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Please note I have removed the @ and any full stops from all email addresses on this page to try and fool the E-mail combines. If you want to email someone you will have to put these characters back in. Click here to see Stats!
Messages for 2009
2009
Zxcvzxcv - Wed 16 Dec 2009
Email : zxcvzxcvzxcv
Subject : My Hand is Up

  Message:  

I-and-I babel on and on....
     


Jah and shit, isn't it?
     


...Top...




Mr. Newteacher - Thu 10 Dec 2009
Email : howimetyourmother hotmail co uk
Subject : Other

  Message:  

im here to make an officail complaint about the disturbing picture of a disabled man he is highly cring worthy and makes me want to hit my computer screen with a flip flop.
     


Which "disturbing picture of a disabled man"? Do you mean this one? Or this one? Or this one? Or this one? Or this one? Or this one?
     


...Top...




Mary Wart. - Thu 10 Dec 2009
Email : yama hotmail com
Subject : My Hand is Up

  Message:  

my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? my hand IS up? ya mas up.
     


I'm sorry, I don't speak hippity hip-hop. I can however confirm that your hand is up.
     


...Top...




Humphrey Renolds - Thu 10 Dec 2009
Email : I am paranoid
Subject : Cats Like Plain Crisps

  Message:  

im typying to you to make an officail complaint about this phrase cats like plain crisps, my cat smokey bee on the MIC likes smokey bacon crisps so therefore that statement is BULLSUGAR,
all my hate
humphrey.
     


I comend you for calling your cat "smokey bee on the MIC". It's a catchy name. Cats liking smokey bacon crisps is usually the result of sexual trauma suffered in early life. It is not "statistcally significant".
     


...Top...




Laurenandamy. - Thu 10 Dec 2009
Email : I am paranoid
Subject : Sandwichs

  Message:  

well i thought the sandwichs were very nice, untill unfortunatly i dropped one on the floor. i would have used the 5 seconds rule but a wiggly worm climbed into the sandwich and shlurped it all up! so i would like an official refund.
     


What thew hell is the five second rule? Surely you mean the three second rule. Five seconds is just unhygenic!
     


...Top...




Jeff - Sat 31 Oct 2009
Email : birdbonb aol com
Subject :

  Message:  

Don't know if it is Johnny, downloaded Johnny but the start is different to what i thought was Jolly. No matter still feckin good music.
     


If you downloaded this version of Johnny/Control. Then you've got the same version that the film crew had. I seem to remember that they did a fairly clumsy edit of the begining of the song when they used it.
     


...Top...




Jeff - Wed 28 Oct 2009
Email : birdbonb aol com
Subject : The Waltons

  Message:  

Downloaded Annika, feckin good mini series. Also now downloaded some of the songs by the Waltons but i think there is one missing?? it was called jolly. It starts and then the tv show goes into a break judt wondering if i can get hold of it.
     


Jolly??? I don't ever remember being jolly! Ah Johnny! That's here. It's conbined with Control.
     


...Top...




Not Me - Mon 26 Oct 2009
Email : EITHER OR BUM
Subject :

  Message:  

'Owen will be so pleased to know that he's the less attractive one.'

Well not really, the obvious subtext of this post is that the 'Good looking one' (so called ) is really a talentless clothes horse whos superficial gloss is a mere veneer under which lies a sad and shallow life filled with a burning envy of those able to impress the general populace and in particular girls by playing the banjo and harmonica at the same time, even while rippling their arms honed to an acme of tatooed atractivness by years of honest sweat and toil, unlike the pale effete arms sported by such academic psudo-intelectual personages, who will in any case, be shot on sight after the revolution of the proletariat has established a workers state which will not tolerate these parasitic barnicles who at present cling to the sinking ship of state.

No I won't be pleased to know that I am the less atractive one because that is not what this poster meant at all I will have you know Mr. (so called) Cheesey bits. Badgers DIE IN VAIN to enshure that cows packed into hideously unhygenic barns never the less don't get tuberculosis so DON'T TALK TO ME ABOUT CHEESE!
     


I beg to differ. I think that when Mr Knight said, "Pity the good-looking one doesn't have tattoos as well", he was by implication suggesting that Mr Lee the "one with the tattoos" was in some way less attractive than "the one without the tattoos". Further more he takes this stance despite obviously being a fan of the tattooorisers art (I think that's the proper term). He does not, after all, say, "Pity the one that looks like a monkey has got all those tattoos", does he?

By the way, did you know that Stilton cheese was actually made in Melton Mowbray some 31 miles north-west of Stilton?
     


...Top...




Antony - Wed 14 Oct 2009
Email : ant antpop com
Subject : Revenge of the Lawn

  Message:  

Hi Mr Cheese are you doing any Christmas gigs?
     


Not as yet. Do you want to offer us one?
     


...Top...




Steve Knight - Fri 09 Oct 2009
Email : sknight homeoffice gov uk
Subject :

  Message:  

I've just seen the video of Revenge of the Lawn playing their song Vampire and I am staggered by the uncanny ressemblance of the arms of those two young men in the band. It's weird how absolutely alike those two arms are. Pity the good-looking one doesn't have tattoos as well because then they really would be arm doubles.

Please could you ask the two band members if they wouldn't mind taking part of in a survey that the Home Office are carrying out into the paranormal aspects of HBPDs(Human Body Part Doubles).

Important Information - Disclosure, Confidentiality and Monitoring of this email This email communication may be monitored by the Home Office for regulatory, quality control, or crime detection purposes. If you are not the Intended Recipient please contact the sender as soon as possible. It is intended only for the personal attention of the named person, firm or company to whom it is addressed. It may contain information that is privileged and confidential in law. Accordingly any unauthorised dissemination, distribution, copying or other use of this message or any of its content by any other person may constitute a breach of civil or criminal law and is strictly prohibited. No mistake in transmission is intended to waive or compromise any such privilege. Any views expressed in this message are those of the individual sender and may not necessarily reflect the views of the Home Office. The information contained in this e-mail may be subject to disclosure to third parties under either the Data Protection Act 1998 or the Freedom of Information Act 2000 to the extent the law allows and in accordance with the Home Office's policies on information management. (If you wish the disclosure of the information in any reply to be restricted please make this clear in your response).
     


