxx
     


1) You so don't have a copy of the Walton's Story. I must put some Smeggy Related subjects in that list. 2) The only reason I have any photos at all is because Kim sent me a contact sheet of that gig at the Alhambra and that was before you (that is you isn't it? or is Toot a name that the second son of every generation is given? I know what you aristocracy are like!) joined the band. Have you got any? Somebody must have taken some frickin photos of us! 3) How come you get to be a legend? Why can't I be one?
     


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Ally2000 - 19 March 2005
Email : I am paranoid
Subject :
Tony: I think Tony should take the mystery option

  Message:  

Were The Waltons the definitive band of the Isle of Wight? More pics of Owen.
     


I don't know! Define definitive, infact choose a definition from those below. I don't think we were commemorative. Does this mean you never actually saw us?
1 (of an answer, treaty, verdict, etc.) decisive, unconditional, final.
2 (of an edition of a book etc.) most authoritative.
3 (of a postage stamp) for permanent use, not special or commemorative etc.
     


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Ally2000 - 19 March 2005
Email : I am paranoid
Subject :
Tony: I think Tony should take the mystery option

  Message:  

Now I've finally got the MP3s to play, how do I store them to play on Media player? Still not enough Owen
     


Instead of double clicking on the links to the mp3s, right click and choose "save target as" from the menu. Then you can put them where you want.
     


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Holmes - 05 March 2005
Email : I am paranoid
Subject :
Tony: I think Tony should take the mystery option

  Message:  

Hi Mr Congealed lactoproteinaceous particulates, Angelically delightfully I was made aware of the existence of your site today. It is the Waltons (truly the saintly saviours who were butt members) to which I refer primarily, having had the dubious displeasure to have been rescued from my almost certain path to orthodox reasonableness (still vague vestigial night sweats persist of vegetable normopathdom and dualities of separate gorillas looking over walls). Looking through what's on the site so far, I get the impression that your recollection is as incomplete as my own, which is fair enough as we were living, not remembering, at the time. I am sure that there are 100's of gibbons like myself with many fragments to recall. It is on that premise that I supply these little smegs, such that perhaps you may be able to coagulate them eventually into some coherent (c)(t)urd. Bonzos & 0ld 78's evenings opposite the police station Pavillion prestigiously roadied by Hillman Imp Van, some Radio 1 tosser, Leggery Peck is stuck in my head. Shanklin Pier, joint birthday Scooper Wright and Deranged Dave. I suppose 30 people came and enjoyed themselves, that's piers, parties and pterodactyls for you. Guest band, Wolfie, were most distressed to find that they had to doss at the Strand, no Goblin Teasmade service! As for the Kellet, I last saw Steve at Desborough's dust spreading, late '99, with his child. He was living and working in London then. Book Early, Koan
     


Ah finally somebody who (a) is truly qualified to pass comment on lactation by-products, and (b) wants to lick Katy Pearson (Katy please drop us a line and tell us how you feel about this). I remember the Wolfie Witcha Gig as being really good, am I mistaken? I particularly remember a 78 by the Savoy Orpheans. You don't have it do you?
     


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T. Walton - 21 February 2005
Email : I am paranoid
Subject :
Tony: I think Tony should increase his medication

  Message:  

Aah, Hunter. You've screwed up my no smoking. Way to go mate.
     


     


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Ian - 12 January 2005
Email : I am paranoid
Subject :
Tony: I don't care what Tony does. Who is he anyway?

  Message:  

Myself & Ian Thompson (yes that Ian from the IoW,Islington,now of Chingford):-) also want to know where the fook is Steve Kellett?- last seen sweating profusly at a squat in St Johns street,Islington. c 199?... maybe his bro Matt aaaarrrrgggghhhh or better still his sister (name unknown) might know of his whereabouts?)?(? anyway why cant we download 'black leather'-paid loads of fooking money for this machine & it turns round & piss's in your eye.. BOLLOCKS - if anyone can help we have lots of messages for him. We dont particul-ary like cheese, but, we know a some mice. Yours forever & ever The Ian's.
     


That was pretty much what Steve was doing last time I saw him (1990). His sister is called Ruth. I don't know why you can't download IITBL. It works fine for me. If the problem persists let me know.
     


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T. Walton - 12 January 2005
Email : I am paranoid
Subject :
Tony: I think Tony should increase his medication

  Message:  

Yes, all you people looking for stuff like this and that and the ubiquitous other. I have these things, mostly anyway. Wot? Nothing is lost. All will be revealed. The powder and the goreystuff, foreveraneverare mental as a hatstand in gods green mould.
     


It sounds suspiciously to me like you've already increased your medication overmuch!
     


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