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  • Our models all have gorgeous bodies but unfortunately they are ugly ... very, very ugly.
  • Every care and precaution has therefore been taken to make your viewing experience of 'Revenge of the Lawn' fashion a pleasurable one.
  • If the garments look better on you than on our models, we cannot be held responsible.
The T-shirt Collection :

Good for swashbuckling or ...

... giving directions to tourists.

Good for squaring up to someone or...

... pleading and snivelling miserably for mercy.

No, you're wrong! This is not an ironic comment on Christmas being a time when you want to commit suicide!

The Cheap and Nasty t-shirt is good for going that one step further than your neighbour in the annual "I've got a better Christmas tree than you" battle. Wear it as you hoist yourself up to the top of your tree with a hefty block and tackle and watch your neighbour's face turn green with envy when she/he realises they've only got a poxy angel or a ratty old star!

Watch carol singers stare in admiring but stunned disbelief as, when your front door is opened, they behold YOU with the apex of the christmas tree stuck up your arse, wearing our Cheap and Nasty range White t-shirt. Alternatively, for a more flexible and swinging approach, you could just remain dangling from the block and tackle fixed to the top of the tree.

Here, our model had almost hoisted himself to the top of the 18ft municipal Christmas tree that stands in Newport Town Hall function room, when he stopped to model the Cheap and Nasty t-shirt as part of the Mayor's Christmas Corporation Dinner Dance. (The Town Hall's mighty roof beams can be seen in the background)

This t-shirt should only be used with a very stout Christmas tree, as snapping trunks and pine needles can damage your health.
May contain traces of nuts.
We can not be held liable for any accidents incurred while hoisting a member of your family to the top of the tree. Remember it is inadvisable to hoist pregnant women, pensioners or people with poor heart conditions to the top of any tree whatsoever.
Our model is an expert in hoisting and dangling - he's done a course in it, you know - and has many year's experience in the art of Coniferous Apex Loitering. Always make sure you get a professional to help raise you to the top of the tree, if you are unsure.
Beware of Hoister fraudsters who claim they are genuine hoisters, but, once they have you firmly tied to the top of your mighty Christmas pine will then proceed to ransack your house of all its belongings under your very gaze.
Human Hoisted Decor and Coniferous Apex Loitering is a serious and skilled art. You really don't want to go to all that effort to reach the dizzy heights of the top of your tree only to find that you've got a dull t-shirt on. Avoid disappointment therefore by wearing the Cheap and Nasty range White t-shirt.

The Badge Collection :

Unfortunately we don't have the skill to put up an e-shop,
but fortunately The House of Cheese™ has come to our rescue again
and done it for us.

For an ever-growing and exciting range of badges,
go to

The Obscure Badge Shop.

Don't forget to see the Family range and, no, we haven't forgotten you, single mums,
there's something for you too.

Now, how about a dance step or two?