It is uncanny is it not? We had Oven forcibly tattooed so that we could tell them apart in those situations where only their arms are exposed (you know what that can be like).

Owen will be so pleased to know that he's the less attractive one..

Please restrict this information.
     


...Top...




Bob Brown - Fri 25 Sep 2009
Email : stone dead btinternet com
Subject : The 80s Were Great

  Message:  

ello

I was in 80's brighton band slaves of janet! didnt know this sight existed and was stunned to see photos from one of our gigs! really miss those days but am still playing with a band down in cornwall!would love to speak to ken, simon and roger again if you can help?

Bob
     


Sorry I can't help with the reunion. Roger was the only band member that I knew and I havn't seen him since about 1981. I take it you've found the Punk Brighton site?
     


...Top...




Revenge of the Lawn - Thu 24 Sep 2009
Email : the lawn btinternet com
Subject :

  Message:  

Both you, Mr. Bits and, you, Some Impartial Observer, have missed the point. Revenge of the Lawn agree with you wholeheartedly that "drugs ... will be the death of society." And, as part of our two week long Worldwide Anti-Drugs Campaign(WAC), we hatched a cunning plan - to provide so small a poke to Drugs Barons, such as your good self, that only very very small tiny amounts of powder could be sold, thus gradually weaning people off drugs, as it just wouldn't be any fun taking drugs any more cos the hit would be so small so people would get pissed off with drugs and Drugs Barons, so they would turn away from harmful drugs and indulge in positive recreations and then they would be able to cure the common cold and cancer and eradicate famine and then there would be World Peace and everyone would be happy. But if you don't want Peace, Jollity and Contentment, then please feel free NOT to print out our solution to the world's ills. The WAC was set up with a European Union grant, which has also been used to finance the WAC Festival being held at High Park Tavern, Ryde on Friday 2nd October. There will be a meat raffle, music, juggling, magic, impressions, an erotic dancer, dancing boys and more.
     


Yeah... It's still a crap poster though.
     


...Top...




Some Impartial Observer - Thu 24 Sep 2009
Email : dont you wish th@ emailconbines would f**k off
Subject : ROTL's Last Gig Was The Dog's

  Message:  

Can I just say that making a poster that transforms into a poke is not smart and not clever. Drugs, and therefore drug references, are never smart or clever. In fact drugs, and therefore drug references, will be the death of society. Further more I printed out your poster at the size you had it on your website and when I turned it into a poke it was so small it would have been impossible to get anything in it. So I clicked on "fit to page" and printed it out again. This time the poke was so big that it would quite happily hold several grammes of powder, which for most people renders it totally impractical.

Fortunately I am an internationally renowned drugs baron so I filled it up with the finest crack cocaine and put it in my back pocket. Imagine my consternation when I went to peddle my evil powder outside a local primary school and found that the ink from the printing process had dyed my pixie dust a sick bile-green colour. The first-graders were outraged and threw their shoes at me. This is the gravest insult amongst my people, and I hold you and your band responsible. Watch out Revenge of the Lawn. Your days are numbered.

Miss Pedro Garcia Smyth-Jenkins-Jones
     


I could not agree with you more over the offending poster. It incensed me so much that I was forced to make an alternative ( click here). I think you will agree that nobody could possibly be offended by the idea of a Zombie Duncan Goodhew raising himself up from the grave so that he can attend one of Revenge of the Lawn's excellent gigs!
     


...Top...




Rob Martin - Tue 08 Sep 2009
Email :
Subject : Other

  Message:  

Do you realise John Cooper Clarke had foreseen the rise of your website over 30 years ago?
     


Hmm... One of us has got the gender wrong though. You're French, and my personel advisor, so it had better not be me.
     


...Top...




Badgers - Fri 04 Sep 2009
Email : mrsmental googlemail com
Subject :

  Message:  

why oh why is it ,that when i came to look at the potohs of the gig at Hyde Park......they were shit.....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Love Badgers.
     


I hope you are refering to the fact that some of the photos are missing bits, and not the general quality of the pics. I will fix that soon.

Later: As it turns out it was the original photo that was corrupt so I'm afraid there is nothing I can do about it. Sorry!
     


...Top...




Jon Wong of the B. C. C. A. - Fri 04 Sep 2009
Email : jwong tiscali co uk
Subject :

  Message:  

In fact, there are three Chinese restaurants in Ryde that stay open late on Fridays and Saturdays until 2.00 a.m. Please to patronise them and enjoy authentic Chinese take-away.
     


Ha! That told me.
     


...Top...




Kevin Dean - Thu 03 Sep 2009
Email : lockquay lockquay plus com
Subject : Revenge of the Lawn

  Message:  

Whos up for a chinese after the gig?
     


I'd be amazed if there are any open at that time of night. It would be much better if someone threw a party we could all go to. Any volunteers?
     


...Top...




Kevin Dean - Thu 03 Sep 2009
Email : lockquay lockquay plus com
Subject : Revenge of the Lawn

  Message:  

Ive got the CD, & its very nice (I want it signed). Now I want a T shirt. I'm going to sit at the front with the sheet music of your songs looking for mistakes! Why do people do that?
     


I'm sure you didn't mean to say nice. You probably meant to say that it's "slammin" or "the dog's" or something. Why do we make mistakes? We do it on purpose so we don't sound too good and discourage other island bands.
     


...Top...




Kevin Dean - Thu 03 Sep 2009
Email : lockquay lockquay plus com
Subject : Revenge of the Lawn

  Message:  

I remember Rob Martin from when we were at the Saw Academy together. He was streets ahead of everyone else. He wasn't any good he was just streets ahead of everyone because he drove too fast. Rob did improve & went on to do play backing saw for Shirley Temple, Jimmy Saville, Elvis & Hitler. I went on to become the president of The Mongolian Hat Burning Club. Looking Fwd to seeing you at the next gig.

Mr Dean
     


According to Rob's official biography "Been There, Done That, Ate the T-Shirt" it was Jimmy Sommerville he backed not Jimmy Saville. I mean, what would Jimmy Saville want with a young boy with a saw gripped between his thighs?
     


...Top...




Rob Miller - Sat 29 Aug 2009
Email : ph_Miller0639 dangerbase com
Subject : Other

  Message:  

Other
     


OK I'll think about it.
     


...Top...




Me - Sat 08 Aug 2009
Email : Me Me Me
Subject : Revenge of the Lawn

  Message:  

So Revenge of the Lawn are touring Ryde? That's not so much a tour as hanging around on street corners isn't it?
     


That's true. But you've got to understand that the only reason we ar'n't venturing further afield is because you are too lazy to get us a gig anywhere else.
     


...Top...




Lottie - Tue 28 Jul 2009
Email :
Subject : The Waltons

  Message:  

I'm listening to that waltons radio interview. It's really depressing, it makes me think of problems we had in Mista Mushroom with not having a fucking van, and trying to do any bloody gigs without having to loose 250 quid. Living on the Isle of Wight is obviously always going to be shit for making any money from any creative venture unless you have obscenely rich parents. Wightlink should be publicly executed. They must be stopped. You should fill in the survey. They must be stopped. I may be about to get all 'Carrie' on their asses. Pass me the pig's blood. What I wouldn't do for a sniper rifle...
     


What Wight Link or Red Funnel should actually be doing is sponsoring island bands by giving them free travel to and from mainland gigs. If you think about it most of the time bands would be leaving in the middle of the day and returning after midnight so it would cost them bugger all. Is there anybody out there who can speak the language of Suit and would be able to present this as useful publicity? Think of the kudos they could earn if one of the bands they supported made it big?
     


...Top...




Patrick Darcy - Tue 28 Jul 2009
Email : I am paranoid
Subject : The Waltons

  Message:  

Wow, many thanks for the reply to my previous message, really made my day, I didnt expect an answer. Well even if the video has gone from the Internet I have my own copy. And more importantly the music lives forever. I needed some serious inspiration last night so kept listening to Afraid of the Dark. It did the trick, I got what I needed. Thanks, I dont suppose any of you blokes are still making sounds are you? If not- you produced something special anyhow. Wish you well.
     


Owen Dread and I are now in Revenge of the Lawn and we've just started gigging again on the Island. The last time I saw Pete he was recording music and doing stop-frame animation when his health allowed. Sean has left the island after pissing off the entire population. Tony was DJing for a long time after the Waltons and then became the the subject of a vote on this site to decide what he should do next. Disappointingly the most voted for option was "The Mystery Option" so we never got to find out what he was going to do. The last few times I have met him he has been doing voluntry work with people with mental problems [which you could say is what he was doing in The Waltons any way].
     


...Top...




Patrick Darcy - Mon 27 Jul 2009
Email : I am paranoid
Subject : The Waltons

  Message:  

This may be the wrong place to complain, but nobody else would even know what I am talking about so here goes. Why has The Waltons Annika video been removed from the internet? I watched Annika 1st time round and The Waltons sound stuck in my mind. But it was never repeated and I was thinking I imagined the whole thing. Then last year I found The Waltons on Youtube. Then from one link to another got hold of a copy of Annika from some bloke in Devon. So here I am banging on about how great The Waltons are to a mate whose band are doing their thing on the North Kent coast. I am trying to put into words how the rawness of what he is doing is so like the brilliance that was The Waltons. But the video has gone - why???? I know you music people can get funny about people praising your work, but when a scene from a TV series shown only once 25 years ago still has people talking about it, maybe you created something special. That video is a time capsul , a gem, true brilliance. Put it on the internet. Please.
     


Shtop! Shtop! You're embarrassing me. You are right though - this is the wrong place to complain. Like most of the material on You Tube that clip was nicked by someone from some one else and some one else probably got nasty about it. You could try emailing some one to see if he was told to remove it by the copyright Nazis but I suspect he has had a coplaint from some one. The problem is that we never owned any part of the film so have no say about it at all.
     


...Top...




O. Doobie-quiet - Fri 17 Jul 2009
Email : ald;fkvj;ldafkvakldj;fg aldkfjgladjg fuc
Subject : Other

  Message:  

Riders...well...the banjo player requires...
1 vegetable dhansak,
1 pilau rice,
2 popadums,
1 little plastic bag of onion salad,
24 cans guinness (original not draft)
Another 24 cans guinness (original not draft)as back up,
2 pairs M&S under pants (unused),
1 large tub anti fungal powder,
4 mouse traps ( proper ones)
1 colour television (broken),
1 small ceramic frog-must have a cheerful expression,
1 stuffed badger,
1 funny wire thing of no apparent use,
2 rolls catholic toilet paper,
1 tin of hippy repelent.
     


I think it's time to forgive the Afro-Carribean comunity for inventing the banjo.
     


...Top...




That Bitch From Up the Road Again - Sun 12 Jul 2009
Email :
Subject :

  Message:  

What I actually meant to say was, I also share my brother's opinion in that I like Revenge of the Lawn. I would like to give my deepest thanks for getting Julie back on stage and stopping my mother being so f**ked off all the time.
Sorry Julie.
You are really quite a jolly.
Bye.
     


You're in a whole mess of trouble now!
     


...Top...




Your Niece - Sun 12 Jul 2009
Email :
Subject : Badges

  Message:  

I feel inadequate.
     


My selection of badges has made you feel inadequate?
     


...Top...




Antony - Fri 10 Jul 2009
Email : ant antpop com
Subject : Sandwichs

  Message:  

Hi Mr Cheesy Bits I see ROTL have now become a touring band. So my question is what's on your rider (apart from sandwiches and plain crisps)?
     


I don't think I've ever had a rider. We'll have to give that one some serious thought!
     


...Top...




Pen - Wed 08 Jul 2009
Email :
Subject : The 80s Were Great

  Message:  

Thank you for the prompt restoration of the Cats downloads! Very efficient service! Can I now bring to your attention some small errors in the naming of folk at my party! It’s all coming back to me now…that was a good party! Although the fashion police should have been called to have a word with me about that dress I was wearing! Pen004 – Rob M and Sian for sure! Not sure who the chap in the background is but the ladies on the right are the Ackroyd (Q Spelling!) sisters, Lisa and Anna. Pen005 – Sian and Claire on right, definitely! On the left is Wells’s sister Penny. Pen006 – Sian most definitely and the recumbent figure may well be Vicky! She will have to confirm this but I think I recognise those trousers! However, this picture was not taken at my party, unless it had spread to another house! But who cares about that! Pen007 – I believe that may well be the lovely Tim Lewis on the right of the picture. I have also assembled my sorry collection of Cats pictures ready for delivery when REVENGE OF THE LAWNMOWERS PLAY AT THE ARTS PARADE ON RYDE SEAFRONT ON SATURDAY 11TH JULY BETWEEN 6 AND 7! I am hoping the gratuitous plug for you gig will diminish my failure to produce anything worth having. I am harassing people with more organised lives to come up with better pictures, which I will deliver in due course!
     


Thanks for that I have edited the pics accordingly. Most of the erroneous information was Robs fault anyway.
     


...Top...




Pen - Wed 08 Jul 2009
Email :
Subject : Cats Like Plain Crisps

  Message:  

Please Mister! Can we have the Cats downloads back? They were there a few weeks ago I'm sure! I refered a friend to your most excellent web site only to discover that the Cats Downloads section is now populated with Revenge of the Lawn Mowers material. Very good and fine material I am sure!...but it's not the Cats! PenXXX
     


Hmmm.. You can when I can FTP to my server again. Watch this space - or, more sensibly, watch the space that contains the Cats download page because watching this space probably will get a bit boring.
     


...Top...




Bloomer Heck - Mon 06 Jul 2009
Email : billlimosus tiscali co uk
Subject : Sandwichs

  Message:  

Oh OK no royalties then, any chance of ROTL playing in Eastbourne , Hastings or Shiton - i would be pleased as a professor of pleasedom at the university of Please.
On a another subject Lee Benton (Clockwork crims svengali) is imminently releasing a Clockwork criminals double (yeah size does count ROTL!!) cd of various snips - could we do a modern version of swap shop? Look out for details on the myspace site (shameless advertising at the house of cheese i'm sorry).
I will buy rotl's CD but only if i get a badge.
After elctroshock treatment I have since forgotten my sandwich now (last seen as an extra on 'The Wire') and only hunker after pitta bread.
I went to Froom once.
Kind regards
     


Who wouldn't want to play in place called Shiton? I will gladly barter CDs with you, especially if yours is a double! Let me know when you have one. Strangely I went to Sandwich once.
     


...Top...




Alfie S Ross - Mon 06 Jul 2009
Email : alfiesross hotmail co uk
Subject : Revenge of the Lawn

  Message:  

i like revenge of the lawn
     


Thankyou Alfie - you don't have to whisper.
     


...Top...




Bill O'Neill S Sandwich Lawyer - Sun 05 Jul 2009
Email : billlimosus tiscali co uk
Subject : Revenge of the Lawn

  Message:  

We are seeking evidence that BON sandwich was actually played at the simpleton arms gig and are seeking suitable royalties for our client's bread product dependants.
     


Unfortunately for your dough[t]y dependents, taking part in a historical event does not entitle you to royalties when artistic representations of said historic event generate income. Unless you would like to present a legal precedent we will consider this matter closed and all future claims null and void.
Yours (on behalf of ROTL)
J. Waggabanjo
Waggabanjo, Yeti, and Frooom
     


...Top...




Pen - Sat 27 Jun 2009
Email : pennyrushton live co uk
Subject : Cats Like Plain Crisps

  Message:  

OK Mr Cheese, Bless you! I've promised many times...but this time I will come up with the goods!!! You name the time and place and I will deliver my collection of 'Cats Like Plain Crisps' pics! Your websites enduring wait in this capacity is to be highly commended! You shall be rewarded!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh dear!...that may have been a profound overstatement sounding like I have major photographic works to present!....All I have are a selection of poorly printed Boots jobs! But they may be better than nothing!!!...I hope!
A quick scan and a Photoshop clean up and the may scrub up ok!
Much love
PenX
p.s. Where did you get those pics of my party circu 1985? That was a good party! Who identified the people there? I don't recognise several of them, but they are named...and were very welcome at the party I know! PX
     


Now would be a good time to annpounce that we are doing our next gig at Ryde Regatta/Arts Festival on the 11th of July. If you come to that with your booty I will gladly divest you of them. I believe we are playing on the seafront somewhere at about 6-7pm.
  • I am presuming that "Boots Jobs" was a misprint
  • There is no such thing as a `quick scrub` in Photoshop. For this substitute "Hours of forensic tweeking"
  • Pictures came from Rob (M) but I was informed by Rob (R) - your brother - that he had a set of almost identical shots of the same night
  • I recognise all the people in the pictures. The only difficult ones were Dave O'Neill (who was at our gig at the Simeon) who I always want to call McDonald for some reason
  • This "`" is a misquote mark
     


...Top...




Antony - Thu 25 Jun 2009
Email : ant antpop com
Subject : Other

  Message:  

Hello Mr Cheesy Bits I was just wondering if you're on Twitter?
     


I'm so not on Twitter that I thought you were asking me if I was mainlining birdseed.
     


...Top...




Aslkdfhlaskdhfsakhf - Fri 12 Jun 2009
Email : vhaskldfjh aksjfjskf com
Subject : O B Quiet

  Message:  

Yes very good. [Expletive Deleted]
     


Hurrah!
     


...Top...




Tightbasterd - Thu 11 Jun 2009
Email : tightbasterd longpockets/shortarms com
Subject :

  Message:  

A fiver??????you must be funkin' jokin mate!!!!and i happen to know that this miserable offering dos'nt even feature the bands star member of course I allude to none other than the inimitable O.B.Quiet esq. the noted banjo player oft of Portsmouth(the north island)A noted folk musician of yore who even this evening was indulging in vast amounts of ale given for nownt on account of his inestimnable performance at yon Gnell Gwyne hostelry in said metropolis.
     


Good gig then Owen?
     


...Top...




Tony Cornell - Sat 30 May 2009
Email : lord cornell ukonline co uk
Subject :

  Message:  

Dear Mr. C-Bits, Please could I use your website to thank Revenge of the Lawn for the somewhat cheap and nasty birthday party they put on for me at the Simeon Arms last night. I would thank them directly but they are still not answering my e-mails for some reason. I did enjoy myself for approximately 3 minutes when I heard everyone singing Happy Birthday to me, but unfortunately I was in the toilet at the time.
     


Tony? Would I be right in thinking that you are a miserable c**t?
     


...Top...




Tw - Tue 26 May 2009
Email : as ever
Subject : Other

  Message:  

That's my guitar you're holding I'm looking at it now. Yeah, this must be Looney Tunes (one of very very many gigs that I have absolutely no recollection of) and it's definitely at the Pavilion 'cos I recognise the ceiling. Strange that I should remember the ceiling but not the gig... or maybe it's not.
     


When I came down to the island in '82ish I got a lift off Jon Roath and some nipper in a big van full of wood. We naturally started talking about music and he asked me who I liked on the island. When I said Loony Tunes he said he thought that they were shit and then preceded to tell me the bands he liked all of which were covers bands. The argument then went along the normal lines of cover bands don't count etc. I had no idea he played in one. To his credit he didn't throw me out of the van (at least I have no memory of him doing that). The next time I saw him I was in Loony Tunes and he was supporting us! Ha Ha!

Who's that bloke with the green hair I recognise him?
     


...Top...




Obq - Sat 23 May 2009
Email : xzcvxzcvxcv asvsadf com
Subject : Other

  Message:  

Yea I did mean that one, I didn't send the wrong link at first but your anti-span filter buggered it up. That looks like you behind Tony,thats what made me think it was the Waltons not Loony Tunes but on closer inspction it looks like you (?) are holding a guitar not a bass...did you ever play guitar in Loony Tunes?
     


Yeah I played with Looney Tunes. I think I only did two gigs though - one at Warners and one at the Pavilion - mind you for years I thought I'd only done one gig until Rob found that photo.
     


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Obq - Fri 22 May 2009
Email : ljk;ldfajl;dknb
Subject : Other

  Message:  

Are you sure that this www.cheesybits.com/bitching/complain.php ia a piture of Loony Tunes? I thought they were the band with two drummers and Mark-the refigerator-engeneer-bass-player, or has the passing of time dulled my...you know thing that helps you remember things bit...
     


You sent the wrong link you pill.

Later - I give up! I can't find a picture of Looney Tunes anywhere.

Even Later - Ah found it I think. Do you mean this one? If so I can't see drummers/bass player either but that doesn't mean they aren't there. You see it's possible that other things can exist outside of the frame of the photograph.
     


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I. Tinerant-musican - Fri 22 May 2009
Email : fsghbnvbn sdfsdfsdfg com
Subject : O B Quiet

  Message:  

Ive done three open mic nights this week!Yates In Newport, which was so overcrowded I had a job to squeeze in. At me local, The Fawcett Inn, on wednsday (As usual I played much better 'unoficial set' in the garden after my 'oficial' spot,) Then Thursday at The White House in Fratton. Phew! I have been busy haven't I? Lookin forward to Revenge of the lawn at the Simeon Arms in Ryde on May 29th
     


You'ld better be looking forward to it, you've got to play.
     


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O. B. Harp - Thu 21 May 2009
Email : sgljbsfl;igbosjigfb co lsdkfjgklsdhjgf
Subject :

  Message:  

What do you mean my Ow[e]n songs ...that last message wasn;t from me....its obviously one of my many fans. One of those who thronged to Yates on monday I expect...
     


Don't worry it wasn't me that replied either.
     


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Folk Off-u-count - Thu 21 May 2009
Email : xcl;jkfb;ldfb;dhkflzb adkfhjvkldjfgg com
Subject :

  Message:  

I wish to complain about the lack of O.B. Quiet in th etop 20or 30 or whatever it 'tis. It's OBviesouly rigged to discriminate against this fine musical artist.
     


Yes you're right it is rigged - rigged by you desperatly trying to improve your chart position by downloading your Ow{e}n songs. My advice is to turn down the vocals and turn up the bass.
     


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Bern - Tue 19 May 2009
Email : bernyrichards hotmail com
Subject : Smeggy and the Cheesybits

  Message:  

Hola Dave,Gary,Chris and Bruv chewed my ankles. i am still a total fucking twat and everyone hates me.i love you all and thankyou for the best times of my miserable pitiful existence.
     


Oh pull yourself together you twat, you were always the organised one. Go and buy a drum kit, stop smoking crack and move to the country and everything will work itself out in the end. And don't worry about that "everybody hates me" thing - that's quite normal... So how the hell are you?
     


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O. B. Anjo - Sat 16 May 2009
Email : ;sladijva;jnaskldj v sm,bvjkfx com
Subject : O B Quiet

  Message:  

Its not Fair.
     


OK I'll play along [and not mention your cavalier attitude to the possessive apostrophe]... What's not fair?
     


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Tw - Thu 14 May 2009
Email : Same as B4
Subject : Other

  Message:  

Don't get snotty with me Mr Fatfreecheesyarse. I was only responding to the info still held regarding my esteemed self on this turgid and disreputable site. And no, it is an irregular vegetable verb - I yam, you yizz, he yizz etc... unlike the regular, I bean, you bean, he bean etc. You're Welcome TW
     


Are you sure you meant to say freecheesy?
     


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Punkdaddio - Sun 03 May 2009
Email : punkdaddy punkbrighton co uk
Subject : Badges

  Message:  

Hi Dave love the badge shop, what an enterprising fellow you are. I like the idea of Noddy v JP Sartre, shame there can only be one winner in such a tight contest. Can you explain the chinky Myers conundrum - are they one and the same geezer and which one is which? Look forward to your no doubt pithy reply. PD
     


I doubt if they are the same person, Marcus from (Midnight and the Lemon Boys) was just a kid when he started with Kemptown Rockers {I think that was the first band of the three} and the Vandells were born out of the Depressions weren't they, I thought they were much older. I'm not sure I ever saw the Vandells. But anyway Chris should know, he played with Marcus lots. The chinky comment was either:

1. A typo
2. A wind-up because he had a squint or something
3. He was genuinely part Chinese

But ask Chris he was a really nice guy and I doubt if he has actually turned into a racist bastard in the intervening years - well no more than anyone else from Rotherham anyway.
     


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Obq - Sat 11 Apr 2009
Email :
Subject : O B Quiet

  Message:  

That last photo wasn't at the Fawcett as it 'appens.'Twas at Rodger Courtneys Music Club and open Mic @The Barn, The Milton Arms , Milton OBQ
     


So it was a photo of both of those occasions then.
     


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Max Dyson - Sun 05 Apr 2009
Email : max dyson tinyworld co uk
Subject : Other

  Message:  

Err, whilst looking up Paul Roundhill, who I last met many years ago when I lived in Bethnal Green and he was selling things in Cheshire St. I came across my name and Paul Stickland. Yes I did put on bands in Brighton and like to think I was the man who put punk into Brighton with the first Stranglers gig in 1977. One of he last times I saw Gary, aka Smeggy was at a party in South London with the other soon to be members of King Kurt who had just had their signature hair cuts. Is this big Dave behind the web site as you seem to remember me? Max - just about still rocking
     


Yup. That's me. I remember you well, mostly for not living at Blatchington Rd but also in your role as general trouble maker at the college and yet strangly I have no recollection of ever seeing any of your art. Did you ever get a degree or did the social agenda get in the way?
It's suddenly turning into a right old Brighton rougues gallery here, I wonder who's going to be next to appear.
     


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Obq - Wed 01 Apr 2009
Email : djg;ljbkldfsjgikd ldkfahgjkdfhg com
Subject : Other

  Message:  

I note that soon the H of C wil be celibrating ten years on line. This calls for a huge bean feast with loads of (free) beer and sandwiches, obviously. 8-)
     


We have been thinking about this for a while. The five top ideas at the moment are:
  • Have a party - Probably the cheapest. And it could be a beach party, a children’s party with jelly and ice-cream (we could have a food fight), or a BBQ or something.
  • Hold a gig - But to do this sensibly it would mean reforming several bands and it would be pretty pointless without The Waltons and that would mean I'd have to be in the same room as Sean for extended periods of time and most importantly it would mean I'd have to play a lot and my memory and arthritic fingers may get in the way of that.
  • Hold an Awards Ceremony - This is by far the stupidest idea, and therefore my favourite, but would probably be the most expensive too. Do you know anyone who could make 20 or 30 statuettes for next to nothing? I thought about making them out of cheese but it would be nice to have something semi-permanent. We would need to do it in a hotel or something to get it right so we could have a red carpet outside and I would need to hire lots of girls to stand next to it and scream when Tony arrives. We could have the "Fuck Me You're Still Alive Award" and the "Laziest Saxophonist Award". Basically there is no way I could organise this by October so maybe I'll leave it until the 13th anniversary or something.
  • Start a Blue Plaque Scheme - I was seriously considering doing this as a joke (is that some kind of oxymoron?) My sister still lives in Park Rd where the Waltons used to practice and I was going to fake up a plaque saying "Island Rock Gods The Waltons Recorded and Practiced Here...etc etc" and put it on the wall and see if anyone noticed.
  • Release a CD - I'd like to release a HOC sampler CD. Back in the old days record labels did this all the time and occasionally the samplers were more popular than any of the records by individual artistes on the label. I cold probably raise enough cash to do this, and there's no reason why this couldn't be done in conjunction with any of the above, but the organisational skills needed to track down all the interested parties and get them to agree to it would be immense.
All other ideas greatfully received.
     


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Obq - Wed 01 Apr 2009
Email : fdlkghsdkfljgh djfhg com
Subject :

  Message:  

i just been playing with the new reload and get a different house of cheese banner feature. It's lot of fun. For a short while.
     


It wasn't meant to be a computer game. But thankyou for noticing.
     


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Grant Boult - Tue 31 Mar 2009
Email : grantboult hotmail co uk
Subject : Smeggy and the Cheesybits

  Message:  

Great pictures of brighton,my era,used to rehearse in the vaults,the windsor back bar really moved me ,simon action mod ,big mark ,cliff, dougie,smeggy,peter test tube.i remember a girl from my school brought Jerry Dammers in at the height of the specials and the nazi armbands on big mark and co freaked him out a bit . amazing...really enjoyed cheers will pass on the good vibes
     


I don't remember you Grant but that's no surprise I don't remember anyone nowadays. I wonder what happened to Cliff. I'd be surprised if he's still alive. I take it you came from the Punk Brighton site, if not that should be your next stop.
     


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Tw - Wed 25 Mar 2009
Email :
Subject :

  Message:  

I am pleasantly surprised that so few people have voted for me to increase my meds or return to psychotherapy. Perhaps I am getting better. Perhaps it's just that nobody knows who I yam. Anyway, I think it was Stevie Gold who took those pics on top of the Pavilion and surrounding areas. Thas'all.
     


Whoa! Have you slipped into a time warp? That vote was over in 2005. Or have your reaction times got really slow? Tell me about this new verb, is it regular:
I yam
You yam
He, she or it yams....etc. etc.
     


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Obq - Tue 17 Mar 2009
Email : fl;gihjdfgjilh asjkdhfsjkladfh co uk
Subject :

  Message:  

'[B]ut do you really want to witness Radiohead interrupting their set to play an advertisement for sanitary towels or bleach?' Yes...in fact if they were to replace their set in its entirety with said advertisements it would be an great improvement.
     


I can't think of anything funny to say because it's Wednesday.
     


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Obq - Thu 12 Mar 2009
Email : onion garlick breath com
Subject : Other

  Message:  

Interesting enough the words 'Onion' and Union' have the same etymological root. An onion was considered 'Unified' because it only has one thing and that grows inside it's self in layers, as opposed to garlic that has several bits next to each other.
     


I used to deliver milk to a Mr O'Nion who lived in Niton.
     


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Paul Stickland - Sat 21 Feb 2009
Email : paul paulstickland co uk
Subject : Smeggy and the Cheesybits

  Message:  

Well, blow me down.... Hello old chum, where are you, what's going on? Weirdly spotted you via punk in brighton and Max Dyson's attempted re-onion of the class of 79 in Brighton this summer. Spending my days being pushed off pavements by old ladies here in riotous Sherborne in Dorset, busy drawing, drawing, drawing, banding, dadding (5 brilliant boys)(one more on way...) and much more! You on the Island? Roger? News? Email? love n'kisses, Paulxx
     


Blow me down too. Only the other day I was reading about you saving historic buildings in a dentists waiting room (no the historic building wasn't in the dentist's waiting room). Coincidentally it was you that took me to that Depressions/Flesh gig (see below) where I met Roundhill. And Max Dyson that was the guy that put on all the gigs at the college wasn't it, I'd forgotten all about him. You were my son's favourite author (until about the age of five) we've still got your tractor book somewhere.
Of course, one day soon, I'm going to have to post some Druid Himalayas for people to downlaod.
     


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Ralph Ridlerrr - Wed 11 Feb 2009
Email :
Subject : Sandwichs

  Message:  

I ordered cheese, not bacon, I'm a veggie idiot.
It's safe to come out now, dad has left the IOW. Hahaha. We can all start pretending that he never exsisted.
PS Don't you miss me making your comments look bad?
Cherio old chap.
     


Where has Count Von Baron Ridler gone then? Your comments are fine. Your Engish has improved no end.
     


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Johno - Tue 10 Feb 2009
Email : nunof your business
Subject : Smeggy and the Cheesybits

  Message:  

Smeggy and the Cheesybits had a manager? I'm astonished.
     


Hmm..It b{e|u}ggers belief doesn't it.
     


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Paul Roundhill - Sun 08 Feb 2009
Email : professorro Gmail com
Subject : Smeggy and the Cheesybits

  Message:  

1977 the alhambra brighton and i'm late for the gig having decided to offer services as manager... windows smashing.......... chairs flying... a stentorian bellow...."what have we got? fuck-all! what have we got? fuck-all! seig heil! seig-heil" more destructive energy than ali's pub can contain... changed my mind about the job, gissa ring babe, XXXXXXXXXXXXXX professorro/youtube
     


Hey great to hear from you. I always wondered what happened to you. I'm shocked to hear you were going to offer your services as a manager - I would have been up for that (you couldn't possibly have been any worse than Dougie) - you shouldn't have been put off by a little friendly rioting. Strangely I was just talking about you the other day to some one. I don't suppose you remember turning up early one morning at Ravens Rd with lots of bizarre ingredients and proceeding to make us this great new drink you'd discovered, which turned out to be a Pina Colada? I remember meeting you for the first time at a Depressions/Flesh gig at the Vault. Was it you that sold me the DPs/Flesh Fanzine?
Anyway, well done for being alive, and can I finally confess that I really fancied your girlfriend (unless of course she is now your wife in which case nothing could be further from the truth).
Do you have any photos that I can post on my site or any recordings?
     


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DCBits - Sat 31 Jan 2009
Email : Ahy Oh Why Oh Why
Subject : Other

  Message:  

Dear Sir

Whilst I am impressed by the all new, all singing, all dancing, high-speed fully automatic Bitching & Complaining Suite™, and the speed of response it engenders, I can't help but notice that it has started to replace the first letter of the email addresses of you correspondents with a capital "A".
     


Hmm.. coincidentally I had just noticed that as well. Thank you for writing in, I'll sort it out.

Later: Blimy! That took ages. It should work now though.
     


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Tony Cornell - Fri 30 Jan 2009
Email : Alease refer to earlier postings on this site for my e-mail address
Subject : Other

  Message:  

Dear Sir, Concerning your e-mail posting dated Thursday 01 Jan 2009, you should know by now that it's unlike me to allow any minor, unimportant, petty mistake to pass unhindered onto your pages without the most abject whinging from my person. Gross, crucial grammatical errors, I'm content to let sail by. And therefore, while we're on this subject, and in time-honoured tradition, I feel compelled to rise predictably and yet reluctantly to your bait and complain in the most vociferous terms about your most outrageous and deliberately infuriating misuse of the Great English Language's most venerable punctuational son, the apostrophe. In fact, I'm so furious ... angr ... grrr... ca''nt take's i't any ... quaf'f'f ... jibba ... bloff - bloff ... wheres' that k'nif ... I mean, I ask you, a fuckin' apostrophe after a turding, buggering s ?!!!!!!
     


When I said, "Please feel free to write in and complain about the incorrect use of the possessive apostrophe," what I actually meant was, "Please don't bother writing in and complaining about the incorrect use of the possessive apostrophe".

(Please feel free to write in and complain about the lack of the infinitive after the use of the negative imperative).
     


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Jane - Thu 29 Jan 2009
Email : Aermaidinthebasement hotmail com
Subject : Cats Like Plain Crisps

  Message:  

David, thanks for putting up the Cats page and all the tracks. I haven't got any of those recordings anymore (because I'm careless and keep moving house). It was wierd to hear them again. We were OK, weren't we? Give my licks to the old Cats when you see them. (I live in York now and have lost touch with them all - would love to hear from them, if the intervening 20+ years, kids, dogs, rabbits and failed marriages haven't deleted them). Jane (ex Cat)
     


Yes you were "OK" some would say "brilliant" (not me obviously). It's a crying shame that you were never recorded well. You always sounded best to me in Sarah's living room in Newport St. (the more intimate the better).
The only Cat I see on a regular basis is Hills; I saw Barker Barker at the Bestival two years ago (with Dotti). I bump into Penny occasionally (and Claire) but haven't seen Jacquie since she was living in Brighton.
Astonishingly I've just found the remains of another recording session on my 4-track. It's only 2 or 3 songs but includes a song that I'd completely forgotten about. Can you guess what it is (yet)?

One day you're going to stop calling me David.
     


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Martin - Thu 22 Jan 2009
Email : I am paranoid
Subject : Revenge of the Lawn

  Message:  

Hi! Nice site!
     


Ta.
     


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Ian Davison Aka Bison Aka Ebay - Mon 19 Jan 2009
Email : Atringsgc aol com
Subject : Badges

  Message:  

Ta For my badges, when you are next in the approximate area please feel free to collect free shit as per previous waffle. Also just found pic of post Cheesybits Waltons at Lakeside Inn, Wootton. Will attempt to email it to you if you can give me an email address to send it to that it. Ta TA Bison bison
     


Big ups for free shit! I think you may be setting a dangerous precedent here though. I was pleased to see you don't play **** **** because it really is for *****. It was a spooky night at the Solent. The last time I heard all those songs in one evening was probably down at the Richmond in Brighton in 1978/9. I spent a lot of your set outside in the garden or hugging the pathetic excuse for air-con at the back of the room. Remember, however hot and unpleasant it is for you, it's about 8" worse for me.
     


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Ian Davison Aka Bison Aka Ebay - Thu 08 Jan 2009
Email : Atringsgc aol com
Subject : The 80s Were S**t

  Message:  

"Offended" me ?? .....Quite to the contrary I consider it an honour , in fact I am thinking of commissioning a commemorative badge in celebration of said jingle. As for "The rumour is the owner swings" reference to my being an "alleged" bass player (rather than having any sexual behaviour connotations) , all I can say is well I am back in a band playing gigs, and I am using a bass guitar (wether this actually constitutes being a bass "player" is a matter of interpretation and I'd encourage you to come over to Ryde on the 16th January as we are playing at the Solent Inn (Monkton Street , just over the road from the shop, they do a nice line in lagers and killer pool sessions) to draw our own conclusions) , so perhaps I can dispell this "rumour" or perhaps not.Either way it looks like I have managed to get in a plug for my gig.
As for Rob telling you that I knew about the jingle, all I can say is either he imagined telling me or I have erased it from my memory .
"Free shit" is being compiled.
TA
     


Yup, nice plug. Subtley done. Unfortunately by doing it here you have only reached an audience of four people and a whippet (but then that could potentially double your audience {boom boom}). I will, as is usual in these situations, say that I'll come over and see you but probably won't (mind you I do need some diesel and TTescos is just up the road, maybe I can persuade my sister to make me tea...etc [this internal dialogue will go on for the next ten days so I will leave it here]).
Rob is a cock.
     


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John Williams - Thu 08 Jan 2009
Email : I am paranoid
Subject :

  Message:  

I'm John Williams, I will like to know if you do carry Dustbins in stock for sale.It will be my pleasure to purchase some your products for my new company back overseas and I could like to know the brands and the types you do have in stock.I will also like to know if you accept credit card as a form of payment ?Looking forward in hearing from you.
     


I'm sorry but we only carry Be-Bop Dustbins and they are no longer available for purchase.
     


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Ian Davison Aka Bison Aka Ebay - Wed 07 Jan 2009
Email : Atringsgc aol com
Subject : The 80s Were Great

  Message:  

Well you could have at least told me you'd done a bloody jingle. Instead I have my bi-annual nosey about "The House of Cheese" to find it buried in amongst the downloads from 6 months ago. I'll send it on to IOW Radio for use in our summer 2009 advertising campaign but I think they might have some issues with the orgasmic grunts at the beginning. As for the "rumour that the owner swings" lyric, all I can say is that the article published in the Ryde Beacon is wholely inaccurate and may be subject to litigation (and besides I think it was more likely that you were being lazy and couldn't think of a decent rhyme for "strings" or "precious things") . Anyway fair enough, if you'd like some more "free shit" I think I may have some outboardy studio crap I'd like to unload so you'll have to get your arse over to Ryde to collect (I think there is a jack patch bay and mmaybe a keyboard sound module). Bring some dodgy badges with you. Tata
     


To tell the truth I thought your lack of response was due to you being grossly offended by our inadequate ramblings - "The rumour is the owner swings" is of course a reference to your being an "alleged" bass player (I've never seen you play) - Rob told me that you knew about the jingle. "Free shit" is always welcome I'll bring badges.
     


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Suzanne - Mon 05 Jan 2009
Email : I am paranoid
Subject : Smeggy and the Cheesybits

  Message:  

smeg....i ain't f**king paying for a badge!so....make sure you give me one next time i see you.big hugs xx
     


Once again, not Smeg, Cheesybits - and before you ask, I didn't sleep with you in Ladbrooke Grove
     


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Me - Thu 01 Jan 2009
Email : MeMeMe Me Me
Subject : The Old Subjects Were Better

  Message:  

My son just spent all his EMA on an X-Box 36 so I won't be around for a while.
Sorry.
     


That's all right. Happy New Seven-Days-After-Baby-Jesus'-Birthday.

(Please feel free to write in and complain about the incorrect use of the possessive apostrophe).
     


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